Some Wings Must Bleed

Chapter 31 - I Can't Help It

We stared at each other for a moment before I couldn't help laughing, a hand still over my mouth from the surprise that had hit me a moment earlier. Kurapika started to laugh as well as I hung the last hanger up, turning back to him. "God, I'm the worst." I muttered in between giggles, reaching my hand out and placing it where I had struck the hunter.

He just smiled at me as we calmed down, a bit of worry in my eyes as I examined the bit of red that held its' place on Kurapika's cheek. "This is really helping my case of you not minding spending time with me, huh..." I mumbled out, taking a few small steps closer to my hunter, my eyes still focused on where I had hit him.

"I'm alright, alright?" He said softly, taking my hand and lowering it.

This feels rather familiar.

I looked from his cheek to his eyes, suddenly aware of how close we were. I felt my eyes widen for a moment before I looked down to my hand and chuckled. "You have a knack for putting me in embarrassing situations, you know that?" I joked, taking a few steps back from my hunter and examining the clothes hanging in my closet.

Kurapika let out a breath of amusement. "I should be going to bed now, goodnight (y/n)."

I lowered my gaze, and for a moment, I was lost.

My body moved by itself, grabbing onto Kurapika's arm. "Kurapika, I-"

Oh shit.

"I- Uh, the dance! It's the day after tomorrow, and uh... You are going!"

The blonde looked to me, his eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion before he spoke. "Yes?"

"Yes! And you're a shit dancer! So, uh- tomorrow I'll teach you how to dance, deal?"

He looked at me a moment more before I let go of his arm, fiddling with my fingers. "Sounds fine. Until tomorrow, my lady." He said plainly, leaving me alone in my closet with nothing but my thoughts.

I waited a moment after hearing the door shut before letting out a long sigh, not realizing I had been holding my breath until just then. I turned to look at myself in the mirror that leaned against my closet's wall.

Why is it so hard to be around him?

. . .

That night I didn't sleep well. I felt wrong for living the way that I was, but I didn't know exactly which part of my life was causing this distress. Then again, part of me knew exactly what it was.

I can't ever be with Kurapika, and every day I fall for him a little bit more.

So my solution was to think about it. I stopped pushing it into the back of my mind and allowed myself one night of bliss to think about Kurapika as if he could be mine. I thought about how cute he always was, with his gentle nature and sweet smile and soft laugh that broke my heart into I billion tiny pieces. I thought about his eyes, the one part about him that gave away his true emotions. I thought about the way he would hold me, and how no matter how rarely it happened, I could always recall his comforting scent and warm arms wrapped around me. And then there it was. The thoughts I had shoved deep into the corners of my mind.

It wasn't just a crush. I was deeply and truly, for the first time in my life, in love with someone. And that someone wasn't just anyone, but the hunter. My hunter.

As the hours got later and the sky got darker, I let my mind wander all over my blonde. I imagined his lips on mine for more than just a moment, and how incredible it would feel if he loved me back. I was desperate for him, craving him. I needed him.