Some Wings Must Bleed

Chapter 71 - Little Letters

"Hello, (y/n)."

I sighed. "Hey Leorio."

. . .

"Listen, it's not you."

"I don't care who it's not, how much danger is he putting himself in right now?"

"He's very strong, especially against the Phantom Troupe."

"Strong enough to take them all on? At once?"

Leorio clasped his hands together and leaned forward on the couch. "He's been slowly picking them off as time has gone by, I'm not sure what his plan is this time. I would've gone with him but he instructed that I stayed with you. He can get impulsive when things like this happen."

"Impulsive? You think? What an ass..." I trailed off, lowering my gaze to my hands, which were sitting on my lap and trying not to shake.

"Kurapika is difficult, but he's really not a bad guy."

"You think I don't know that?"

"..."

"... Sorry. I'm upset."

"I'm sorry he left. He seemed to be getting better, I don't really know what happened."

Getting better? He wasn't sick, but...

Leorio's words hurt. I'm not sure why, but the last sentence he had spoken cut into me, making me fully process everything that had happened. "Maybe- maybe he wasn't getting better..." I stifled, my voice unsteady as tears weighed into my eyes. "I should've tried harder to make him stay. I- I thought I did all I could but- but even if I did. Leorio I don't think I'm enough."

Don't cry don't cry don't-

I refused to blink in a hopeless attempt to stop the tears from falling, but there I was, sobbing out words and staring blankly at a purple coffee table. "I don't know when he'll be back or where he's going and I- I wasn't enough to stop him."

Leorio scooted closer to me and pulled me into him, giving me an awkward side hug that wasn't very comforting, but kind nonetheless. "Don't beat yourself up. Nothing would be enough to stop him."

What a tragic boy. Bound to his fate by revenge, letting rage and pain fuel his power and cloud his judgement.

But I love him so goddamn much.

. . .

Leorio was gone to get food and I was staring in front of a mirror, staring at the marks on my neck through puffy eyes and a rather disappointing half lidded gaze.

How am I supposed to not think about him when his name is practically written all over me?

I huffed and flipped off my reflection.

Just because he left doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Just because he left doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Just because-

Don't cry again. God you're a baby don't cry don't cry don't-

He's coming back, okay? He's not just going to disappear or something.

Maybe you shouldn't have fallen so in love with him, dumbass.

He's dangerous, you kept telling yourself that he was dangerous and brutal and you never even listened!

...

He cares about revenge more than me.

GODDAMNIT STOP THINKING

"Stop." I whispered, clenching my fists. "Make it stop."