Some Wings Must Bleed

Chapter 33 - Dancing with My Heart

Kurapika sighed and walked over to me, standing just a few feet from where I was. "How do I do this?" He asked, messing with the cuffs of his sleeves once more.

I half laughed and shortened the distance between us, fixing his sleeves and straightening his jacket. "Well, first you ask me to dance." I said with a sarcastic smile.

He rolled his eyes and smiled as well. "Right, and after that?"

I placed my hand on his, guiding it to my waist. "You put one hand on her waist and hold the other, like this." I instructed, putting my hand in his and the other on his shoulder.

"Okay, now what?"

"Start with you left foot, now just step to the left twice."

"Twice?"

I laughed. "Yes. Twice."

He looked down to his feet and did as he was told, making two steps to the left before looking up to me for approval. I couldn't help but giggle at his cuteness. "Good! Now step to the right twice."

Kurapika nodded and led me back to the spot where we began as I followed along with him. "After you do that, you lead your partner in a square. So go back, to your left, front, and to your right."

His eyebrows lifted in a bit of confusion, which made me want to smile again, but I stopped myself. "Alright..." He said, his voice full of uncertainty as he looked back down at his feet.

He executed the square perfectly, looking back up to me when he was done. "Perfect! You're a natural!" I praised, watching as my hunter's eyes widened slightly before he smiled. "Now, don't look at you feet this time." I instructed.

"What am I supposed to look at?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Your partner, dummy!" I said, laughing a bit after the sentence.

I looked up to him to see him smiling at me, his grey eyes reflecting the dark sunset from the window. He began to dance again, looking straight into my eyes. I nervously looked away after a moment, changing my gaze to our feet. I didn't turn on the lights when I first came back, so the lighting was rather romantic, not that I was complaining.

How perfect this would be if we were together...

"I thought you were supposed to look at your partner." Kurapika commented.

It hurts too much, I'm not strong enough for this shit.

I let out a breath of amusement, looking back into my hunter's eyes. He was so close, it made my breath hitch just thinking about it. "Sometimes you're-" I paused, swallowing nervously. "you're hard to look at..."

"What do you mean by that?" Kurapika asked, no longer dancing, but looking at me with confused eyes and a half smile, just in case I was joking.

"I- I can't tell you."

"Is this about what you said that day? About me reminding you of everything you've failed to be?"

"No, no." I whimpered, feeling tears form in my eyes, though I didn't really know why.

Don't cry, Jesus you better not cry...

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" He said in his soft voice, lightly touching my chin and pulling my face up to look at him. "Why won't you tell me?" He asked, worry and care lacing his quiet tone.

"I- You- I can't do it anymore." I whined, placing my free hand onto his chest and beginning to cry. "It's- It's killing me."

He shifted positions, the hand that was on my waist now wrapped around my back and pulling me just slightly more into him. "Please tell me." He whispered.

I lifted my head and gazed at him once more, trying to admire him how he was just in that moment, in case what I was about to do changed everything forever. I let my eyes trail down to his lips and stay there, my face slowly moving towards his. His gaze lowered as well, his hand moving from my chin to on my cheek. "(Y/n)..." He murmured.

Now we were even closer, his nose touching mine. I let my eyes flutter shut, my breath catching in my throat. I could feel his uneven and hot breathing against my skin, his scent dancing in and out of my lungs. I felt as though my heart was about to burst into a billion different pieces if he didn't do something. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to want me.

"... We- we shouldn't..." He breathed, his voice unsteady.

"Kiss me, please just kiss me." I whispered, tears still stained on my face, my eyes still closed.

"You're going to regret this." He uttered back, each syllable hitting my lips and making me crave him more.

My heart began pounding even harder, more tears falling from my eyes now. "So that's it? I- It's okay, y-you don't like me, but I- I know that I'm immature and hotheaded but p- please just kiss me. Just once."

"You don't want this."

"Do I sound like I don't want this?"

"I can't. We can't."

He let go of me, one of his hands covering his eyes as he turned away and walked towards my door.

"Y-You're leaving? D-Don't leave I'm sorry I- Kurapika I'm really sorry please-"

And with that the door shut. He was gone.

He's gone.

What have I done.

I covered my mouth with my hand, tears streaming down my face. It was a silent sort of pain, the type that you didn't want anyone to know about. After a moment I fell to the floor, my eyes refusing to blink in hopes that the tears would fall less. I was on my knees, desperately trying to get a hold of myself when my heart and chest started to hurt again. I was having another panic attack, and this time I knew exactly why.

I whimpered to myself, shutting my eyes tightly and taking my hand from my mouth, placing it onto my heart.

He doesn't love me, which means he never loved me. I ruined it. I ruined everything. I fucked up the only good thing that I had. It's gone. He's gone.

It will never be the same ever again.

Because of me.

I couldn't think, yet all of my thoughts were running around my head at once, crashing into each other and bursting. I felt pathetic, crying and freaking out just because a boy didn't like me. But then there it was. He wasn't just a boy, he was my hunter. He meant everything to me, and he cared for me, and he embraced me and laughed with me and called me out when I was being a pain in the ass. I had fallen so in love with him that it killed me to picture a life where he hated me.

It hurts so bad. I hate being in love.

Authors note: you think I was gonna let them be together and happy? Nah m8, this is a slow burn. It's meant to burnnnnnnn.