point of view | A.G

Chapter 43: I lost in every way.

Ariana

I was standing outside waiting for Shay to arrive my house. I was looking like trash but I didn't mind. I had in an oversized hoodie from hers, some grey sweats which completed my outfit and some random Nikes. I took out my phone since it was really boring.

A few minutes passed as I heard the sound of a car and when I looked up it was Shay driving towards me. I just felt like the time we fell for each other when she picked me up, drove me around.

„Hey" I said when I sat in and buckled my seatbelt.
„Hey, are you good?" I nodded my head in response.

„How about you?"
„I'm fine" she replied starting to drive.

The music wasn't too loud,  it was like the perfect volume for the song which we heard constantly when we were together.

„When you hold me in the street
And you kiss me on the dancefloor
I wish that it could be like that" I sang along trying to hold back the tears.

„It'll never be enough
It's obvious you're meant for me
Every piece of you it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep" I watched her as she sang.

„The song is so beautiful" I uttered as she returned a smile.
„It truly is"

The song played until we arrived in front of the beach.

„Come on let's go for a walk" she suggested.

We got out and started walking towards the big sea in front of us.

(^Play the Song^)

Everything on this beach gave me back the memories I had with her. The way we walked here together hand in hand talking about problems, joking around  even cried together over things. I did the biggest mistake in my whole life.

We sat on a bench as I heard Shay sighing.

„What is it" I questioned as I put her face in her hands.
„Look I now we're not on the best therms but—I'm not gonna judge you for any of this Shay just tell me"

„Don't you see where we are?" she uttered making me furrow my eyebrows at confusion.
„What do you mea-"

„-I mean that we're here again. Instead of moving on we're like putting extra salt on our wounds you know what I mean?"

„Shay I-"

„-I know, but when I'm with you it's so hard. I'm burning when I even see you. It hurts so much Ariana. Get it please it's hurting so much!" she cried out when she started to wipe them away.

„Then why did you agree to meet up Shay?"

„Because I fucking love you! I love you so much that
I'm standing in this flames and even though I'm burning I need to see you."she replied.

„I guess I'll never stop loving you and I need to keep up with that. You know what I mean?"

„So you can't forgive me?" I asked tears dropping down.
„Please don't make me do this"

„Believe me if I could I would immediately forgive you and propose you. I swear to everything I have, I would propose you right now and right here. But I'm too afraid Ariana. You replaced me by him, you choose him instead of me, you cheated on me-how could I forgive you? I know every lover will forgive, but in that case ariana-I'm too afraid of going trough hell another time. Because that day you left me I experienced hell on my own skin."

„I'm so sorry Shay" I said trying to stop cry. That's it?
„If I could just—If I could change anything I would!" I almost choked out.

A few minutes passed as both of us tried to calm down.

„Ariana I will leave" she stuttered out.
„W-What, how, what do you mean?"

„I'm saying that I'll leave Los Angeles. Not for months, I'll leave forever. I'm moving away."

„Sh-Shay please don't d-do this, I beg you"
„Please don't do that" she said as she cupped my cheeks.

„I just-I can't be happy here again Ariana. I can't get over you when I stay."
„Or to be exactly, I'll never get over you, but it will be easier just to live my life. And you should too! Try to move on and if there's a girl or a guy you like, then go for it. Be happy because that's what I want the most!"

„You're always be the one, but it just didn't work out how we wanted it Ariana. So please forget me and move on can you do me that favor?"

„No! I can't! Why are you leaving me like this? Why the fuck are you leaving me broken like this? I know I hurt you very much! But I thought we could fix everything Shay, I thought we will build up the trust we need-why are you just-leaving me like that?"

„Because I fucking love you! If I would be selfish I would stay but I'm not! I want you to move on! To live a life without me, to be happy without me!" She yelled back holding me on wrist tightly.

„But thats impossible Shay why don't you get it? Please don't leave don't throw everything away!"

„I will always love you okay? Don't make it harder for me. Please just listen to me once. Just let me go and put everything in the past. I beg you just for the last thing. If you move on, I'll be happy too." she spoke looking at me.

„But I don't want to move on from you, I don't want to forget you." I cried loudly.

„You don't have to forget me okay? Just move on it's the best for you. Put me in the past and live your life." She said calmly into my ear.

„You don't know how much I wish that everything would be different, but I can't Ariana okay? Please understand that okay?"

„I called an Uber for you to drive you back home, and don't think I'm leaving with Stassie or anyone. I didn't tell them. I didn't tell anyone. And I beg you to don't tell anyone, not even my family. They're thinking that I'm going on vacation."

„W-Where are you going?" I questioned holding her hand.
„First I'm flying to Italy, than I don't know yet."

„-You don't have a g-girlfriend Right?" She shook her head.
„I don't have a girlfriend, I wanna recover Ariana." she responded.

„So-that's how our story ends?" I questioned but more myself than her.
„You never know what will happen tomorrow" she replied crying.

„I love you" I mumbled into her neck. Was this The last time I smell her scent? Was This the last time feeling her skin?

„I love you" she replied kissing the top of my head.
„So much"

She stood up pulling me with her.

„You will take care of you?" I nodded facing her beautiful eyes.
„You will look after Jaden and my fam too?"

„For sure I will, you know how much I love them" she let out a chuckle.

„Maybe we will see each other when there's a party or I don't know. If I'm not that far away. And then I wanna see you happy, smiling with a person you love next to you."

„Don't be sad okay? I love you more than anything on this world and if there's gonna be someone in my life, he or she will never beat my connection with you. You'll always be my number one okay?" she stuttered kissing my cheek for the hundredth time.

The sound of the uber cut us off.

„Take care of you" she said kissing my forehead.
„Take care you you" I responded kissing her hand.

We hugged for the last time. I couldn't even breath normally that's how much it hurt.

„I love you so much Shay"
„I love you so much too" she responded and as we pulled away, she placed a soft kiss on my kiss.

The feeling of her lips on mine were different.
I knew this was the last time I'm gonna feel them.

„Bye Ariana"
„Bye Shay"

I walked to the uber sitting in looking the last time at her. She waved at me and blowed a kiss. I never knew I could cry that much, but now it was impossible to describe how much I cried.

I lost in every way.

...