point of view | A.G

Chapter 83: Thunderstorm.

Ariana's Pov

Pain was all I felt the past few days. As if a thunderstorm came up, broke everything down, and left like it was never been here. Only that the people who felt the thunderstorm were left in ashes. Everything broke down for them. That's how I'd describe my life right now.

I didn't want to talk to anybody. Not my friends, not my family. No one. The only people I was talking to were my dogs and my pig.

And yet again, I was asking myself; Did I love Dalton after all these things that happened to me and Shay?

Dalton was there when no one was and I know he did some crazy shit but all in one he helped me and was there for me. He wasn't bad but after quarantine everything changed. Our whole relationship changed and I knew that this would end one day.

But I didn't know that I still loved him like that. I love him that I would do anything so he feels good just as he did everything for me so I feel better.

But then their way Shay. She is like an angel. Nobody has made me as happy as her. Nobody did such things like her. Nobody was having such a pure soul like her. And I let her go. I cheated. I lied. And I broke her heart several times. And each of these times she forgave me and continued to be with me. She was by my side at any time giving her all to make me happy. And I did this to her.

One thing I was so sure about was that I love her. More than I could love anyone on this planet. Yes I have feelings for Dalton, I love him too. But nothing is compared to my love for Shay. It was big and I felt that there were no limits. I would go trough fire and hell itself for her. I can't even describe how much love I got for this woman. She is magical and left her pure aura in every room she is. She is independent and tries everything to reach her goal and these were two of so many things I love and adore about her.

But it was too late for that now. Sometimes you appreciate things first, when they leave.

-

I woke up in the middle of the night. It was already past midnight that's the usual time I wake up now. When I went into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror I couldn't believe it. I looked like a wreck but I deserved it. That's what I told myself for all these days when I saw myself. I deserved to feel whatever Shay is feeling.

All the weight I gained for good, I lost and I felt sicker than ever. Like my body would crash down in any second. My hair was messy because I didn't even feel like doing anything for myself.

When I walked over to the living room, I took my phone looking trough any messages. I always pray to god that I see one of Shay's messages, for one call. But there isn't anything.

iMessage:

: hey, I hope you feel good and enjoy whatever you are doing. I'm sorry for messing everything up but just know that I love you so so much.

Me texting her? A quite usual. I do that every day and I never received anything back. But it's okay.

After crying over her, I go into the kitchen and take out a bottle of water and some sour dough bread. Nothing special but that's basically all I'm eating. After that I make my way into the home studio and start brainstorming for lyrics.

"I'd like to say we gave it a try, I'd like to blame it  all on life" I hummed writing down the lyrics on a piece of paper.

"Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie" I continued singing.

Tears formed and started dropping on the paper. Tears only felt like sharp knifes cutting my cheeks. I was crying everyday over her and the pain didn't loosen up a bit.