Tommyinnit Oneshots (With SBI)

It Doesn't Feel Right (Tommy angst)

Tommy POV

Nothing about me felt right. Some things I could change. I cut my once long hair short. I refused to wear anything that was feminine. It just made me so uncomfortable, like I was in someone else's body. To anyone else I looked and acted like a boy. I even changed my name, at least to my friends. I wasn't Trista, I was Tommy.

The one thing I couldn't change was my body. I couldn't change the parts I wanted to, so instead I wore a binder as much as possible. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be comfortable in my body.

"You okay Tommy?" I looked up to meet Wilbur's concerned eyes. He didn't know. I was scared to tell anyone, but especially Wilbur and the others. What if they hated me? What if they didn't want to be friends anymore? I couldn't handle that. Especially when I had lost so many friends already.

"Of course big man!" I grinned, though it didn't quite meet my eyes. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Wilbur studied me for a moment. I knew he could see right through me, he always could. He knew how terrible I was at lying. "You've been really quiet, you sure everything is okay?"

Everyone else looked towards me, all sharing the same concerned look. I smiled at their worry, glad that someone cared about me. Biting my lip, I shook my head. "I'm fine Wilbur."

Wilbur didn't believe me, I could tell by his raised eyebrows. But he nodded, probably planning to talk to me privately later. The others let it go, going back to talking.

The five of us continued walking, enjoying each other's company. We had all met up after a few weeks of planning. We were headed back to the hotel for our last night together just to have a movie night.

"What movie are we going to watch?" Tubbo asked excitedly as we entered the hotel.

Techno shrugged, "Anything you guys want."

"Anything but up." Wilbur muttered.

"Hey!" I shouted, punching him playfully in the arm. "Up is the best movie!"

"Tommy you always cry." Phil chuckled, leading the way to the elevator.

"I do not!" 

Tubbo laughed, swinging his arm over my shoulder. "Don't worry Tommy, I'll cry with you."

I rolled my eyes, "Boy thanks Tubbo."

We continued to talk and we headed to the room. I tried to ignore how constricted my breathing seemed to become. I bit my lip, knowing I was wearing my binder for too long. But I couldn't take it off! What if someone noticed?

"I'll get the snacks." Techno commented, heading to the small kitchen.

"I'll make popcorn." Phil volunteered, glancing towards the others. "You three figure out what movie we're watching."

Wilbur nodded, sprinting to the living room. "I get to pick!"

"Hey wait for me!" Tubbo giggled, running after him.

I stood still for a minute, trying to take a deep breath. Shaking my head I sprinted after them, refusing to follow my brain's plea. I can't take it off. I can't. They can't know! They'll leave me too.

I stopped in the living room, trying to catch my breath. My heart began to race as I realized I couldn't take a full breath. My lungs tried to pump air in, but it just wouldn't work. My hands began to tremble.

"Tommy?"

I looked up in a full panic as Wilbur stood up. Tubbo followed but kept a good distance, not wanting to overwhelm me it seemed.

I continued to struggle, trying to catch my breath. He was going to find out! I realized, tears coming to my eyes at the idea. I was going to lose them.

"Tommy, you need to breathe." Wilbur said calmly, taking my hands in his.

"I can't!" I cried out, pulling away from him. They were going to hate me! I was going to be all alone.

"Tubbo, go get Phil." Wilbur whispered. Tubbo rushed out of the room, his eyes wide with worry. "Tommy, why can't you breath? Is there something I should know?" he questioned.

I shook my head, more tears coming. I gasped, "You'll hate me! You wouldn't like me anymore!" I took a deep breath, still struggling.

"Tommy I could never hate you." the brunette murmured, a heart broken look in his eyes. "Please, tell me what's wrong! You're worrying me!"

By now they were all watching from the other room, but they stayed away, knowing Wilbur would get the most luck. Not that I didn't trust them, because I did. But Wilbur and I were close in a way that no one else was.

Finally the panic overtook the fear as my hands rushed to take the binder off. I bolted to the bathroom, slipping it off and allowing myself to finally breathe. Tears clouded my vision as I realized I would have to tell them. They were going to make me leave! I might as well pack right now.

A knock came from the door. "Tommy, are you okay?"

It was Wilbur.

Biting my lip, I nodded. I curled in on myself, not wanting to see everything I hated so much. "I-I'm okay." I whispered, not even sure if he could hear.

Wilbur sighed with relief. "What was that Tommy? What happened? We're all worried about you Toms." He paused, probably looking at the others. "You don't have to tell everyone... but can you please tell me Toms? It's just me."

I closed my eyes, knowing there was no way out of this. I slipped my sweatshirt back on, standing up. "Okay..." 

I opened the door, wiping the tears from my eyes. Wilbur stood there, more concerned than ever. He stepped closer, closing the door behind him. "What happened Tommy?"

I shifted from foot to foot. "I'm not who you think I am."

Wilbur raised an eyebrow, a look of confusion filling his face. "What do you mean? You're Tommy, my little brother."

I shook my head, my fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of the sweatshirt. "I'm not a boy..." I looked down, not wanting to see his reaction. "My real name is Trista... but please don't call me that. I'm a boy. A-At least I want to be."

"Then you are Tommy." I looked up in surprise, truly thinking that he would think I was a disgrace or something. Like everyone else did.

"You don't hate me?"

Wilbur chuckled, shaking his head. "Do you seriously think I would ever hate you Tommy?"

I sighed, "Everyone else did- does. I figured you would leave me just like them..."

"Well then they don't deserve to have you in their lives." Wilbur growled, seemingly fuming at the thought of someone leaving me like that. "You deserve to be happy no matter what. And if you want to be something other than what you were born as then that's your choice! I don't give a shit what anyone else says, you deserve to be happy."

I stared at him, shocked by the sudden anger that took over him. He really cared. Tears came to my eyes. "You actually care." I whispered, unable to stop the tears as they came down.

Wilbur turned to me, holding his arms open. "Of course I do Toms." I didn't hesitate to run into his arms, hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace with just as much force, keeping me as close as he could. 

"You're my Tommy no matter what."

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-Snowy