Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)

Chapter 10: Dr. Feel Good Again (Nikki Sixx)

A few days have passed since we've begun recording 'Dr Feelgood', and we've averaged at least 3 songs a day and that's STILL been managed with any needed tweaking here and there. This is a record for us for sure and it's all thanks to Steven. Steven.... i don't know where our band or he or myself would be without one another and I feel it in my bones I'll never have to find out. Is it really THAT funny how fate works out? What life throws at you? I admit, the sting of betrayal has dulled, but I have my days...same as Steven, and Steven struggles sometimes worse than I do, because he has been the bigger person thru all this shit that Guns has and is putting him thru and STILL, they won't acknowledge it or him. It breaks my heart to see Steven's face and baby blues darken each time we see Guns on tv, or their album is mentioned.... Steven should NEVER be upset...never.

Currently it's just Steven and I in the studio, working on tweaking some instrumentals for the title track for the album, we'd just had lunch and coincidentally today is Mick's birthday, his 30th and I demanded he celebrate with Ozzy and his family at home. Vince is off with Zak, I think maybe Vince or Mick may drop by, but I told them not to worry. Besides at the rate we've been going, our album is essentially finished...just some little things here and there and the final mixing sessions, which I'd always done myself in the past...but this time, I have Steven. I motion for a break, and Steven gets the message and puts his drum sticks down. His look is concerned.... well, I can't SEE what my face is doing, but I can feel a frown...

I feel a gentle touch on my arm, "Nikki? You, ok? You're frowning.... awfully deep in thought I guess?" Steven questions.

"Yeah...just a lot on my mind." I sigh but muster a smile. Yeah, he's not buying it as he moves to sit next to me, releasing his hand from my arm.

"Don't bullshit me Nikki.... talk to me." Straight to the point and gentle at the same time. Steven never ceases to amaze me.

"I mean our album at the rate we've been going is basically done or almost done. All that's left is the final mixing and a few things here and there...but it's gonna be a huge hit...I know it is. And then I was thinking about you", I trail off...suddenly feeling nervous for some reason. I don't know what it is...I'm not familiar for some reason...

"Yeah...all that you've been thru. You've been the bigger person thru all of this....and STILL they won't acknowledge you or what they've done or are doing. It just breaks my heart to see the look on your face, whenever you see something, Guns related...hear news, you should NEVER be upset...I just hate seeing you upset." I really do...but...I find I love seeing him happy.

"Oh Nikki...Nikki, I know...it very much STILL hurts. I have my days and so do you. But we have each other, we always will." Quietly, he leans his head against my shoulder. "I hate seeing you upset too, and I-I don't know what the fuck I'd do without you or where I'd be."

"Ditto." A thought occurs to me, I want to do something special...something I haven't done in YEARS: cook my Nona's famous lasagna recipe and her tiramisu. God, do I miss her! I just feel like doing something special for Steven, though he'd argue and HAS argued that I do/ have done enough. Agree to disagree, he'd tell me..., "Hey Steven? How about we get the fuck up out of here? Then we can do whatever we want.... well actually I want to do something special for you if that's ok?" Shyly now, me not quite sure why.

"Sure.... special? Nikki, you don't have to go to so much trouble for me! You do enough already!" Steven protests. See? Well, he knows I'm gonna do it anyway...but he deserves to be taken care of, spoiled even.... hmm...

"Don't argue, you know you wont win!" I smirk, Steven playfully rolls his eyes.

"Wait! What is this special thing you mentioned?" Steven tilts his head curiously.... he's still leaning against me.

"Ah, now that's a surprise." I smile.... Steven huffs and I relent...somewhat, "It's something I haven't done in years that I just want to do for you. I'll tell you in the car." Steven grins wildly, which in turn makes me do the same. We leave the studio, pausing to let Mick and Vince know and wish Mick a happy birthday and get in the car. Steven fiddles with the radio as usual, landing on our favorite station.

"Ok, Sixx...spill." Steven arches an eyebrow at me as I drive.

"So...it's been years, but about the only things I know how to cook well are my Nona's lasagna recipe and her tiramisu. Since those were and are my favorites.... they were the ONLY good part of my childhood." I find tears slipping down my cheeks and a warm hand squeezing my free one.

"I can tell how much she meant to you...how much she still means to you....and I am touched and honored you'd share this with me...and Nikki? Thank you so much!" Steven's voice is husky too from tears. We end up going to the store, me telling stories about my Nona...including her reaction to the time as a teen I died my hair silver, which was priceless...still she supported me. Soon I gather everything I need, and we head home, Steven offers to help me cook...but I tell him i got this.

"All I need is you to keep me company Steven."

"Like you'd even have to ask..." Steven grins as I get started, us talking and laughing. This right here, is all I need....

I put my heart and soul into our meal, Steven never leaving from his place at the kitchen island except to go piss, which I tease him about and that earns me two middle fingers...I only laugh as I hear HIS cackles echo...at long last, I am done...and tell Steven to go sit down at the table and he does so, and when I enter with our food and drinks, watching the way his eyes light up...it's all so fucking worth it. I serve him and then myself and I wait for him to eat first, REALLY hoping he likes it, but he looks concerned I'm not eating.

"Are you gonna eat?"

"I wanted to see what you think before I do. Really hoping that you like it." Getting nervous again to the point my voice squeaks.

"I know I'll LOVE it." Steven assures me as he takes a bite of lasagna, his eyes widening with...delight. "Holy shit! I tell you; I've never had lasagna this good!! Like Damn!"

"THANK YOU.... that means a lot seriously." I tell him, as I dig into my food...but what he says next makes me tear up...

"You really did your Nona proud here...but then, you ALWAYS do her proud."

Thank you, Steven...just thank you....

We eat, we both eat like horses and manage to eat dessert and somehow there are leftovers, Steven all but demands he help store leftovers, and wash dishes and I don't argue. After all that is said and done, we both drift to the living room and plop down on the couch with satisfied sighs.

"Nikki, that was truly a special meal...and that you shared something that meant so much to you with me...something you haven't done in so long.... i loved it, that means so much that you did that for me." Steven says quietly.

"You do so much for me Steven, this is the least I can do...I'd do anything for you...you deserve to be cared for and hell even spoiled." And I mean every damn word and then some about what I just said to him.

"Same here.... now, what do we wanna do? Hit Sunset? Shoot pool? Watch movies? "Steven exclaims at 100mph, but I catch what he's saying.

"Movies, if that's ok?" I ask.

"Hell, yes that's ok! "Steven declares, as I find us some movies and make some popcorn and we start our movie marathon....

It is here, on this day...that I was slowly coming around to realizations about Steven...at least I have come to see it that way...but it would still be a couple of months until I FULLY realized what my heart already knew.

A/N: Bonding, Nikki doing something special for Steven and more.... Next chapter for Chapter 11, we will officially meet Ozzy and Mick's daughter: Liza...and for the HIGHLY anticipated....Nikki and Steven TRULY falling for each other and or possible or i.e. the road to love and all...will be in chapter 12, where some months will have passed and it will be Thanksgiving. So excited!!