Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)

Chapter 2: The Betrayal Deepens (Nikki Sixx)

Allow me to clarify some things here: yes, I've overdosed twice...died twice in fact and I get the feeling I sure as hell wouldn't make it a third time. But January.... why is it always January or at least the last several years...why is it the biggest life changes and or disappointments occur? Fucking sucks, I tell you.... For my health and my livelihood but more over for ME, I need to get clean. I was fully supported by Mick, Vince, Zak, and the Oz man himself: Ozzy Osbourne. So, when I told Steven, that wait till they heard about how royally and wrongly Steven was fucked over but didn't include Tommy Lee. Well, there's some damn good reasons, to me anyway, Firstly, everyone thinks of us as the 'Terror Twins' and rumors abound about us being a couple...FUCK NO. he's my brother or he was...he was 'our brother', when Motley made it big....things changed, or really it revealed what had already been there: Tommy was not who we thought and he licked Doc's boots i.e. he ratted us out for YEARS. And I'd just recently found out, and Mick, Vince, and I...were like 'what the fuck do we do?'. Plus, Tommy wasn't a victim...he willingly licked Doc's boots and betrayed us; he'd said so himself or so I'd also heard. So, all the buddy-buddy terror twins' shit, was A LIE for show...to me it hadn't been until the truth was discovered. The comes Steven Adler, I was super fucked up to say the least on the Girls, Girls, Girls Tour but I did notice, he wasn't happy...treated like shit, he put on a happy face, but no one knew it seemed or cared. So, things all around haven't been happy in years, in my band or otherwise....and so the betrayal deepens.

So, a few days have passed, and Poor Steven....is like me, beyond lost...hurt.... lied to....and he hasn't spoken since the first day, not even in therapy's and such, he listens...he writes...but his world is shattered. I'd just gotten done with one of my sessions.... when my name is called and to my surprise, it was Vince and Mick.... i note Steven has not had any visitors. We sit down and I take a deep breath and my heart drops at the looks on their faces....

"First off, what the fuck happened now?"

"Man.... Tommy's quit." Vince spits out bitterly, clenching his jaw. Mick looks pissed.

"Fucking asshole!" I hiss, "After giving him a career? Making him rich? He's already more than betrayed us as we found out recently...but mother fucker."

"Um Sixx, there's more....and God, I hate to do this..." Mick starts uncharacteristically nervous. "Tommy well of course breached his contract, but he's joined another band I'd heard."

"Whose?" My voice dark, barely restraining my self from hunting Tommy down. I get this sinking feeling....and think of Steven.

"Guns' n' Fucking Roses!" Vince snaps, my jaw dropped.... but then I manage to say...

"Oh no...no...Steven Adler is here, I think I'd told you......he was fired over the fucking telephone the first day, by Axl Rose.... Steven founded the band; Axl was his boyfriend.... but he was thrown out like yesterday's trash, he hasn't spoken since the first day.... this will kill him." My voice bitter, and a little bit vulnerable. There is silence.... you could hear a pin drop.

"Steven? That was done to.... i had no fucking clue man, they always seemed to treat him well that I saw...God...I feel like a fucking idiot!" Vince pulls at his hair, clearly frustrated.

"Sweet guy, oh god...." Mick shakes his head sadly. "Sixx.... i feel you are probably doing well with your sobriety considering, but I am SO sorry that we've layed this on you...but you needed to know." I note his eyes are dark with the sheen of tears.

"Doing well as can with being sober.... but I did need to know. You and Vince are TRUE friends.... we can decide later what to do, ok?" I run my fingers thru my hair...struggling not to lose it. They agree and we chat for a bit, and they leave...I go to find Steven, who's curled up in his bed, writing lyrics.... he looks up and starts, as frustrated tears slip down my cheeks and he speaks taken aback and worried and I can see fear....the first time in DAYS he speaks, and I have to tell him...Tommy has apparently taken his place, from what I'd gathered they were friends or so I'd thought....the betrayal further deepening...for him and for me...how will I fucking do this? Further break his heart....

"Nikki.... w-what happened?" I sigh heavily and sit cross-legged on my bed bangs obscuring my eyes. Steven's baby blues widen with realization, "Please God...tell me this doesn't involve me." Fuck!!

Here I meet his gaze, "It DOES...I'm sorry." I take a breath trying not to lose my shit. "Mick and Vince came by...because well before I tell you what I am going to tell you.... i gotta be fucking honest, things in Motley haven't been great in a long time, since we hit it big...like with Tommy. He changed when we hit it big, and he started licking Doc's boots and recently we'd just found out that or realized fully and he ratted us out numerous times as well....and well.... he's breached his contract, but I'd as soon be done with HIM..." Grow a fucking pair Sixx!! "Steven...Mick and Vince told me...it's been rumored Tommy Lee joined Guns'N 'Roses and has taken your place." Deadly suffocating silence follows.... before Steven, bursts into tears rocking himself back and forth his lyric book hitting the floor with a thud...I move to try and calm him because he's about to have the mother of all panic attacks....

"N-No...N-no...NO, NO!!!" Steven is hyperventilating...starting too...but he won't let me near him..., "H-How...why? C-could he...I thought...was f-friend...he-he...n-no...Nik-ki.... s-sorry! M-My...fault-t." I tell myself screw it, as Steven makes himself pass out and I catch him before he hits the floor and my panic alerts an on-duty nurse, who checks him over....and I told them what happened. I felt...I FEEL so fucking guilty. And I feel even worse, because too I could tell that Steven blamed himself for Tommy leaving Motley.... but I know too there is more to it...

Steven is placed back in his bed, and I pick up his lyric book...and he finally stirs, eyes meeting mine, his filled with such anguish.... i feeling I know all too well...his eyes darken with tears....

"Nikki.... i am SO...SORRY. You didn't deserve that...its my fault that..." I cut him off.

"It's NOT your fault Steven...no...Tommy I believe would have left anyway. YOU don't deserve that...what's happened...I regret telling you because I knew it would devastate you." I whisper.

"No...I mean IT HURTS LIKE FUCKING HELL, but...you were honest, and I appreciate that. Even if I hate it...my mistake was trusting people, like my old bandmates and Tommy...I just want...or wanted to be accepted...PERIOD. Here I am...trying to get sober, how the hell myself or you is managing right now...I have no clue, but  here we are...two lost and lonely souls.... did I tell you?" Steven finishes his painful speech.

"Tell me what?" I sniffle, clenching my fist.

"The day I was dropped off? Was my 20th birthday.... how's THAT for a 'fuck you, you don't matter'?" MY jaw hits the damn floor at this....

"Oh my god..." I manage to get out. Nothing else is said for a while, Steven burrowing under his covers and clutching his pillow...I think he's went to sleep until...

"Thank you for trying to help me earlier.... sorry I didn't let you."

"No problem, man...don't fucking worry about it." I state quietly as his breathing then deepens and I then lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.

Betrayal runs deep....more and more twisted....it hurts...Tommy, the prick...ungrateful prick....hurting so many...driving a sword thru not necessarily my heart...I am so fucking pissed more than anything...but thru...Steven...Steven's been thru so much, so much on his plate...it's a wonder either of us are able to even remotely able to be sober right now...I know what's going on especially is killing him...and it was his birthday the day he came to rehab? In the future I hope that changes...it has too....it would indeed change in the future.... everything would change and for the better.

A/N: Betrayal runs even deeper, more of a tangled web is woven...and changes will be spoken of in upcoming chapters...so much is on the horizon....stay tuned!