Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)

Chapter 36: Dr. Feel Good- On the Road Again (Nikki Sixx)

We are all officially out on the road again, have been for a few weeks. And of course, the shows are stellar! There is no better 'drug' if you will than the adrenaline from playing, the crowd energy and even better? Steven, my amazing husband. Steven always a trouper, always cheerful no matter how tired he is, the true heart and soul of the band and MY true heart and soul. Currently, we are traveling on an airplane (private jet) since we are on the international part of the tour. Ozzy had also had some shows, aka Ozzfest and now is with us as is Liza, which by extension means Zak is here as well. Mick and Ozzy are cuddling, Liza is sleeping.... Zak and Vince disappeared to the back for 'private' reasons, yeah, I know what they are up to.

My husband and I are cuddling and currently Steven is asleep with his head in my lap, gently I run my fingers thru his hair, feeling on top of the world and so damn lucky.

"I love you." I whisper, but then frown as we had, had an argument about Guns.... prior to Steven falling asleep, we'd sort of made up...but i...

"Mmm Nikki?" Steven groans, but then his beautiful blues fill with tears. "Oh...OH.... I'm sorry we had t-that argument...its w-was stupid.... you were just trying to help m-me. –"

"Baby...IT'S OK. I know you were frustrated with all that recent news about Axl and Tommy and the rest, starting to give shit again in the media about you." I whisper, Steven sits up and burrows into my embrace shaking, I try my best to soothe him...fearing him...leaving me.... wanting US to have peace.

"Nikki? I can feel your worry...you know I would never ever leave you babe. I've just been so damn frustrated, that I can't get a break...but you WERE right that they are just digging themselves a hole. i just feel...i mean.... i just hate that...we argued." Steven's voice is so small, and that breaks my heart, and he refuses to look at me.

Gently, I tilt his face to look at me. "Hey.... look at me. I hate it too.... but we always talk it out...like right now.... i have this fear you'll leave me, because of THEM." Steven startles, but his look is so loving and determined both.

"That's what I love about us....and I will never fucking do that no matter if we argue or no. I can see it Nikki, you want peace like I do.... they just like to talk shit. We all have our bad days babe, Buuuut...I have been fighting back, dropping tidbits as it were to Allen." Steven ends smirking wickedly, and I find myself matching him.

"Oh, DO tell..." I purr.

"Weeeelll.... things like, 'certain sizes' as it were...what their performance if you will be like on drugs, believe me that's scary shit I had to witness, Duff wetting the bed when he was shit-faced...things like that." Steven's grin is wicked.

"Oh, you are evil babe! And God do I love it!" I grin back at my husband before frowning, wondering if....

"Nikki?" Steven questions concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Did they make you watch? Or, Or.... hurt you? Like as in?" I can't bring myself to say it, Steven's eyes darken, filled with sadness.

"Do you...really want to know Nikki? Trust me you wont like it."

"Y-Yes, Steven before you tell me it won't make me love you any less. Nothing you could ever tell me would make me not love you." My heart sinks, as he bursts into tears clinging to me burying his face in my chest, as I desperately try to calm him...very much regretting what I asked.

"O-Of...c-course...remember when I said I was their punching bag? Well, I never told you.... i couldn't, yes, they made me watch or forced me to blow them or forced me to be their partner when they had no one, but then I guess I didn't know any better. I stayed fucked up on drugs, but even drugs couldn't numb my pain."

"I will KILL THEM.... Oh baby, I am sorry...so sorry I...keep upsetting you." I start crying myself, my heart aching and breaking for my husband. Steven pulls away from me enough to look at me his eyes puffy and he looks startled.

"Nikki don't go their babe. You're not upsetting me, if anything.... i needed to tell someone everything, I can't keep trauma like that inside me forever and if I had to tell anyone, I am glad it's YOU Nikki, that I am telling. You're all the therapy I need." Shakily Steven and I, wipe one another's tears away and we kiss, an emotionally charged kiss and part for breath afterwards.

"Steven, I would have no one by my side but you. There was a time, not so long ago when I would beat myself up to say the least, call myself a fuck up.... you made all that go away." I whisper, gently stroking my husband's face with my hands, him leaning into my touch.

"Funny I could say the same thing about you Nik." Steven has a smile on his face, albeit a watery one, but a smile none the less. I am SO fucking lucky I can call him my husband. "Oh! We've sold out most of the shows again, haven't we?"

"Hell, yes, we have babe!" I grin, before softening my look I can tell. "How lucky am I? To be with my other half, that you are my other half? And always remember, you can come to me for anything...anything at all babes."

"I will." Steven and I spend the rest of the flight cuddling and we both fall asleep....

Upon waking, everyone heads straight for the hotel and has food brought to their rooms, including my husband and I, but first we drop our luggage and change into sleep wear before attacking our food like men starved.

"This is decent, nothing like what you make Steven." I remark to my husband in between wolfing food down.

"That's because they didn't put the love in!" Steven's laugh is infectious, I find myself laughing with him.

"They put the 'eh' in!" I quip, as we continue to eat like we haven't eaten in forever. Soon we are full, then we lay up in bed together, me with my sketch book and pencils and Steven reading a book. I love moments like this, where my husband and I don't have to say a word, we can feel the warmth, the love between us...savoring one another and the quiet contentment if you will. As Steven reads, I find myself drawing the man sitting up beside me, I get lost in what I am doing....

"Sorry to interrupt...but what are you drawing?"

"Don't be sorry Steven and.... here babe..." I turn the sketch book to where he can see, and his eyes go wide.

"WOW!! It's me.... if I didn't know better, I'd swear this was a photograph." Steven is very much in awe.

I set the book aside and draw him into my arms, "It means a lot to me blue eyes for you to have said that. You've been my biggest fan with my photography, my art period."

"Always Nik. Always." Quietly. And it occurs to me...'Nik', a pet name...Nickname.

"I've just noticed you've started calling me Nik." I am rewarded with my husband's blush, magnifying his baby blues. "I love it." I add softly.

"It's taken me two years to come up with a nickname...but better late than never!" Steven quips.

"Well, 'babe' and 'baby' and 'Sexy' DO count as pet and or nicknames!" I counter.

Steven playfully rolls his eyes, "Whatever!"

"Would you like to call me those pet names? Or...hmm, I could make you scream them...." I trail off suggestively, my tone deep.... Steven is quickly and pleasantly flushed. I pull him to me and needless to say, a very HOT and loving night.... then the next day, back on the road...another show.

It would be about August when Steven at last conceived our first child and Mick would already be like 2 months along...it is coming, fast. Though for my husband and I, given how busy we were with the tour and all, it took us awhile of course to realize at least fully.

A/N: Tender moments, painful moments and more. No matter what Nikki and Steven have each other and can get thru anything. Next chapter will see a time skip of about 2 months, putting them in July of 1990 and will lead to what we've all been waiting for. Stay tuned for more!