Our album is finished and has just been released a month ago BIG FUCKING HIT by the way..it now being November and Thanksgiving. I'll get back to the present in a moment...but all the months since May and Now, have been a fucking blitz: Interviews, filming a slew of music videos, getting a single or singles on the air, and the like. But then...then there was Steven, there IS Steven. I've gotten so much joy at seeing him happy, doing what he loves.... the guys: Vince and Mick, have told me repeatedly since all those months ago that, this feels right. Steven is in a band where he is thriving, respected and well now we all are thriving. Steven still has his moments, where sometimes the pain...becomes too much, but he nor I touch drugs or Booze...but I am there for him, have been there for him. It kills me whenever he is upset.... like when seeing Guns on tv or hearing songs off their new album, Steven recently has told me..., "Fuck them...just.... I give up trying to be Nice, maybe that's been the problem with me."
To which I'd responded with, "Steven you've got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known, that proves that you are a good person and are the bigger person thru all of this...but if you don't want to try anymore with them and no one by the way will blame you..., then the guys and me especially will support you." That made Steven feel a lot better, and I watched his eyes light up....and it made my heartbeat wildly out of control....
And that's another thing or couple of things or OK a lot of things: Steven and I did a lot of bonding together in rehab, bonding over shitty childhoods, mutual abuse and the like...but Steven was raped...and I STILL want to kill his Uncle for doing that to Steven, though what Axl did to Steven, THAT I do not think nor want to forgive even more so....But anyway, Steven. He became my best friend, my absolute best friend in the world.... talented as Fuck, Sweet, funny...always down for a good time, he's shown me how much fun life can be with out drugs, without booze.... That day, that day that Steven met Liza...whom loves 'Aunt Stevie' dearly, I'd started noticing this way about him...and I....
It hits me...like a thunderbolt, and my heart beats so fast I feel like I am having a heart attack, which brings us to now, I am laying in bed...mid-morning on thanksgiving, currently trapped in bed covers and have been thinking....and EVERYTHING is hitting me at once, I clutch at my chest...worried, but then my thoughts drift back to Steven and I calm....
All these months, basically this whole year or most of this year...but Now I see, all those moments, me noticing how he sticks his tongue out of his mouth when concentrating...how if I go out without him, it doesn't feel right and I rush back to him, me seeing him smile, thrive, being so proud of him...I LOVE HIM, I have fallen in love with my best friend....I...
Tears stream down my face at the realization, that I am in love....truly in love....I have to tell him...I leap out of bed and throw off my covers, piss, tame my hair at least somewhat and sprint downstairs where my brain kicks in as I smell the scent of pumpkin, cinnamon and coffee....I leap down the steps, and am quickly in the kitchen and its like time stops as I see Steven sitting at the kitchen island, a plate of pumpkin cinnamon rolls and coffee before him and he has his ever present lyric book in hand...it occurs to me, still crying...my heart stops...
Steven looks up with a start and shocked at my state, quickly rushing to my side...
"Whoa...are you ok? Nikki...maybe sit down...I'm worried about you." Steven leads me to sit down and takes my hands in his. "Talk to me...what's got you upset? And whose ass do I need to kick?"
I choke out a wet laugh, "No one's ass...yet." I take a breath, "I need to tell you something important, its nothing bad...but I've realized these past months, everything has just hit me at once...." You can do this, look the man you love in the eyes..., "Steven you've become my or have been my absolute best friend in the world.... you put the heart and soul back into more than just Motley.... But ME...Steven I've fallen in love with you." Steven's eyes are wide, filled with tears but I see...the love, the sparks...now I see.
"I-I-I have fallen in love with you too, I don't know when exactly...well I mean, maybe it's always been there. You gave me a purpose in life, took me in, gave my life a new direction, healed me...listened to me, I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do with out you Nikki. You're the best man, I have ever known...you've given me so much, a life, home and family and friends...but more than that, you've given me your heart and mine...my heart is and will always be yours!" I pull him into my lap, where he is looking down into my eyes and I am drowning in his baby blues and he leans in and I lean in, I feel his breath ghost across my lips...and then our mouths come together in a loving, hot, sweet, and fiery kiss...it IS everything. I swear I feel his heartbeat in time with mine. We reluctantly part for breath, Steven resting his forehead against mine...and suddenly our stomachs both let out simultaneous growls and we laugh like lunatics, as we then, Steven reluctantly getting off my lap...devour the delicious pumpkin cinnamon rolls and coffee...and then we wash dishes together...me washing dishes with my...boyfriend and another thought occurs...
"Steven? What do you wanna do now? Oh shit! What about, the food?" I start panicking.
"Relax baby..." I smile at his calling me 'baby', "I did a lot of prep last night, so dinner won't take as long to cook.... i didn't fix turkey...well Cornish game hens, one for each of us...so mini chickens!" Steven's laugh accompanying that 'mini chickens' comment is infectious, so much so I pull him into my embrace and spin him around, in joy. We end up making our way to the living room and watching the Thanksgiving parade on tv and cuddling, Steven fitting perfectly with me...
Later, I help Steven with Fixing dinner.... the both of us laughing, and trading kisses and before I know it, dinner is ready and we sit down at the table, everything family style.
"You know? This is the best holiday I've ever had...I'm not bull-shiting you...this time last year...I don't remember to be honest, its all a blur...I had nothing to live for...but now I DO, its all because of you, every day I am thankful...thankful I met you in rehab, thankful that now we will be a couple...hell, we ARE a couple. I love you...I can't say that enough." Steven's answer to my emotional speech is to lean over and kiss me. I melt...yes melt.
"I could say the same thing for me...stuck where I wasn't wanted, abused...but...then if that stuff hadn't have happened, then I may not be here...be here with you. And I love you too, I can't say THAT enough." Steven says softly, and then we eat, and Steven's cooking is delicious, even more so than usual, or maybe its just me...or because I am in love and seeing things...everything thru new eyes....
We tear thru dinner, like starving men and I insist on helping Steven wash dishes, my arms wrapped around him from behind, how the hell we managed to wash dishes like that, I don't know...it didn't matter, we were both were we belonged: With each other.
When we are once more on the couch, Steven burrowing into my embrace, my arms wrapped around him, us watching a Christmas movie we'd just put in...I just feel so peaceful, and I love it....
"I feel so peaceful, its nice...really nice." I murmur to my boyfriend.
"Mmm yes, it is..." Steven pauses and then exclaims, "oooh I wanted to ask you! Can I decorate our house for Christmas?!"
I laugh, "Hell yes you can! I'd love that." My tone growing soft.
"Oh, and I know its in a couple of weeks...but your birthday, I wanted to do something a little special...maybe just us."
"Steven everything you do is special to me.... but if you are asking..." I tease him, wiggling my eyebrows as he gently smacks me in the chest, playfully.
"Cool it Casanova!" Steven quips, I tease him more rewarded with his blush.
"How can I cool it, when you make me SO hot."
"Touché." Steven concedes, still by the way blushing/
"Steven in all seriousness, I will wait as long as you need for that." Steven looks at me in wonder, his eyes shining with trust and love.
"That means the world to me Nikki." Voice soft. "Oh...those chocolate cherry chunk cookies? Well, I had the idea for your birthday to make it into a cake but with my own special devil's food, and the meal I made our first night together here."
"Sounds perfect." I bring him into a kiss, taking my time.... I knew even in rehab Steven would always be a permanent fixture in my life...he IS my life, my love.
A/N: At last love is confessed!! A romantic first holiday and next chapter, and the next chapters after that...it's a three parter on Steven and Nikki's first Christmas Season together...much more to come!
YOU ARE READING
Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)
Storie d'amoreSummary: What if what you thought you knew about Guns 'n' Roses and Motley Crϋe Changed, that the story was different? What if Steven Adler is lied to or Coerced into Rehab and is fired from his band and ends up becoming the drummer for Motley Crϋe...
