Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)

Chapter 3: Where do I go? What do I do? (Steven Adler)

Yesterday...it was yesterday...the betrayal got EVEN worse. And here a small part of me at least, thought naively that things couldn't get worse. Well obviously, I was so fucking wrong that it wasn't funny. Tommy Lee, yet ANOTHER person who I thought was my friend...betrayed me and has apparently taken my place. I freaked, FREAKED when Nikki told me...and speaking of Nikki, he's also been even more betrayed...but still I blamed myself and he looked shocked when I did so. And what had SHOCKED me, was the frustrated or rather angry tears that slipped down his cheeks, his eyes dark...surely a sight to given anyone pause. He was right...that he's NOT the asshole he's billed as, he's like me broken and used....

So, when I freaked, I swear he tried his best to comfort me during my panic attack. Which really, I appreciated so much, but at the time I wasn't having it. Besides writing lyrics and all, and I do talk with Nikki, because really that's all I have. I think I am slowly thinking of him as a friend, I mean Nikki is much more genuine, but still so much to be done in our mental recovery...but its nice to have someone else to perhaps lean on.... But still where do I go from here? What do I do when I leave here? What? Still so lost...very lost.

Which brings us to now, me during a therapy session.... going over the same shit AGAIN, but I need to try...I need to, determined to be sober...though it's a fucking struggle....

"So yeah, I have no job...everything was stolen from me, I don't know how the fuck I am gonna have any kind of life after this, it's a miracle I'm sober...will be one if I can stay that way." I state bitterly, trying very hard not to cry.... again.

"Take things one day at a time...that's all anyone can do.... and..." I cut my therapist off with a sigh...

"I AM, but every day. Everyday it's something different. WORSE that happens. Fucking sucks.... you know? When I was dropped off by that asshole, I can't speak his name...it was my 20th birthday! Thrown away like trash. I had no childhood...abusive relatives, and so yeah drugs and shit, seemed only natural." I rant and then continue to ramble away until mercifully for me the session ends, and I head back to my room with Nikki, to find it empty and I flop down on the bed with a sigh.... this time the tears come...and wont stop.

I'm letting Axl win! I'm letting those that betrayed me fucking win! Still where do I go from here? No one to care...well that's not true, it seems Nikki and I have bonded a bit or leaned on each other because of all this....

"Steven? Whoa...you, ok?" Nikki, guess he's back from therapy or whatever.

"N-No...I'm not ok. Just when I think I don't have any more tears to cry.... now all I can think of is that I'm letting those that betrayed me win. That I have no one to care...but Nikki, man if I didn't have someone here with me, you here with me.... i don't think I'd be here at all." I let those words hang in the air and glance at Nikki, who looks sad and very concerned. "Plus.... i feel selfish, I mean you're suffering too with all this...struggling."

"God...do I know how you feel. All too well. And Steven? Yeah, I'm suffering...but when haven't I, is part of how I feel? But I can see it, you mean you feel selfish because you feel like you're not thinking about my feelings...but the FACT that you asked me or pointed it out, that wasn't selfish to me. You CARE." I take in Nikki's words, and I sit up cross-legged.

"And...and, I have no where to live...no clothes, nothing...I mean, I don't know where to go or what to do next. I have so much on my plate and finding a place to live...I mean...God...I..." Nikki cuts me off apologetically and he looks determined.

"Steven? Why don't you live at my house? I have a shit-ton of room. I..." This time I cut him off in disbelief that he'd do such a thing, anyone would do such a thing.

"Are you serious? Look I can't ask you to do that.... I-I-Didn't mean to suggest..." I stammer very much flustered, pulling at my hair and looking everywhere but Nikki. I cant put him thru that.... i feel like I can't...

"Steven man, look at me...Please" Reluctantly I look up at Nikki, "Steven Adler I wouldn't say such a thing if I didn't mean it. You won't have to pay rent; I won't treat you like a servant or a punching bag. Plus, I consider you a friend...and we can help each other stay sober, it would be easier to have someone around."

I look at him eyes wide, "Wow...you DO mean it. Ok, I'll do it...but I am helping pay the bills, and I'll clean up after myself, and, and...I cook and bake, like a lot...well I haven't in a long time, but I love to do that....and...well..." I am cut off by someone telling me they have something for me, something I'd entrusted to an actual old friend...it's my violin...yes, I play violin as well as drums. I thank them and caress the instrument lovingly.

Nikki's jaw drops, "You play the violin?! Damn...guns and roses are fucking idiots...they never let you play?"

"Nope.... I love drums, it's a passion, but violin...I do love classical, but I love to combine it with Rock music. I entrusted it to an old friend, they own a bar on sunset....as for the guys? They called me a pussy among other things.... stupid fuckers."

"Can you play something?" Nikki looks almost eager. I nod, as I take my violin out of the case and noticing Nikki's slack jawed expression...

"It's custom, very Vegas-y, playing cards...Deuces are Wild actually. I thought it was cool." I explain, as I lovingly tune the instrument and rosin the bow and bring it to my shoulder and I begin to play 'Home Sweet Home', not just the intro and outro...I play the whole thing. I finish and put my instrument back in its case.

"Holy Fuck! 'Home Sweet Home'...you played Mick's rifts and everything. God, you are seriously fucking talented...and you're not a pussy, for the record...you are BAD-ASS Steven Adler." Nikki, Nikki Sixx is in awe of me, and I can tell he means it.

"Seriously Thanks Nikki." I tell him sincerely. Then a thought occurs, "Ya know something? WE shouldn't let those fuckers win, not Tommy Lee...Not Guns, we should think of ways to get revenge as it were."

A very wicked smirk crosses Nikki's face, "Oh I have some perfect ideas! You and I both could write songs together and so much more.... we have SO much to talk about."

I match his smirk with my own, "Oh yes...yes, we do."

Ah 'revenge' was and is sweet...and if you got the hints, I dropped.... Nikki and I would write songs together among other things and Nikki would end up helping me get the royalties and song writing credits I was owed...I may have said a bit too much there, but really, it's a taste of things to come.

A/N: So, Steven will have a place to go after rehab, he and Nikki are developing their bond and friendship, next...they will discuss plans of action, and do some song writing and talk about their pasts. This will be a two-parter...