A week has passed since the triplet's birthday, my little angels Stormy, Ruby, and Decker.... god, how the hell are they one already?! Their birthday was perfect, as perfect can get...Cake, food, lots of presents and so much laughter....so much LOVE. But I felt and I have shared it with Nikki it was the calm before the storm, and I've started having nightmares my nerves on edge.... but my children need me, Nikki needs me, and I just want all this shit to stop. It's not fair, never has been every time I am happy, every time they try and ruin it, fucking GUNS! In any case, I've just sent or written thankyou notes and gifts to the Mclennon family and the Butler-Iommi clan and now, along with my oldest children: Drew, Frankie and Rain are helping me make a grocery list...but my mind is anywhere but where I am at. Nikki, I believe meanwhile, insisted on putting our three youngest down for naps, they'll be out for a while, our children take after my husband in the naps department.
"Mom?" Drew tentatively asks, thereby freeing me of my internal distraction.
"Popcorn, you don't have to be afraid to ask.... You can ask me anything. I know you're worried, I am so distracted, I've been having nightmares again.... I am tired of all this, tired of everything I have happiness, THEY try and snatch it away. I just have a bad feeling, I can't explain...I don't know when...or where, I'm just scared." The walls are starting to feel like they are closing in, and I try oh I try to breathe deeply, barely managing to ground myself.
"Mom! I'm gonna go get dad...." Rain's voice floats to me.
"No! Honey, you guys need me, your father needs me.... he's putting the triplets to bed for their naps.... now let's get on with this list." I try and brighten my tone, but I know none of them buy it...and Frankie disappears, I know she's gone to get Nikki.
"All right let's see.... cherries and chocolate." I DO smile at the mention of those ingredients, "Ah...what else?"
"We've got most everything, Mom." Rain says leaning over to peer at the list, "Can we have that Lemon-Grass Chicken with the coconut rice?"
"Oooh that's one of my new ones! Yes!" I am enthusiastic, but I feel the onset of tears and minutes later or maybe less, I feel my husband take me in his arms and I start bawling.
"Sorry it took me so long blue-eyes, Frankie is finishing up with Stormy, Ruby, and Decker...she kicked me out of the room.... she told me you nearly had a panic attack.... you've been having nightmares.... don't hide from me blue eyes, talk to me."
"I-I...b-bad feeling....it HURTS....SO TIRED...SO TIRED.... it's been about 20 YEARS of this shit.... That's most of my life! I'm SCARED NIKKI, so fucking scared.... i don't know when and I don't know how.... i just tried or must push it down, because I feel the kids need me, YOU need me...I just..." Nikki gently cups my face in his hands.
"Steven Joseph Adler-Sixx, you NEVER have to push your feelings down or aside for our sakes. I know you are scared, I fucking know...because I am for you, I hate seeing you hurt...be sad in any way, I always have....i want you....I know you have that bad feeling, I know babe...but I will do my damndest to defend me and I know you'd gladly do the same for me, for our children. I love you; I LOVE YOU. Never forget that." Nikki gently rocks me back and forth and I calm down after a few minutes, before I can form a reply, I feel those soft lips I love and know so well on my own, and it gives me strength, which I feel very shortly I need.
"Momma? Can we, um Frankie, Rain and I go to the store with you? Help you?" Drew pipes up, that look, that voice all Nikki.
"Well, um, if you're father says its ok...." I turn to Nikki questioningly, "What if Ruby, Stormy, and Decker wake up? I mean that's not fair to leave you like that."
"Blue eyes, its fine with me.... if they wake up, I've got this, and you're not 'leaving' me, ok? You deserve to get out of the house, but if you need me...I am there, the kids will be taken care of. Don't worry. I love you." I feel Nikki wrap his arms around me, those tattooed arms I love so well, my safe harbor and I feel his lips upon mine.
"Thank YOU, baby." I whisper and I crack a small grin. "It is actually fine I take them, right?"
"Yes blue-eyes." Nikki smiles back, looking relieved...but the worry, I see the worry. Another kiss and Frankie, Drew and Rain follow me to the car, I have my list...my bag, with my phone and we are on our way.
This reminds me of so many years ago.... when that first confrontation after Nikki and I were a couple in 89', his words then and his words NOW feel like a warning...warning....
The kids and I make conversation them telling me stories, doing their best to make me laugh, I need that...God, do I need that. Upon arrival at the store, I handed my bag to Frankie. Slight Spoiler: I had that instinct, and it turns out it was a good thing that I did that.... though it sure the fuck didn't feel like it...now, on wards...but I warn you, have tissues in the very least handy.
Rain and Drew grab a cart for me, and we make our way to produce....and I stop short at the flashbacks that hit me, but quickly I shake myself out of my stupor, my kids are worried I can tell, HELL I AM. We barely get started and I hear.... two voices I NEVER wanted to ever hear again in person, I am hoping I am hearing things....
"Well, well if it isn't Sixx's baby factory?" Axl, I groan trying to hide my whimper.
"Don't say anything ok? I'll be ok.... don't make it worse." I whisper to my oldest kids. "Go, go find a safe place, I don't want you three getting hurt."
"Mom.... we're not going to leave you." Rain protests. "We'll call Dad."
"I love you three, stay close by...go NOW." Frantic, but before they can get further, I feel myself yanked backwards, falling...., "Go....be ok...get help...." I manage to whisper, and they leave...making me relieved they will be safe or so i hope....
"Didn't you hear my husband?" Tommy Lee-Rose Sneers.
I get to my feet shakily, and SO angry my voice a hiss, "I DID...HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! BOTH OF YOU.... ATTACKING ME IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN! I AM NOT A BABY FACTORY AND I SEEM TO REMEMBER TELLING YOU TO LEAVE NIKKI OUT OF THIS!!"
"Just think we could have had our own.... or who knows really whose they were?" Axl is very angry, VERY.
"You BASTARD.... i nearly died and how did it take you so long to figure out? You didn't care, not then now, not ever." I take a deep breath vaguely noting I don't see THEIR kids, "I was FORCED to be 'the whore' passed around, gang-banged, hit every night....and every time in my life I am happy you and the rest of Guns are the cause or roots of my unhappiness. Now, I'd like to be on my way because I am NOT doing this.... I will take my children and go home. "I make the mistake of trying to get away.... That's ALWAYS a mistake. Before I can stop it, I feel pain.... a kick or kicks to my ribs.... on the floor.
"You LIED to me.... lied Steven...you know I don't like that?" Axl sneers. I grimace, as I feel myself held and despite my pain, I knee whoever is behind me, and hear a yelp...a PAINED one...Tommy...it's Tommy. "You'll PAY for what you just did."
"I-I was d-defending myself.... f-for the first t-time." I moan, trying to stay awake hoping my kids are ok.... Axl goes to hit me again, clocking me but I manage to get a good right hook in... barely, but it counts, Axl is even angrier and charges me, but I fall to my knees.... black edging my vision.... how much time has passed I don't know...I don't know, but I hear running footsteps...shouting, cops? I think, hazy...hold on Steven, hold on....and finally, I hear...maybe I am dying....
"Blue eyes?!! Stay awake...come on babe...stay awake!" and I give into the darkness....
If you are wondering, the kids hid away...and immediately called for help...They called Nikki, who immediately got on the horn with family, Zak, and Vince in fact, since they lived closer than Mick and Oz to take the triplets, who thankfully were sleeping at the time. When I woke, well I won't give too much more away...but this WAS the final confrontation, for Nikki would get ahold of Guns, and FINALLY the nightmare of them plaguing me...US would be no more.
A/N: The oldest kids are ok, worried about their mother...upset, and this will indeed be the FINAL confrontation, Guns will FINALLY learn. PART 2 TO COME!
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Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)
Roman d'amourSummary: What if what you thought you knew about Guns 'n' Roses and Motley Crϋe Changed, that the story was different? What if Steven Adler is lied to or Coerced into Rehab and is fired from his band and ends up becoming the drummer for Motley Crϋe...
