Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)

Chapter 23: Halfway There (Steven Adler)

Dreams...dreams, real...powerful, visions of the future....as a matter of fact I am dreaming now, as I have of having a child with Nikki, our first child....

In this scene, I am heavily pregnant, sitting at the window of the bedroom I share with Nikki, we are married...and the baby, is restless it seems as am I.... I rub my large swollen stomach fondly though I am uncomfortable, I think maybe Nikki is bringing me snacks. But I decide to speak to my baby...my little girl...

"Hey in there sweetheart...I know you are restless so am I...but I do know daddy and I can't wait to meet you, our little Rain....you know the day of my appointment when I was far enough along to find out what you were....it was raining that day, just like it is now....i love rain, I do...watching it fall....so that's part of why I wanted to name you Rain. I've wanted you so badly sweetheart ever since the last year or so...but daddy, daddy was right...about you, about us. It's been more than worth the wait. I can't tell you how much I love you...and I love daddy." Tears spill down my cheeks, me feeling emotional...my daughter kicks at my hands.

"Steven? Babe...what's wrong?" Nikki, who sets down my snacks his green eyes filled with concern.

"Just restless, so is our daughter....and its raining...I love the rain...OUR Rain...Rain Iris Sixx.... I've wanted to be a mother so damn bad; you were right...you were right." Gently Nikki strokes my face with one hand, the other is on my swollen belly.

"Steven, I love you and our daughter...never doubt that, and I know how much you've wanted to be a mother, and here we are, it's not too much longer and she'll be here. It's been more than worth the wait, more than worth it. What we've been thru to get here, I mean look at how far we've come in our love, our sobriety, our lives....and I know baby, you've been restless, uncomfortable...I am here to take care of you...take care of our daughter...it's because of you baby, it's YOU...your way, your love...OUR love." Nikki gently kisses me and then his hands join with mine over my stomach, both of us with tears in our eyes but smiles as our daughter kicks away----

I find myself waking up, very much disoriented...and in tears...that dream? Or was it a dream? It felt real...so real. Currently, we are on a bus headed to our next venue...and we've reached the halfway point of the Dr. Feelgood tour...the shows have been killer, amazing.... thru it all I have and have had my fiancée; I don't know what I'd do with out him...and as for Guns? Yeah, they've already had their small tour for 'Lies' and although it was successful, they couldn't and wont touch us...but back to now, I sniffle quietly trying not to wake Nikki...we are curled up in our bunk together, as everyone else is otherwise occupied up front or something...I am not sure...

I just hate being depressed.... the longing for. A child of my own, mine and Nikki's.... I need him.... As if on cue, Nikki wakes and notices the state I am in and is of course worried, I look down feeling ashamed I guess.... sad...gently I feel Nikki tilt my chin up.

"Talk to me blue-eyes please."

I sigh heavily, "Nikki I just really hate feeling so sad here lately...it's not been fair to you, I feel like I am ruining things...and too I had a dream, the same dreams here lately of me being pregnant with our first child, our daughter." The tears start anew.

"Steven...if you hurt, I hurt...sure we've had arguments here and there, but we always work it out discuss things, lean on each other, like now....and hold on to those dreams, they are real...they will come true...I feel it in my bone's babe, I DO. Tell me about your dream, it may help you and then I will tell you about my dream." Nikki thumbs away my tears, me kissing his hands.

"Well..." I begin slowly, "I was heavily pregnant with our first child...our daughter, it was raining, I and our daughter both were restless, I told her how I loved rain and the day we found out about her— "I pause a moment as my voice cracks, clinging to my fiancée.

"Hey shh, I got you." Nikki smooths my hair back and I smile at him albeit it's watery before I continue...

"I told her that you were right Nikki, that it was worth the wait, and I told you...I told you the same and you did YOUR way, supporting me...making me feel better...and too, I called her...we called her Rain, Rain Iris Sixx." I whisper.

"I PROMISE you babe, that dream will come true...I promise...and I will always be there to make you feel better, make you smile, to lift you up....and Rain Iris Sixx huh? I love it, sounds like we have a name set for our future little girl. And, now let me tell you about my dream." Nikki smiles gently, me awed at the sight before he continues, "First I love you so much Steven...I mean halfway thru our biggest tour ever, and you kill it night after night...but my dream, I too dreamed of our little girl, our Rain Iris Sixx.... you'd just given birth, hair in a million directions but you'd NEVER looked more beautiful! She had a head full of hair, our hair...untamable...a dirty dark blond, she looked like us both...the things I felt in that moment in the dream, were unlike...I mean, it was magical...that this tiny precious human being...I had a hand in creating, I was a father...because of you, because of you babe. It felt....so damn real."

"Wow.... i am glad you told me Nikki.... we're having the same dreams or similar...it's really an amazing thing...extraordinary even, because hey we are extraordinary people, were fabulous!" I find myself grinning, Nikki following suit and looking awed at the sight.

"There's my Steven.... god, I cannot tell you how much I love your smile. It's like sunshine, it's perfect like you."

"Aw babe!" I feel myself blush heavily I may add, Nikki smirks slightly and I feel his lips on mine, me loving the feel...after we part for air, "I am surprised no one's come barging in here...you know how Vince can be, and too Liza and Oz are here visiting again. "I laugh.

"Hmm, too true babe...to true." Nikki snorts in amusement, while we continue to hold one another, me feeling content in where I am, with the man I love more than anything.

It's funny, or not how dreams come true or how powerful they can be. The halfway point of the first leg of 'Dr. Feelgood' really made the bond between Nikki and I stronger, our love stronger. And of course, we BOTH turned out to be right. And another funny thing, or maybe not really about that day Nikki and I...no one ever came back and disturbed us, I think they knew...they knew.

Coming up the end of the road...for the first leg of the tour, a tour that meant everything to me in so many ways, it would be hard to list them all. But I digress, the end of the first leg of the tour: epic, celebratory...the time of my life, there is nothing better than doing what you love with the ones you love and thru it all, having my then fiancée, now husband at my side.

A/N: The halfway point has been reached, deeper bonding between Steven and Nikki...and next chapter first of two parts, about the end of the first leg of the tour. Stay tuned!