My daughter's first birthday and Valentine's Day were PERFECT.... family moments, romantic ones...sweet and fire in private. Nikki is a beyond amazing as a partner/husband and especially as a father. A month has passed since then and it is now March, and I am working on or have been one of my greatest dreams: The founding of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Nikki of course has been my biggest supporter; he always has been, and I know he always will be. Zak Wylde was or is on board as a guitarist, and he's an incredible talent. Naturally, I play Violin and drums...but I had help with Zak auditioning musicians for an orchestra.... strings, horns etc. I've poured my heart and soul into this.... but I find I miss the guys.... which brings me to now: In bed with Nikki, cuddling we'd just put Rain to bed, and I sigh, finding tears spring to my eyes.
"Babe? What's wrong?" Nikki's tone is knowing.
I sigh shakily, "I am very happy...I am pursuing one of my greatest dreams.... I just miss the guys. It's just hard to get used to the four of us not doing band related things together."
"I know blue eyes...God I know, but I am so damn proud of you...and so are the guys. Things are really coming along with Trans-Siberian Orchestra, so exciting." My husband starts out serious, soothing me and then his tone gets more and more excited.
"That means a lot to me Nik......and before long we'll start rehearsals and stuff, I wanna see how everything meshes, and I've got stuff all ready for the albums I want to do. Allen has of course been a huge help in that department." I say in the same tone Nikki just used.
"Allen is awesome.... a bad ass with a heart of gold and balls of steel."
"He is." I agree tracing patterns on Nikki's chest. "So, what are you up to?" My tone sly.
"Why whatever do you mean Steven?" My husband replies in the same tone, playfully. His green irises filled with mirth. "Oh...yes my projects, well among other things the photography and the drawings and paintings, since you'd said I should share my love of art with the world AND I was thinking of working on a book...." Nikki trails off going from touched and excited to nervous and scared. I immediately cup his face in my hands and look at him seriously as I know EXACTLY what book he wants to work on. You know where this is headed but said book would not be published until Nikki formed Sixx AM... or I should say we formed Sixx AM with DJ Ashba and James Michael, who by the way were married then to each other and are still by the way married today, kids too of course.
"Nikki..." I begin slowly. "I know you are scared...I've read that diary you kept during 86-87....it breaks my heart baby; you don't have to do this if you don't really want to. But babe, think of how many people you may inspire to get clean by sharing your story it all its gory details. I went thru something similar...we both numbed our pain with drugs and booze because we felt those things 'loved' us, because we weren't enough for anyone.... used and very, very much abused. Nikki Sixx, I don't just say this as your husband and best friend...but I am proud of you, I am proud of the man...I mean that's always been there and of where you are now in life. I am proud to be by YOUR side. And baby I know better than anyone how difficult to share or relive that shit is." I finish in tears.
"Steven...oh Steven." Nikki sobs, the sound heart breaking as he clings to me burying his face in my chest, shaking. "I don't.... I... couldn't do this without you. ANY of it...I think...I will work on it...I need too, for myself and... you are right. My "Heroin Diaries"." Indeed, Nikki would work on the Heroin Diaries and there would be interviews, mine defiantly among them. What memories i had of Nikki during that blurred year and too I would share MY tale of drugs, battling my OWN addictions and pains...really it would become a collaborative writing with Nikki and Me, for I'd also kept a diary of my drug dazes...my close calls.
"We'll share our tales with the world...our children, will know there is no demon that they can't conquer or nothing they can't do." I declare earnestly still very much choked up.
"We could write our experiences together...combine them. I think we both need that." Nikki says as we share a look with one another and next thing I know, I feel his lips on mine...and I am lost...I taste our tears, our fears...
After a bit, we check on Rain...whom is still peacefully sleeping and head back to our bedroom once more and just talk and hold each other....
"I'd love to by the way write the 'Heroin Diaries' with you...I'd be honored.... but my husband...what ELSE are you up too?" I end teasing him.
"I was thinking of doing a photo shoot with Rain tomorrow, while you're working." Nikki's tone is tender speaking of our little girl.
"Oh, that sounds amazing!! And so much fun!" I gush.
"I've been wanting to do one for a while and it's a good way for me to bond with her." Nikki says in reply.
"You two already have a good bond, a strong one." I remind him gently.
"We do." Nikki agrees, Nikki is very much an amazing and devoted father to our little girl, but what he says next has me in tears again at how beautiful his words are, "But...you and her have a bond that is truly special, for 9 months you carried her...for 9 months she heard the sound of YOUR heart beat and you gave birth to her, I mean that's something I cant touch. The scared bond of mother and child."
"That was beautiful Nik." Very much moved by my husband's words.
"Because its you and the truth." Nikki says.
"I want to see the pictures babe." I remind him with a yawn.
A gentle hand on my face and I lean into my husband's touch.
"Oh, you will. Sleep Steven. And I will hold you in my arms...where you belong, where you will always be long, and I know will always be. Love you."
"Love you too Nikki." I murmur sleepily and drift off and of course I begin to dream....
The scene is one of Joy.... I am pregnant...and with it seems our second child...our second daughter. Nikki thrilled it seems we are having another girl. We'd just done a gender reveal with Rain, who is now cuddled up to my swollen belly feeling her little sister move...Nikki filming everything.
"Oooh, Feel sissy move! So happy have a sissy! I be good big sissy!"
"I have no doubt you will be a wonderful big sister." I tell her, smiling before turning to Nikki. "Babe? Come here, quit filming, and join our daughters." I tease, Nikki cuts off the camera and immediately joins Rain and I. Giving me a kiss, Rain one before his hands gently rub my swollen belly.
"See? I Listen Steven." Nikki quips playfully.
"Hmm...You DO." I tease before saying. "Another unique gender reveal, it was so special. We have our Frankie Nicole, our little pumpkin pie."
"Mommy.... daddy.... why call me jellybean and sissy punkin' pie?" Rain asks curiously.
"I came up with the idea when you were in mommy's tummy, to call you jellybean...I thought it was cute and it stuck. We call your sister pumpkin pie because mommy craves pumpkin pie like crazy." Nikki says fondly.
"But daddy...those sweets!" Rain remarks.
"They are sweets Rain...because you and your sister are our sweet little angels." I add to what Nikki has just said and Rain it seems accepts this explanation. WE just continue to spend time as family, happy.... perfectly happy and whole.
A/N: A glimpse of the future, projects being worked on and planned, humor and heart...stay tuned for Part 2, where we will see Nikki have a daddy-daughter photo shoot. And after part 2, there will be a time skip to Steven's first Trans-Siberian Orchestra show which I think I will make be right after thanksgiving.
YOU ARE READING
Betrayed by Your Guns & Betrayed by your Crϋe (A Steven Adler/Nikki Sixx story)
RomanceSummary: What if what you thought you knew about Guns 'n' Roses and Motley Crϋe Changed, that the story was different? What if Steven Adler is lied to or Coerced into Rehab and is fired from his band and ends up becoming the drummer for Motley Crϋe...
