— Kim gave up. He's been hurting both of them for far too long. Chay won't forgive him. He has to accept that. But before he disappears he'll do one more thing, he sticks 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 note on Chay's door —
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Kim feels so pathetic. Fucking loser... that's what he is! So it all came to this, huh? Kim standing in front of Chay's door in the middle of the night so no one can see him while he is sticking on the door a note that says: 𝙄 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪.
Coward!
But he can't. He can't bring himself to face Chay again. To look into his eyes and see nothing but pain and anger... and yet still remember how it was when those eyes were shining brightly for him. Only for him. Kim tried. He tried everything he could to make Chay listen, to somehow magically get Chay's forgiveness maybe even a second chance but, it all always ended up in ashes and even more pain. Kim can't go on like this. He can't keep seeing Chay in pain every time he approaches him in hopes of making everything alright again. He can't continue living on this rollercoaster of pain and torture. It's driving him mad every time he sees nothing but rejection on Chay's beautiful face. He is only torturing both of them. He is torturing his only love. He can't do that anymore.
He sticks the note on the door and leaves. Leaves before he can break and knock on Chay's door, begging him one more time. This is the last time Kim will ever contact Chay and the first time he openly says to Chay that he loves him too.
Loving Chay.
𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪
The only three words that Kim could never bring himself to tell Chay. He doesn't know why. And he hates that! He hates that he is such a coward that he cannot bring himself to say three simple words to the person who means the most to him.
But it's over.
It's all over, now he at least wrote it. His last words to Chay are and always will be 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪.
☆☆☆☆☆
Kim barely slept. His suitcase is packed. He hopes that leaving Thailand for a couple of months will make his pain of letting Chay go, disappear faster. Deep in his heart, he knows that it's bullshit! He knows that the pain will never disappear but he has to hope.
𝙃𝙤𝙥𝙚
What even is hope?
He lost even that last night.
Kim's phone vibrates on a table. Glancing at it he doesn't read the text until he realises...
𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡
The text is from Porchay. Kim grabs his phone so fast that it almost falls out of his hands. Taking a deep breath, he lets his eyes fall on the text.
𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣'𝙩 𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙢𝙚?
Before he can even realise the meaning behind those words, his phone vibrates again and another text appears in front of his eyes.
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙪𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧!
What? Chay is here? At Kim's apartment? Kim's heart pounds so fast inside his ribcage that he thinks it might break it soon. He throws his phone somewhere on the sofa and walks up to his door.
Pain.
The first thing he feels when he opens the door. But not from the way Chay looks at him but from Chay's fist. Kim's head is thrown to the back by the force causing him to stumble a little away from the door. The sharp pain spreads like wildfire all over Kim's face. Pressing his hand on his jaw, Kim looks at Chay. "Chay—"
"What's your fucking problem, Kimhan?" Chay asks, his voice louder than Kim ever heard it. "You know what I don't fucking get? Why? Why it took you so long? I asked you, didn't I? I asked you if you ever loved me... why couldn't you just say it?! Why did you have to fucking tear me apart when you feel the same? Are you a masochist? Do you love torture, is that it?" Chay closes his eyes, running his hand through his hair, he is trying to get his breath under control.
Kim loves him.
Kim loves him.
God, Chay is so angry!
God, Chay is so happy!
He wants to beat the shit out of Kim.
He wants to kiss every bruise he would leave on Kim's body.
"Chay," Kim says quietly, carefully as if afraid that Chay might hit him again, he steps closer. "I wanted to protect you."
"Stop! Stop with the same shit over and over again!" Chay snaps. "On that day when I asked you if you ever loved me... all I needed was the truth. You think I'm fucking dumb? You think I'm a child? Do you see me as a child who can't make his own decision?" Chay grabs Kim's chin, forcing Kim to keep their eye contact. "I can make my own decisions," Chay's voice dropped low.
There's no yelling anymore. The room is quiet, so quiet that Kim can feel his frantic heartbeat and he is afraid that he isn't the only one.
"You know what is my decision right now, phi? I'm going to kiss you... because I want to... because I need you... because I fucking forgave you a long time ago and because you are never again leaving me!"
Chay brushes his thumb over Kim's bottom lip, the sensation of it combined with Chay's words is making Kim's head spin. He can't believe this is happening. Fuck, Kim will do anything that Chay asks him to do. Whatever Chay wants, however he wants it, Kim will do it... anything... anything...
"P'Kim," Chay leans closer, his breath, tickling Kim's lips, "kiss me!"
Kim isn't sure whether he cursed out loud or only in his head, the only thing he knows is that one of his hands is gripping Chay's nape while the other is tangled in Chay's soft hair. He is kissing Chay roughly, desperately, saving every single one of Chay's moans in his memory forever. Shoving his tongue into Chay's mouth, he lets out a guttural groan, as his tongue glides over Chay's for the first time. Fuck he loves this, he loves this. Kim is never going to give up on this. No one can ever take this away from him! He'll kill a thousand times if he has to! But no one is taking this away from him!
"Fuck," he breathes out, caressing Chay's cheek. "I love you, angel. I love you. You believe me, you believe me, right?"
Chay's eyes are hazed with the heat of their first kiss, his lips glistening with saliva, cheeks a little rosy... the most beautiful boy Kim has ever seen, his boy.
"If I didn't believe you I wouldn't be here, p'Kim," Chay whispers.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for hurting you, Chay. For hurting us..."
A soft smile spreads on Chay's lips. He traces his fingers over Kim's cheek and jaw, "it's okay, that punch was my revenge."
