— Kim lets himself get lost under Chay's burning touch, melt under Chay's hot lips, and drown in the pleasure of Chay's body all over him —
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Kim knows exactly when it is one of those days for him. The day when he thinks—no—he knows that he is a failure. Worst than a failure. He is useless. Unwanted. A burden.
Those days start already in his sleep. There, he has a nightmare. He can feel it's sharp claws viciously ripping off parts of his flesh. And Kim thinks—he deserves this pain. He does. He wishes that he could say it's just a nightmare. It's not a real life. It never happened. But it did. His nightmare did happen.
He still remembers the echo of Chay's voice asking "have you ever loved me?" With pain and hope in his beautiful eyes. And he still remembers the agony with which he forced himself to leave. He does have Chay—his greatest love—back with him now. But the nightmare is still the same. Mocking him for what he had done.
And then he wakes up. And his entire body aches as if those claws in his nightmare were real and his body was missing pieces of flesh, lying there early in the morning, wrapped in silky sheets and Chay's strong arms.
But when it's one of those days, Kim doesn't want to move. He doesn't even want to breathe. It feels like too much. It feels like that's too much energy to spare for such a mundane thing. But for Chay, even on days like this, Kim acts like he is good. Maybe a little tired but good. Chay doesn't need to worry, he has university after all. He should just go. And Chay does. But there's always this voice at the back of his mind nagging at him that Chay knows... that Chay knows him so well, maybe even more than Kim knows himself, that he knows how Kim is feeling. That he knows Kim doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to move. He doesn't want to laugh. Doesn't want to eat. Or even talk. That he rather stays in bed where Chay's smell is always present. Where it lingers on his skin and Kim can pretend that Chay didn't move from him the whole day.
Kim knows he doesn't deserve Chay and yet, that's the only thing he will never give up on. They can take everything from him, but not his his his Chay!
Chay has been gone for five hours. He should be back from university any minute. But Kim is still lying in the middle of their bed where he curled up the moment the door behind Chay closed in the morning. He is holding Chay's pillow close to his body, nose buried in it, when he hears the clicking of the door and Chay's light steps approaching their bedroom.
"Phi?" Chay calls after him.
Kim doesn't move a muscle. Chay is back. That's all he wanted. Now he can let himself let loose in Chay's arms and forget about everything else.
"Baby," Chay's voice is now right next to him, and then he can feel Chay's calloused fingers brushing away his hair to press a kiss on his cheek. "One of these days—just like I thought," Chay mumbles. "What do you need, baby? Hmm? Tell me."
"You," Kim simply replies.
"Cuddles or sex?" It's so nice when Chay gives him options. It's easier to choose. "Both."
Chay chuckles but doesn't say anything. All Kim can feel is Chay getting out of bed and then he hears the unfastening of a belt and Chay's clothes hitting the floor. After that, it's mostly foggy in his mind. But in a good way. He loves to let Chay prepare him for as long as he wants to, kiss and bite him where he wants to. During that, Kim lets his mind shut and enjoys the touches only by his body. It's only after Chay wraps his fingers around his chin and makes him look into Chay's beautiful eyes that Kim is back fully alert of his surroundings.
"Are you with me, baby?"
Kim nods, "here and present."
Chay huffs a quick laugh, "sweet baby. Everything's okay? Can we continue?"
"Please," Kim wraps his arms around Chay's neck and kisses his jawline.
Chay is hovering over him, their pre-cum leaking cocks are rubbing over each other, "how do you want me, baby? Is this okay?" Chay's voice is soft and caring, but Kim can hear how breathless Chay sounds, how he wants Kim as much as Kim wants him. And it's things like this that make Kim feel better, make his evil thoughts disappear. At least for a while. He wets his lips and shakes his head, "I want to ride you."
Chay nods. Eyes dark and hungry. He wraps his arms around Kim's thighs and pulls him up. Making sure Kim is comfortable on his lap before letting go of his thighs and cupping Kim's ass instead. "Do you know how pretty you look when you ride me, baby?" Chay starts nibbling on Kim's neck, hands spreading open Kim's ass cheeks.
Kim moans, hand reaching for Chay's throbbing cock, giving it a couple of strokes, "y-you said that already."
"Well, I'm gonna say it again because it's true." Chay gives a gentle slap to Kim's ass and looks right into his eyes, "when you are ready, baby." And Kim is. He's been ready since morning. He is always ready for Chay. For falling apart in Chay's arms. On Chay's cock It all feels so good. Kim bites his bottom lip and while still looking into Chay's eyes, he takes Chay in. Slowly he sinks down and as they both moan at the feeling of being one, Kim pulls up and then goes back down. Chay pulls him into a deep messy kiss, kissing him until their breaths run out. Kim finds his rhythm quickly. Being filled up with Chay's cock is almost as natural as breathing. He loves every second of it. Chay's lips find Kim's neck again. And Kim whimpers when Chay bites him enough to lick off some blood and then looks up at him, "is this okay, baby?"
"Yeah, fuck yeah," Kim moans, pressing Chay's head back to his neck. Goosebumps cover his body when he hears Chay's laugh and then feels his warm wet tongue, licking all over his neck. Kim feels alive again. Chay loves him. He deserves to be happy with Chay. He isn't a failure. He isn't useless. He isn't a burden. He is a broken boy, but his broken shreds are being taken care of as if they are the most precious treasure.
