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There's something devastatingly overwhelming in the way Chay holds Kim's hand; fingers filling up every inch of the empty space between Kim's own, palms pressed achingly close, thumb gently caressing the back of Kim's hand.
And Kim loves it. He is relishing in it. The way Chay holds onto his hand for hours on end and still whines and protests whenever he has to let go... it sometimes makes Kim think really ridiculous thoughts.
He thought about glueing them together multiple times. Like... really REALLY glueing, but of course, he knows that it's a pretty stupid idea. He also thought about doing it like their brothers... but walking around with handcuffs wouldn't be very convenient either. So, Kim just does his best; lets Chay hold his hand whenever there is a chance for it and lets himself enjoy every moment.
Kim is pretty selfish, he really is. He keeps pretending that he is doing Chay a favour by always letting Chay hold his hand, but the truth is that it is the other way around. Sometimes, when Chay can't be with him when they have to sleep away from each other, Kim holds his own hand, pretending it's Chay. Yeah, Kim has it extremely bad. And to be honest, it doesn't even work. Chay's hand is gentler, fingers longer and thinner. Chay's hand feels better. It just does. Kim might be obsessed with Chay's hands, but... he is obsessed with every inch of Chay anyway.
Kim particularly likes dates like this, when they just walk around, hand in hand, and talk. He likes that he gets to hold Chay's hand for hours without stopping. And he knows that Chay likes it, too. They are in the garden behind the Theerapanyakul mansion. They have been walking around the mansion and now garden for quite a while. Kim just thought that it was the time to show Chay every nook and cranny of the place he once called home. Kim grew up here after all. And Chay lives here now. It makes sense that Kim wants Chay to know everything about this place.
And Chay seems to be genuinely interested. He keeps nodding, smiling, or frowning, depending on what Kim just told or showed him, and he keeps asking questions. And it's almost insane how seen Kim feels with Chay. How understood and loved he feels. Kim can only hope that Chay feels the same way when he is with him.
"I loved to hide here a lot," Kim says as they walk all the way to the back of the garden. There's a big old tree and a couple of flat stones, forming something that vaguely looks like a stone sofa. "I used to sit here and hope that my father wouldn't look for me."
Chay looks at the stones and then at Kim, "is this supposed to be a sofa?"
Kim chuckles, "it looks like it, doesn't it? I used to tell myself that maybe this was made just for me, so that I could sit here comfortably for hours."
"Comfortably," Chay cocks his eyebrow, "on stones?"
Kim shrugs, "I went through intense mafia training. Sitting on a stone sofa is nothing to me. Wanna sit in my living room, angel?"
Chay smiles, "it would be my pleasure, baby."
Kim sits down, still holding Chay's hand, Kim pulls Chay on his lap.
"I don't get to sit on the stone sofa?" Chay giggles.
"No," Kim shakes his head, all serious. "You get to be comfortable."
Chay smiles, pressing a quick kiss on Kim's lips, "I love you."
"Love you with all my heart, angel," Kim whispers, his free hand gently stroking Chay's cheek. "And I love holding your hand."
Chay bites his bottom lip, looking down at their joined hands, "I love it, too. Touching you in any way... yeah... I love that."
Sometimes, Kim has this urge to hide Chay from the entire world. He wants to have Chay only for himself. It's not fair that others get to look at him, that a soft breeze gets to kiss his cheeks, that the sun gets to touch his skin. Kim should be the only one with that privilege. Yes, he knows how ridiculous that sounds. And he knows it's stupid, but he can't help himself, especially when Chay is like that, so beautiful and so adorable in his arms. Kim just wants to press Chay as close as possible to his body and rather die than let go. He let go once, and it was the worst pain possible.
"Angel..."
"Hmm?"
"Never let go of my hand, okay? Can you promise me that? No matter what, you'll never let go."
Chay squeezes Kim's hand and leans in, lips ghosting over Kim's parted ones, "I won't. Ever."
There's a silence for a moment, and then Chay frowns, "wait... metaphorically, right?"
Kim huffs a laugh, "as much as I would love to mean it literally, that's quite impossible."
Chay shrugs, "with you, no one knows."
"Hey!" Kim gasps and playfully bites Chay's neck.
Chay laughs, "it's the truth, baby. We both know you can't breathe without me."
"You can't breathe without me either," Kim mumbles into the crook of Chay's neck and traces his lips along Chay's jawline, all the way to his lips, "or can you, angel?"
"No," Chay softly breathes out, letting their lips melt together.
They kiss just the same way they hold hands; for hours, like they never want to let go, never want to stop. They kiss deeply and then gently, lips barely touching. They kiss passionately, letting out moan after moan. They kiss lazily too tired of moving their lips but unwilling to stop. They kiss playfully, smiling and giggling in between. They kiss and kiss and kiss. And their fingers are still intertwined. Just like their lives are... Forever.
