— after the doctors do a medical checkup on Chay after the kidnapping Kim decides to talk —
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Kim's heart is racing at least a hundred miles per hour. It feels like it's going to break open his ribcage and fall out, right in front of Chay, to step on it, to crush it into dust, it doesn't matter... it belongs to Chay anyway.
Kim's heart never acted up like this during anything related to his mafia life. This wasn't his first rodeo, it wasn't his first time dealing with fuckers like that, and especially not with his fucking cousin who couldn't mind his own damn business. And yet, this time everything was completely different. This involved Chay. His Chay. At first, Kim had this whole plan of using this little innocent boy for information and then letting him go. Then it changed to letting him go because Kim wasn't sure Chay would be safe with him.
But now... now everything is different. Seeing Chay unconscious, down on the dirty ground, so small, so helpless... something primal, animalistic even woke up in Kim... and he knows, he knows that he will kill the entire world before he will let anyone touch his Chay again! No, no one is touching his little boy anymore! He is going to talk to Chay, he'll explain everything and he'll make sure that Chay will understand, and that he'll know how much Kim loves him, and together... together they will be perfect. Together they will be safe.
Slowly, Kim approaches the ambulance. Chay looks fine. They are not doing anything with him anymore so Kim assumes and thanks all the gods that his boy is safe.
"Chay... are you hurt?"
Chay looks at him, the usual spark is gone. "You lied to me, phi. Everyone lied to me."
"Chay," Kim reaches for Chay's hand but suddenly he is too afraid to touch it, so his hand just stays awkwardly hanging in the air. "Chay... if you let me, I tell you everything. I'll explain everything, everything you want just please let me take you home. Come with me, please." Kim is fully aware that he is begging now. But he doesn't care. He'd go down on his knees and beg if necessary. He'd do it all for his Chay. Even the impossible.
Chay snaps his head up, hearing steps—it's Porsche and Kinn, and Chay is suddenly standing up and taking Kim's hand, "I don't want to talk to hia now. Take me away."
And Kim is more than happy to do that. He quickly pulls Chay to his car and drives away. When they are far enough, he asks, "is it okay if I take you to my place?"
Chay nods, "doesn't matter where. Just away, please."
Kim's heart swells—Chay trusts him so much, even after all that happened, he still trusts him. Suddenly, a cold fear creeps up Kim's spine—what if Chay will never forgive him? What if he would want to go far away from him just like he wanted to go now—far away from Porsche? Kim can't allow this, he just can't. But he also can't lie to Chay anymore. It's killing him.
☆☆☆☆☆
Chay turns around and looks at Kim with so much sadness in his eyes, right when they get into Kim's apartment. He doesn't even let Kim take him to the living room. They are just standing there in the hall and Chay slowly takes a deep breath, tipping his chin up, "okay, phi... go on, tell me all the ways you lied to me. Just say it. It doesn't really matter... I only need to know if this," Chay points between them, "if we were ever real. Everything else... I can... I can understand because I love you... but if this... if we...
"I have never lied about my feelings for you, Porchay," Kim says, and he swears that he tries his best for his voice to not crack, not tremble, but it does. And he has to try his best to hold in the tears which are threatening to fall. He can't cry now. "The only reason why I didn't say I love you back was not because I don't love you... it's because if I said it out loud it would become too real. And tell me Chay, how could I allow myself to have you when all I fed you was a lie? You are so pure and so perfect but me? Rotten apple...nothing more. But you know what? I can't... I can't let anyone ever touch you again. I'm not going to! You want to hear all the lies? I'll tell you all the lies. ... I did all of that. But the only truth is, Chay... that I love you... desperately."
"Were you planning to tell me all of this, ever?" Chay asks, his voice strong, stronger than Kim's could ever be in a situation like this, and Kim loves him for it even more.
Kim ducks his head, "I thought about... writing you a letter someday."
"Phi," Chay half laughs, half sighs.
And Kim has to look up at Chay because Chay is laughing? He isn't mad? He doesn't want to leave? He is still here, right next to Kim? Actually, he gets even closer... Kim is watching as Chay sits next to him. Oh, that's right, sometime during their conversation they got to the sofa... Kim didn't even realize. But Chay is now sitting next to him. He is so close. And he is looking at him. And the spark is back. And Kim is happy. And Kim is in love. Love. Love. Love.
"So, you love me?"
"More than anything."
"Will you kiss me, then?"
Suddenly, Kim doesn't know what to do. His body is frozen. His mind doesn't comprehend words anymore. He wants to kiss Chay so badly... so why is he so afraid to do it? Maybe he knows. Maybe it's because he knows that once he gets to taste Chay, he'll never let him go. And maybe that scares Kim more than anything.
"Can you kiss me first?" Kim whispers pathetically. And Chay smiles. And it's big and bright, and perfect. And then Kim is in Chay's arms, and Chay's lips on his are the closest to heaven Kim will ever be. And he knows right then and there that the Hell itself will cease to exist before he will let Chay out of his arms ever again.
