Lie To Me

Lie To Me-Chapter 166

By the time I got to Ed's floor I was running, my heart beating out of my chest, a mantra of prayers playing over and over in my head.

Please be here. Please be here. Please be here.

My fingers fumbled with the keys as I attempted to unlock the door, my hands shaking with...nerves? Excitement? I didn't know which. All I knew was that this was it. This was my chance to make everything alright. To fix all that I'd done wrong...

"Harry?" I called out into the growing darkness of Ed's condo. "Harry?"

I heard the soft strumming of a guitar and paused, listening for the source, but it seemed to be surrounding me, coming from every angle.

A light from a bookcase near the window caught my eye, just as Ed's soulful voice filled the air.

His stereo...

"You're not her. Though I try to see you differently. I tow the line. You see, I'm searching for what used to be...mine.

And I saw your eyes, and I saw Alice staring back at me. So I will try to find another one who suits me as well as her."

Stepping further into the room, I flicked on a light by the side of the couch, the gentle words of the song calling out to me...sad, broken, lost.

"I've moved far away from you, and I want to see you here, beside me dear, but things aren't clear...

We never even tried. We never even talked. We never even thought in the long run. Whenever it was painful, whenever I was away, I'd miss you... And I miss you."

Standing motionless, the tears from my already overloaded emotions pushed to the surface, blurring my vision. Why would Harry put this on? Why this song? Why...?

And then I saw it. A small folded paper sitting in a decorative bowl on the coffee table, my name written across the exposed side. In Harry's handwriting.

Making my way around, I sat down across from it, tentatively reaching toward what were most likely Harry's parting words. I took a deep breath as my fingers grazed the edges.

"She was mine. I was hers and all that's in between. If she would cry, I would shelter her and keep her from the darkness that would be.

If I moved far away from you, and I want to see you here, beside me dear, but things aren't clear.

We never even tried. We never even talked. We never even thought in the long run. Whenever it was painful, whenever I was away, I'd miss you. And I miss you."

With trembling fingertips, and tear-spotted cheeks, I unfolded the page. Harry's lines staring back at me...

Dearest Riley,

I'm not really sure what to say in this, but I didn't want to leave here without saying anything at all. I love you. Above all else, that's what I want you to know. That's what I want you to remember.

But, I'm also sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did. I'm sorry for all that I did not do. So, for once I am going to listen. To you, to my sister, to everyone. I'm going to stop trying to force this to go my way, and finally give you what you want...my absence.

I'm leaving. As much as I don't want to, as much as it kills me to do so, I'm beginning to see that it's for the best. For both of us. The album is almost done, the tour will be starting shortly after it's released, and we'll all be gone for a while performing and special events to promote everything.

It will be a long time before I'm in London again, so you won't have to worry about me being here, me being around. You'll be free to do whatever you'd like; look for a job, visit with friends, even stop by the house and see Max. I know he misses you terribly. That reminds me... Please keep your key. In case you need a different place to stay, a place to call your own, I want you to know that you are always welcome there.

And, I promise not to bother you. I won't call, I won't text. I will do my best to give you the space you want. It'll probably be the hardest thing I've ever done, so please forgive any selfish slip-ups on my part. It's just hard to walk away from this...from you.

You're all I ever want in this world, Riley. And I would give up everything else for just one more perfect moment with you. I just don't think that's possible anymore. All I seem to do anymore is cause you pain, and that's the last thing I want.

I want to see you smile again. I want to see you happy. And if that's more likely to happen without me, then so be it.

But, I will miss you. I already do. I miss the happy, bright-eyed woman I fell in love with. Somewhere along the way I lost her. I lost you, and I don't know what I did to so thoroughly destroy what we had. I mean, I guess I do know, I just don't know how to fix it.

Maybe one day you'll let me explain how this all happened, at least from my perspective. Maybe one day I'll get you to understand how I feel, how much this hurts me, how much it hurts to see the pain in your eyes...pain I caused.

But, there is something I need you to know, even if you won't believe it. There is, and never was anything between Bree and I. Up until today, I hadn't even heard from her since she called to confirm the delivery of her things back in LA. The only reason I had kept her number in my phone, aside from the fact that I never clear it out, was as a warning. It was a way to let me know not to answer when that number came up in my phone. That's all. But nothing, absolutely nothing has or is happening between us. Aside from that one kiss, the biggest mistake of my life, there has been nothing. Please believe this, as it kills me to imagine what's been going through your head this whole time.

I love you, Riley. I've always loved you. It's always been you, and it will always be you. But, I guess I just needed to learn that maybe that's not enough. Maybe I'm just not enough. And I understand that you don't feel the same way, that you don't love me the way I love you. From this point on, I promise you I am going to respect that. I promise. No more pushing, no more chasing. I am going to let you be.

I love you, and I hope that one day we will be able to come together again. If in no other way, then at least as friends. Because the world looks a whole lot colder without my best friend by my side.

With hope and love I remain yours,

H

"Don't drop me in, it's not my turn. If you cut deep then I might learn that you'd scar and leave me, like a sunburn.

Don't drop me in, it's not my turn. If you cut deep then I might learn that you'd scar and leave me, like a sunburn.

We never even tried. We never even talked. We never even thought in the long run. Whenever it was painful, whenever I was away, I'd miss you. And I miss you..."

After a moment of unbearable silence, the track began again, playing on repeat, the lyrics a perfect pairing to the pain, longing, and resigned torture in Harry's words.

My heart shattered as I read his words again, and again. The sadness, self-loathing, resignation... It was all my doing. It was all my fault. All this time is been holding onto the belief that our relationship was doomed, that I simply wasn't enough for him. And in doing so, I'd accomplished the one thing I'd never ever wanted to do.

I'd made Harry feel like he wasn't enough for me...