Three's Company

97

Nuri

Me: Hey...come in.
Lasha: Hey.
Me: Thanks for coming over.
Lasha: No problem.

I sent Lasha an Instagram DM asking if we could talk. She agreed that we needed to. When she walked into the house, everything that I'd felt over the past three weeks was confirmed. It had been three weeks since the party and two weeks since I'd told Devin. I thought if I put it off, I could shake it. I was wrong. If anything, it felt stronger.

I was scared. Scared of making the wrong decision. Scared of losing Devin. Scared of hurting him. Scared of getting hurt. It seemed too young for me to be making what felt like a major life decision. But here I was. Everything I'd known about myself was in question.

Me: You want some water or tea or something? We have soda too and Prime drinks.

Lasha: Water is cool.

Lasha followed me into the den and I told her to have a seat while I grabbed a couple drinks. She looked good. She had on ripped skinny jeans and a white crop fitted crop top. She always wore low Dunks or high retro 1s. Today she had on teal/white dunks. Her hair was bone straight. She had a fresh set of nails and her lip gloss glistened with the reflection of the sun. She had on 3 gold chains. One with her volleyball number, a cross, and one with no pendant. She smelled good too. I recognized the scent. Winter Candy Apple from Bath & Body Works.

She's tall, slim. If there was a perfect female athletic body, hers was it. Being on the volleyball and track teams definitely did her good. She had muscular legs and a nice ass like she did squats. And not to sound super gay or misogynistic. But track and volleyball uniforms were the best...for obvious reasons. I couldn't believe this was where my thoughts were.

Every night, I laid in bed thinking about her, thinking about that night in Scottie's parents' cabin. I imagined having her strip naked and lay on one of the massage tables that were in the room, and rubbing her body down with a scented oil. Kissing every spot that I touched. I wanted to taste her.

When I kissed Devin, I thought of her. When he touched me I thought of her. When he asked me that the first time, I think I tried to block it out. I wondered if I kissed her again, would I think of him? Maybe I wouldn't love it the second time and then things would be back the way they were. Maybe then we could go on with our lives. She deserved a girl who actually likes girls.

I thought about what people at school would think if me and Devin broke up and I started dating her. The people who were in the pool house and knew we kissed. I imagined his friends on the football and basketball team would give him a hard time from getting his girl taken by another girl. I shouldn't care about what others thought. But high school is tough. There was so much. My mind raced.

My heart beat fast as I closed the refrigerator door and walked around the bar to the couch where she sat. Should I sit on the other couch? I'm gonna sit on the other couch. I handed her the bottle of water and sat on the loveseat. She had sat on the sofa.

Lasha: Look...I feel bad for what happened that night. It was never my intention to come between you and Devin. You guys seem really happy.
Me: I know. I can't put all the blame on you though. I had a choice.
Lasha: I was scared to talk to you after it happened.
Me: You didn't have to be scared.
Lasha: Did you tell him?
Me: Yeah. I think umm...I think I wouldn't have if...you weren't constantly on my mind.
Lasha: Wait...
Me: If it was just the game, you know. The kiss happened. And it was just that, I would've just left it at that.
Lasha: I thought you didn't talk to me after cuz you were disgusted or ashamed.
Me: Not at all. I was confused.
Lasha: Do you...like girls?
Me: I didn't. Not before that happened.
Lasha: Damn.
Me: I don't have anything against gay people. My little sister identifies as gay. Shit. Sorry. That came off very "I have a black friend" vibes. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying. I'm not homophobic or anything. My mom is bi. Maybe I was bound to be queer.
Lasha: *laughs* You sound crazy.
Me: I mean...I'm kidding. But I am trying to figure out what the fuck I am. You know, what the fuck I want. I love Devin.
Lasha: But...
Me: I haven't stopped thinking about you.
Lasha: I told you I've had a crush on you since last year. And it's dumb because I knew you had a boyfriend.
Me: Yeah...shit is all messed up.
Lasha: I wish I could take it back.
Me: No you don't. And neither do I...
Lasha: I mean...I wish the circumstances were different.
Me: Yeah...me too.
Lasha: If they were, I woulda asked you to be my girlfriend that night.
Me: I probably would've said yes.
Lasha: Where do we go from here?
Me: I honestly don't know. I thought I could shake it. That's what took me so long to talk to you. I thought maybe if I just avoided it, that things would go back to normal.
Lasha: I'm sorry.
Me: Don't apologize.
Lasha: That night just made my crush stronger. Maybe the bottle should've landed on Wingo.
Me: Girl, I wouldn't have kissed him. I might didn't know I liked girls. But I definitely don't like white boys. Nothing against them but Black is definitely my type.
Lasha: So Devin is cool with you doing whatever this is...?
Me: Yeah...he just wants me to be happy.
Lasha: He really does seem like a good dude.
Me: I don't want to hurt him.
Lasha: So I guess my question is what do you hope the result of this conversation is?
Me: I was hoping for clarity. But I feel more torn than ever.
Lasha: How can I help?
Me: Shit...it's too late. It would've helped if you weren't so fine. And if you weren't such a good kisser. You shoulda showed up busted and musty today, to be honest.
Lasha: Ah nah! You ain't never seen me be either of those!
Me: But it never hit me like it does now. It's your fault for having a crush on me.
Lasha: I can't help it! Look at you.
Me: That's what got us into this!
Lasha: I mean...you want me to lie?
Me: I don't know what to do, Lasha damn.
Lasha: I won't feel good about it. But I can help you choose.
Me: Stoppppp.