Insanity (Grayson Dolan FANFIC)

Sixty four

Aaliyah's POV

I was panicking. Grayson was on his way back home to LA, to me. I didn't know when he was getting back, but he's coming. I didn't know how to feel, i was getting mixed emotions. One side of me really wanted him to be next to me holding me, and the other completely wanted him to get away from me. Sigh.

I'm clearly still angry about what he did, no doubt - I mean, wouldn't you be as well if you were in my situation?

To clear my thoughts, i decided to go for a walk down to a river bank that Grayson and i occasionally love to chill by. It was one of our favourite spots and it was definitely our spot. This place was the first place Grayson and i confessed our feelings for each other, so the river bank has a special place in my heart.

I breathed in the fresh air and listened to the flowing water around me. My feet crushing the leaves below me and the birds chirping as they flew around the tall trees. I really wish my thoughts were as relaxed as my body right now, then it would have been perfect.

As i was sitting by the water, i decided to check my phone. I had missed calls and texts from Amy, Ethan, my mom and Grayson. My teeth just continually biting on the inside of my cheek as i pressed to check Grayson's notifications. I exhale a breath i didn't know i was holding as i read the missed texts, and then going back to checking everyone else's messages.

"You're not ignoring me are you," a familiar voice, one that i love, said. I turn my head around to see Grayson leaning against a tree with his arms crossed, smiling at me. My pupils expanded at the sight of the person in front of me right now. He was here, with me.

"Don't stare too much, your eyes will pop out of the socket," he says trying to end the awkward silence. He sat down fairly close to me on the grass. I try my best not to smile back at him as i look at the ground, then back at the water. He lets out a sigh before looking at me.

"You know you're so beautiful Aaliyah," he says. My heart wanted to melt but it was still ice cold from being broken.

"I use to, but now i'm not so sure," i said shrugging my shoulders. I could see his jaw clenching from the corner of my eye. I didn't want to immediately jump back into his arms and forgive him. I couldn't do that to myself either.

"Hey don't say that. You're the most beautiful girl i know, inside and out. I love you," he says looking down at the ground.

"You don't make me feel like i'm beautiful anymore, Grayson. Honestly, truly, it breaks my heart to ever say something like that, especially to someone who was important to me like you." Our eyes make contact as we both look in each other's direction, his eyes turning red and glossy. He positions himself to sit facing me and grabs my hand in his. He kisses the back of my hand still looking at me.

"I'm an idiot. I know i don't deserve you. You don't deserve to be with a jerk like me. You deserve the world and someone who can give it to you," he says.

"If you think i deserve the world, then why don't you give it to me. Grayson i don't think you understand but my life revolves around you. Everything i do now just reminds me of you and i hate it because i wish it was just as easy as erasing you from my memory, but i can't. You were my boyfriend, as well as my best friend and i can't thank you enough for making me the happiest i have ever been, but i hate you for making me feel down at my worst.." i reply, with tears slowly dripping down my face looking at the boy i still love.

He takes his thumb and wipes away the fallen droplets. Who would've thought a soft boy like him could ever break my heart? It's my fault anyway, right? I allowed him to come into my life, and take over. He came into my life and he broke down the walls i tried so hard to keep up, and he got to me. But is it so bad that i'm so happy that it was him, as if i would only allow him to break my heart and no one else?

"You're right.. Since i know i can't give you everything you deserve, this is the reason why i came to LA to see you," he says. My forehead cringes as i look at him confused, his hand still holding mine.

"I know that i won't be able to win you back this time and i don't blame you. I came to tell you everything i think and love about you over the course of almost 3 years we have been together. You probably don't want to even be here with me, but i'll make this quick as much as i don't want to.. I love you so much Aaliyah, you are everything to me even though you most likely don't see it. Thank you for staying by my side for this long, you're the only person who has ever really stayed in my life after all my stupid mistakes and i don't really know why. It will fucking kill me to see you with another guy one day and i know i'm going to hate it, i'm going to hate him and i'm going to be jealous and over protective of someone who's not mine anymore. As long as you're happy though, it's okay with me no matter how much i wish it was me. To the next guy who has you, he better treat you like the fucking princess- no the Queen that you are, no more no less. I love you and i will always, so i hope you take care of yourself and we see each other again.. I'm going to be in LA for the next 2 days before i go back on the road for tour. Be happy, and stay safe and healthy.. Well, it's time for me to get going now.. Goodbye Ally," he finishes as his tear drops onto his white shirt leaving a visible stain.

He leans in and kisses me on the forehead passionately and he begins to get up from his spot next to me. The warmth of his hand leaving mine.. it didn't feel right and my heart was shattering as we speak. My body felt cold with him next to me. He stood up on his feet and dusted off the leaves and dirt from his pants. He flashes me a half-hearted smile with his cute little dimple making an appearance.

He turns around and begins walking away ..