Marvel Preferences and Imagines (Taking Requests)

A letter

A/n: So I had this really good Idea. It's not exactly in story form but still has a narrative and whatnot. Hopefully, it turns out as good as I want it.

 Warning: Super sad...like really sad...

"Dear Natasha,

"I am writing this is confidence that you won't share it. But you probably already did. You were looking through my old room and you found this letter hidden away behind a few of my favorite books. I cannot express the guilt I am feeling in writing this letter to you. I guess I finally gave up on hope. Gave up on happiness. Gave up on him. You are probably asking who I am talking about, but that will be addressed father down. 

"I guess what I want to say it sorry. Sorry, it had to end like this. Sorry that I left you alone. Sorry that I went before you did. I always felt like the odd one out. I always felt like I was living up to your shadow. I guess I know how Loki felt. I was the shadow of your greatness. I wish I had been better. Maybe I could have been. 

"The boy I was talking about just happens to be your best friend. I thought maybe he would see me as me. I guess I was wrong. I wanted to have something special, you know? I wanted to have someone love me. I feel selfish for writing this, but I wanted what you had. You always seemed to have that special connection that I envied. I wanted to be you I guess. 

"Now that I am writing this down, I know that at some point it will get too much. The voices in my head tell me to just end it. To just stop my heart. I tried to fight it, I really did. It probably just got too much for me. The guilt and heartbreak of my daily life was something I had to deal with. Something I thought I could deal with on my own. I know its wrong but I didn't want to pass my demons on to someone that already had enough.

"Please give my suit to SHEILD. Agent Coulson knows what to do with it. Please don't mourn me. I was never deserving of attention. I don't deserve your sorrow. I only ask for you to make sure the boys move past this. Steve especially will take this hard. Tell him that it wasn't his fault that I couldn't make any longer than I did. Steve was always like a brother to me. He was there when I needed him the most. 

"I don't have a lot of regrets in leaving. I knew that at some point I would pop like a bubble. I was a ticking time bomb about to explode. My only regret is that I never turned out to be someone of importance. Ever since childhood I wanted to be a role model. I wanted to be the person that girls look up to. It's a shame I never was. They tell you to follow your dreams, but they don't how much dreams cost.

"I hope that you will remember all of the good times you thought we had. Every time I smiled, I wish I could say it was real. At night when no one was up, I would sob. I made sure that Tony soundproofed my room. The poor guy thought it was for other reasons. Remember when I wouldn't let you into my room until I had make-up on. That was because I didn't want you to see my red eyes and blotchy cheeks.   

"I'm sorry I gave up Natasha, but it was for the better. I hope you remember me.

"y/n" Natasha read to the group after your funeral. Everyone was in shock and had tears running down their face. Natasha sank to the floor and curled her knees up to her chest. She started to sob. No one could counsel her. She had lost you, her best friend, because you thought you lived in her shadow.