DISCLAIMER: these are all quotes from shows, I take no credit!
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Beca: Chloe? That's a pretty name
Chloe: you like that? You should hear my number
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Stacie: if I had a son, I'd teach him all about the vagina
Beca: if you had a son we'd call Social Services
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Theo: hey Beca, can I borrow your big pencil?
Fat Amy: they're not divorced, Theo! It's just a trial separation! And don't think I don't know what "borrow a pencil" means, ok?
Fat Amy: nobody, Nobody's ever borrowed more pencils than Fat Amy!
CR: he was just asking for a pencil
Fat Amy: I know what he was asking for! and if he asks again, I'll stab that big pencil through his heart! You hear me, Theo? Huh?
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Fat Amy: today is Bumper and my one-year anniversary
Chloe: oh, what's it the anniversary of? Your first date, your first kiss, first time you had sex?
Fat Amy: yes!
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Chloe: I want to get married, now
Tom: I have gym
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Chloe: I have pepperoni in my bra
Fat Amy: those are your nipples
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Beca: it's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game Of Thrones
CR: Jesse makes you watch that too?
Beca: no, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doin' it
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Emily: so dumb guys go for dumb girls and smart guys go for dumb girls. What do smart girls get?
Fat Amy: cats, mostly
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Aubrey: are you familiar with the recent study of Tanzanian chimpanzees by Nishida and Hosaka out of Kyoto University?
Chloe: no, but I can name all the Kardashians
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CR: Stacie, you are smart
Stacie: smart? I have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as "smart"
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Stacie: Chloe, your nails look great!
Chloe: oh thanks!
Chloe: I found this place in Alhambra, it's in a woman's basement. I think it's a front for human trafficking, but they do a really good job!
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Dr. Mitchell: how come you're not excited about life?
Beca: I find nothing exciting before 11:00
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Beca: *holds hand out* game on
Chloe: *shakes hand* game on
Beca: wow your handshake is quite firm
Chloe: I took a seminar
Beca: where...?
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Emily: this B needs a C in her A!
Beca: oh my god!
Emily: this babe needs a coconut in her arms?
Beca: ohh I thought you were saying, this *bleep* needs a *bleep* in her *bleep*
Emily: oh my god!
Beca: that was my reaction!
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Aubrey: fine! Judge all you want to, but...
Aubrey, pointing at Jesse: married a lesbian
Aubrey, pointing at Chloe: left a man at the altar
Aubrey, pointing at Flo: fell in love with a gay ice dancer
Aubrey, pointing at Bumper: threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire
Aubrey, pointing at Lily inside a box: live in a box!
*****
Quotes from: The Big Bang Theory, Friends, Brooklyn 99, Boy Meets World, Gilmore Girls, Modern Family, Sex And The City, and Glee
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Incorrect Barden Bellas
FanfictionThings the Bellas haven't said, but probably would have. Plus some original oneshots. The jokes used are all from the mind of yours truly, not from any other franchise (tv shows, books, movies, etc.) unless stated, so if you're gonna use them , ple...
