Incorrect Barden Bellas

88

Stacie: I should get to pick the pizza toppings
CR: why?
Stacie: cause I'm half Italian
Flo: ok then I should get to decide what to get from Taco Bell!
Aubrey: but you're not Mexican. You're Guatemalan
Flo: so you white colonizers can claim entire continents but I don't get to speak on behalf on Latam?
Beca: Flo has dibs on Taco Bell matters...
Flo: gracias bitches

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CR: Benji is introducing Emily to anime
Beca, looking up: has she learned the word "kawaii" yet?
CR: I think so
Beca: this is the beginning of the end

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Chloe: Bellas movie night! Y'all must be there!
CR: can't, I have a date
Stacie: hey! What happened to "chicks before dicks"?
CR: I'm literally a lesbian
Stacie:
Stacie, to Beca: that is not fair, she's cheating the system!

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Aubrey: you're not very trustworthy
Fat Amy: I'm plenty trustworthy!
Fat Amy: Hey, Beca! How much do you trust me?
Beca, walking by: I'm pretty sure you stole 20 bucks from my wallet even though I haven't checked
Fat Amy, to Aubrey: see?
Aubrey: she literally thinks you stole from her
Fat Amy: she trusts that I did

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Chloe: please Beca! Come to karaoke night!
Beca: no.
Chloe: pretty please with cherries on top?
Beca: ugh fine
Chloe: Awes! I'll add you to the group chat!
Beca: what group chat?
Chloe: well I called it "Karaokie Dokie Squad"
Beca: no.

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Stacie: hey Becs, you free tomorrow?
Beca, casually reading: no, gotta go to a funeral
Stacie: whose?
Beca: I'm yet to decide

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Zeke: this one time, I had to carry a fellow soldier to the shore, so-
Aubrey: you sang to him to make him feel better
Zeke: uh, no. I CPR'd him and waited for rescuers, and-
Chloe: you sang to reveal your position to them!
Zeke: that's... definitely not what went down. They took him while I went back on the field, where-
Fat Amy: you distracted them with a song!
Zeke: what? No, of course not! Seriously what is wrong with you people!

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Emily: I don't know about this blind date... I know nothing about this guy except his name and age
Stacie: that's totally enough info
Emily: what? How?
Fat Amy: is his name Chad?
Emily: no, why-
Stacie: does it start with a J?
Emily: no, it's a B
Chloe: then you're safe
Fat Amy: unless it's Bryce, Brandon or the lethal hybrid: Bryson
Emily: it's Benjamin, actually
Stacie: does he go by Benjamin, full name? Ben, Benny?
Emily: uh he goes by Benji...
Stacie: this guy definitely wears suspenders and talks to turtles but, not a fuckboy!
Chloe: have fun on your date!
Emily: ...thanks?

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Flo: whenever something goes wrong, I try to laugh about it, convince myself it's funny. So it's easier to accept
Flo: like, "my car broke down in the middle of nowhere! Ha ha! I could look for a camel to ride!"
Chloe: ooh, let me try! "just got my nodes removed, now I sound like a whale! Hahaha"
Aubrey: "my father doesn't love me!" Hahahahaha
The Bellas: *look at Aubrey in concern*
Aubrey: *starts crying*

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Stacie: guys, I'm pregnant!
Chloe: OMG congrats!!
Ashley, simultaneously: oh shit
Jessica, simultaneously: good luck
Chloe: *turns to stare at them*
Jessica: I mean...
Ashley: ...congrats?

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A/N: oneshot coming soon!
Important question. What would you like to read first?

a) "regular" oneshot

b) Bechloe texting oneshot

Let me know! 😄

On a completely unrelated note, has anyone watched The Wilds? SO good. Shelby and Fatin are just awesome (they all are but still). Sooo yeah... just throwing it out there.