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Fat Amy: I like being productive during the day
Beca: you literally sleep all day
Fat Amy: and sleeping produces dopamine. Google it

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Chloe: oops
Aubrey: oops? That all you have to say?
Chloe: oopsie?
Aubrey: that's just a longer oops
Chloe: darn it?
Aubrey: now you're just rephrasing "oopsie"
Chloe: golly, what a disgrace!
Aubrey: I can't do this anymore

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Fat Amy: of course I care about the environment! I recycle all of Chloe's essays
Aubrey: Amy! You're supposed to do your own work!
Fat Amy: okay, tree-killer!

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Emily: hey everyone, how many times have you cried today
Beca: it's 9am
Emily: your point?

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CR: what's the plural of cactus?
Fat Amy: cactuses
Beca: cacti
Chloe: cactopus
Emily: isn't that an animal?
Chloe: ah, I think you're right

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Stacie: I love the idea of ouija boards
Beca: why?
Stacie: when I die, we can still text

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Chloe: so, this is the living room. Remember, there's windows, so if you're gonna walk around naked please shut the blinds. The basement's right under it, sometimes it smell like death and incense, don't investigate it.That's the kitchen, don't touch the cereal, there might be explosive in there. We only use the microwave so I couldn't tell you if the oven works. Upstairs there are the bedrooms and the bathroom - if Fat Amy's been there for more than five minutes, air it for at least three hours or use a mask. Or both, both is better. No sex on any surface of the house that is not in your room, unless it's your birthday, you get a pass that day.
Emily: um okay... is that all?
Chloe: don't, for ANY reason, feed Lily after midnight. Now I'm done.

*****

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