To Love A Sociopath

change of mind

Bonnie pulled herself to her feet, brushing off the excess dust. She was at a loss of words, looking at his entertained face. She tried to see any signs of the boy who was abused, the guy who was tired of life but there was nothing. 

"How does it feel?" She said, crossing her arms. "Having me look around in your head without your permission?"

"It kinda feels odd. I've never had a woman want to know me this bad. If you were that desperate, we could have talked about this over a glass of wine, some expensive food and classical music playing in the background. Then I would have told you all about killing my mother, killing the people who tortured me and eventually trying to kill myself."

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. "Seconds ago, you told me to get out. Now you're talking like it's nothing."

He shrugged. "Can't do nothing about it now."

Bonnie took a step forward, exactly aware of him watching her every move. She stood in front of him again, blinking. "I'm not going to kill you."

"Oh really? That's nice," he bobbed his head to the side. "Can I know what changed your mind?"

Bonnie rubbed her moist palms on her jeans. "When I was in your mind...I saw things. I see your motives and even though you're approaching your problems in completely the wrong way, I--"

"Don't you dare say you understand," he started, balling his hands into fists. Kai didn't look carefree anymore and Bonnie was astounded at his ability to move fluidly between his emotions like a switch. "What I do in my life has nothing to do with what happened when I was a child. I am who I am today and nothing in the past had to write that out for me. I was always meant to be like this."

"But you're wrong. Your past does define who you are today," she explained, speaking with her hands. "The pain you've been carrying around since you were a child is poisoning you. I can help you. My Grams went through a phase when she was young and she thought she was never going to climb out of the void. But she went through magic therapy--"

"So now I need a shrink? I'm not sick. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this but I'm not something you can fix. I'm something you break before I break you. So stop wasting your time," he averted his eyes.

Bonnie sighed, crossing her arms. She tried to think of another approach.

"Why do you even care? Why are you trying to change who I am?" He questioned. She didn't respond, staring at her feet. "Could it be that you're trying to change me for the better so you have a reason to warm up to me?" He taunted. Bonnie opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out. It was like something lodged itself in her throat to keep her from lying. At her hesitation, Kai laughed. "You like me," he said with his typical amusement.

"I don't." At this point, she could taste the lie on her tongue, the sentence burning her. Her heart started to pummel in her chest, singing a different tune her mouth was. Kai's smile indicated that he knew exactly what was happening with her. She sighed. "There must have been leftover feelings from before I remembered you killed Elena and Enzo."

"You know what I think? I think that after your memories came back, it has been hard for you to decide if I'm a good guy or not. With everything we went through during our time, you saw me as...someone you wanted to be with but then all the bad came back. And now that you've rummaged through my head, the good and the bad are unbalanced," he concluded.

"You're saying nonsense," Bonnie said, preparing herself to voice her speech about how she had no clue what he was saying. But her plans for that were interrupted when a sharp pain exploded in her abdomen. She grunted, holding a hand to her torso. 

"BonBon?" Kai stood in alert, watching as she struggled to hold onto the table she was supporting her weight with.

"I'm fine," she groaned, trying to stand up but the stinging only spread like wildfire across her body. Bonnie's screams of pain echoed in the bar and her knees hit the floor. The chains rattled as Kai struggled to break out of them. She couldn't speak anymore, the fire sizzling to her throat. With that, Bonnie fell out of the world.

*

The warm and soft covers were the first thing that welcomed Bonnie back. Followed by the blinding lights and the shattering glass from below. Bonnie stirred in the bed and realized she was back at the Lockwood Mansion. She wanted to see what new pot of chaos Kai and her friends were stirring up downstairs but she didn't get up. There was still the lingering pain in her body and Bonnie had no will to get up whatsoever. It felt like moving would break every fibre in her being so she tucked herself under the covers and tried to breathe.

Something was terribly wrong and she knew this. What scared Bonnie was she didn't know if she could fix it. Hours ticked by and the ruckus downstairs didn't stop. Against her needs, Bonnie stumbled out of bed, her bones protesting with agonizing pain. She tried to stifle it all up but she still whimpered. She pulled herself to the door, making her way slowly downstairs. 

Bonnie wasn't shocked to see the living room and the foyer flipped upside down, splinters, glass, everything thrown around. The first set of eyes she met with was Caroline's who was too busy arguing with Jeremy. Nora and Mary Louise were amongst the group, speaking with Stefan. Everyone was arguing, most of the problems rooting with Kai. All the negative energy always seemed to return to him but as usual, he had the smile. Ric was the only one not around.

Nobody seemed to notice she had arrived. Bonnie stood atop the stairs, feeling herself slowly stumble down the stairs. She couldn't control it, it was as though her body was slowing its function. Luckily, Elena caught wind and flitted to Bonnie before she fell down the stairs. "Bonnie, are you okay?"

She didn't respond, afraid that she would lose her voice if she tried to speak. Elena brought her down to the landing, passing by a mirror. Bonnie caught a glimpse of herself, horrified at what stared back. Her once golden skin had lost its tint and glow, now a deadly pale. Her hair looked thicker and messier than usual. Nora once pointed out that her eyes were bleak and Bonnie understood what she meant. Her posture was broken, hunched back and leaning against Elena for support.

"What happened?" Damon asked, approaching her. 

Bonnie wished she knew the answer. Involuntarily, her eyes fell to Kai's. He had his hands wrapped in chains, bolted to the wall like an animal. He smirked, giving her a jerk of his chin. Bonnie couldn't pull herself to look away and it was Nora who finally caught her attention. "Bonnie? Were you attacked?"

She didn't answer once more, staring at the floor. The pain was still there, reminding her as the seconds flew by.

"Why aren't you speaking?" Caroline asked, worry laced in her tone. 

Elena's head snapped to Kai's, growling as she demanded, "What did you do to her?"

Kai held his arms up in surrender, wearing an expression of shock. "Why would you think I have anything to do with it?" 

Stefan scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm about to blow your head."

"Aw, that's flattering. But if you do, you'll never know what's wrong with BonBon." Kai shrugged, leaning against the wall.

"You said you didn't have anything to do with it," Caroline snarled.

"I don't. But I know what's going on." On cue, Bonnie started to cough, the rush of aching pain travelling up her throat. She coughed into her hand, pulling back to blood. "She's sick."

~

"Hi sleepyhead, remember me?"

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