#33 ** (Camren)

Chapter 86: Next Moves

Narrator's POV

It had been more than two weeks since Lauren was back in New York and since she had known the reason why Camila pushed her away. She did not tell Normani or Dinah about it as it was Camila's personal matter. It was not Lauren's place to tell others. She also understood now why Nas was conflicted to tell her about it. Nas was not only afraid of Camila but he also respected her privacy. However, Nas could not stand it and He told Lauren in the end. He stuck to his idea that two people who loved each other should be together.  Lauren convinced him that she would never leave Camila and would love her the same and even more.

After finding out the reason and knowing how Camila was, Lauren planned her next moves. Lauren realized she would not be able to break Camila's walls using the hard way. It was not going to solve the problem, such as kept on asking her for the reason in a demanding way or insisting Camila get back to her. The more Camila was pushed, the more she would close herself. Lauren had to change her way and do it soon before Camila's heart froze. Camila loved action more than words, so Lauren would speak less and do more. She would be patient and would show her more love in order to move her little by little, and slowly break her walls down. Lauren still had to be a little bit demanding just not too much. Lauren understood Camila's fear. She just needed to convince Camila that she was Camila's haven and that Camila was all she wanted.

Camila's POV 

I promised Sofia that I would call our parents on Thanksgiving which was tomorrow. I did not expect them to forgive me. I disappointed them by leaving them without news. I made them worried and made them think I was dead. They blamed Lauren for it. Sofia told me that Lauren did not even try to defend herself in front of our parents. Lauren thought she was responsible for everything that happened to me. She took the blame for my missing.

I did not understand why Lauren was still here and still wanted me. I left her, I made her suffer, and I pushed her away and she was still here going nowhere. She should have left me after everything I did to her. I knew she stayed because she loved me not only for Luna and Helio. That was why she was too good, too good for me, and she definitely needed someone better than me to be by her side and to love her properly. Someone who she deserved for real.

I tried to build my walls high and I tried to push her away. I wanted her to leave me for someone better than she deserved. It was easy to say but It was not easy to do when she acted all good like that. She really cared about me and the babies. She would do everything to ensure we had the best. The way she looked at me was the same – full of affection. The way she kissed me was still the same. She even still wore that bracelet I gave her. My guard was down and my heart was weak when she kissed me. I hated her for being so patient with me. I hated her for loving me too much. I hated her for making me unable to move on from her. I hated her for making me love her more. If Lauren kept on doing it, I was afraid I would not be able to move on from her.

My therapist who I saw more often, once a week now,  after what happened on Halloween night suggested I talked to Lauren if possible. I did not see it as a good idea. It was not what I wanted. My plan would fail. I knew my plan was not a good plan for some people, but I wanted it that way. She only suggested I considered it as it might help my anxiety and sleepless nights. It might be true but I did not take her advice, I preferred to leave it that way. It was better for Lauren and me to stay apart.

However, it was good that Lauren was not in Portland and back in New York. I hope she would stay and spend more time in New York so that we could slowly move on from each other. It had been two weeks since she had been back in New York. She would video call her Luna and Helio every morning. She never missed it. Luna and Helio were also getting used to it. They would ask for the iPad when it was time and I was late to set it up for them.