"How's it taste?" The young cook asks his leader after serving him a warm brownie.
"It's good! A little dry, but it's really good!" Chan responds, not noticing the switch of Felix's facial expression.
He'd been cooking all day, wanting to get better. He knew that Chan didn't mean harm; it was good feedback to do better. He tried not letting it get to him, but there's always going to be that stab of not being good enough.
He's been baking and cooking for months. Every time, there was something wrong with it. Too salty, too sweet, too grainy, too dry, too moist, undercooked, over cooked, chewy, hard. He understood that he wasn't a professional, but he wished the boys would give him compliments without the slight criticism. At least once. At least from one of them.
He was slowly losing confidence in cooking after weeks went by. He begun to get worse because he started to not care, throwing away a perfectly good meal after tasting it himself and thinking it was too salty.
Seungmin had watched as he scraped out the pan into the trashcan, wanting to say something, but feeling he'd make it worse.
Soon, he had stopped altogether. The guys of course noticed. They'd ask if he would make brownies or some type of meal, and he'd say he was too busy. He'd leave the dorms just so he could make it look like he was busy. In reality, he'd sit in the park and feed the ducks.
It was only after they had done a Vlive of them cooking in teams that it hit him. Hard. He hated cooking. He'd never be good enough. After the managers and staff left, he shuffled to his room, not bothering to even eat anymore.
He laid in his bed, pretending to sleep so no one would bother him. Thousands of thoughts were flying through his head. A lot making his heart pound and his chest tighten. He trembled with anxiety, upset that he'd never be good enough.
A knock on his door echoed through the room, his roommate walking in. He felt the bed dip behind him, a warm, uneasy hand settling on his shoulder.
"I know you're awake, Bokkie," Changbin whispers, rubbing his arm up and down as if that would help his depressed state. "What's the matter? You're shaking."
Felix took in a deep breath, trying his best to stop the shaking. "Nothing. I'm tired."
"Do you wanna cuddle tonight?"
To this, Felix looked up. "What?"
"Do you wanna cuddle? Those always make you feel better. If you're actually tired, we can go to sleep. If you wanna talk about it, I'm here."
He looked away, hugging a stuffed animal to his chest. "No, I'm okay. Thanks. Goodnight."
Changbin was surprised, to say the least. Whenever the younger was upset, he was very accepting of affection. Something was majorly wrong, and it worried him.
"Okay... I'm always here. Just a bed away. Goodnight, sleep well."
Felix closed his eyes, blocking out sound from the rest of the world. His thoughts grew louder, everything else background noise. They raised in volume until finally, he fell asleep.
-
Changbin woke up to heavy breathing. He rubbed his eyes harshly before squinting through the darkness. With what the moonlight provided, he watched Felix's scrunched up figure move unconsciously.
The elder went over, crouching next to him. He was drenched in sweat, his eyes screwed shut, and his chest heaving up and down.
Changbin quickly went to grab a warm towel, shaking Felix awake and gently pressing the damp towel against his forehead and neck.
"Lixie, are you okay?" He listened to the boy struggle to catch his breath.
"Yeah," he muttered, "sorry."
"It's okay. Was it a nightmare?"
"Yeah."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Do you want me to lay with you?"
"..."
"..."
"...yeah, please. Did I happen to wake Channie? Is he even in here?"
"Yeah, he's here, just asleep. Do you wanna change shirts? You're really sweaty."
"Oh, uh, yeah. Give me a second."
He stumbled out of the bed, switching his shirts in no time. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm okay."
"You're a really bad liar."
"I know."
"You're really stressed, Felix. I know that. I'm not going to force you to talk about it, but you should really get it out sometime. You know that any of us would listen."
"I know. I'm just tired. Maybe tomorrow, okay? Let's sleep for now."
He didn't want to tell him because he felt it was stupid. It was stupid to get upset over something so simple. He was invalidating his own feelings without realizing it.
"Okay."
They climbed into Changbin's bed, his more comfy anyway. The elder held onto Felix tightly, the younger having his arms around Changbin's waist. They were twisted together like two ramen noodles.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight... and thank you."
•How was this?
I need inspiration for my other books
T—T•
