I read the comments, forcing myself to smile and laugh. "Lee Know, you're cruel." The words hurt just a bit, as I had previously gotten a comment calling me mean. Am I really that mean?
"How could you?" I joke. "I'm leaving." I lean back in my chair. "I'm really leaving. Bye." I wave to the camera, trying my best to act calm and not upset. "I'm really leaving. Not because I'm mad. I'm really just leaving."
I took a few more moments to say goodbye to my stays before ending the live. The staff stands up, helping me with the camera.
"Fans can be cruel, yeah?" She phrases it as a question, but it sounds more like a statement.
I smile sadly, shaking my head. "They weren't my fans. My fans wouldn't say that to me."
-
When I enter the dorm, I slide off my shoes and put on my slippers. It was nice to be home.
I understand why they think I'm mean. I'm cold on the outside. I make harsh jokes. Am I too harsh? Do the members think I'm mean? The thought put a glaze over my eyes.
"Hyung, are you okay?" Changbin asks, glancing at me from the couch.
"What? Yeah."
"Your live was trending on Twitter. I saw what they said to you."
"Okay."
I walk to my room, throwing my bag on the floor and laying on my bed. I shouldn't be thinking so hard about this. I know the members love me. I love them too. Do they know I love them? Do they get hurt by my words? Should I be better?
"Minho, you're not mean."
I sit up, looking at the door. Changbin stood there, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed.
"I-I know." The stutter wasn't me. I didn't mean for it to happen. Gosh, what's wrong with me? My face flushes with embarrassment.
He walks over, pushing me till I make space for him to lay with me. He wraps his thick arms around me, rubbing his face in my hair.
Usually, I'd complain about affection. I loved it, but teasing them was fun. Now, I laid there melting into it. I needed it.
"You shouldn't think about it too much. You know they weren't your fans. They're just sad people. You're not mean, even if you try to act that way. We know you love us."
I swallow the lump in my throat, not responding. I can't cry in front of him. It makes me feel weak. I'm afraid of looking weak.
I pat his arms that were around my torso, letting him know that I heard him. I appreciated moments like these. They were comforting and reassuring.
"We love you too."
•How was this?•
