I stand in the shower, staring into the white panel. Tears flooded my eyes, falling down my pale cheeks. I couldn't tell if the liquid on my face was mostly shower water or my own sadness.
My lips trembled, my breathing beginning to pick up. I couldn't even think. Silent cries spilled from my mouth, forcing me to lean forward, grasping my stomach.
It hurt.
My shoulders shook greatly, making my trembling hands shake more. My head grew hot, mental pain filling to the brim.
I tried listening to my music, but it was as sad as I was. Putting on a smile everyday was tiring. It was good to let go, but it hurt more than anything.
My heart was broken. Completely and utterly shattered. There was no possible way to fix it. Not hugs. Not comforting words. Not anything could help me in this moment.
The song ended soon, forcing me to cover my mouth. I was scared that the others would hear me, even over the shower running. Tears still escaped my eyes, sobs piling up against my hand.
As soon as the next song started, I let go. Grasping the wall, I fell weak on my knees. It was too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
I cried for minutes on end, not once stopping. As three songs played along, I tried calming myself down. My fingers were getting pruny.
Breathing in softly, I shut the shower off, only music filling the bathroom now. I stepped out, wrapping a towel around my waist. I wiped down the mirror, finally looking at myself.
My face was bright red. Around my eyes was puffy. My eyes themselves were bloodshot.
Sobs burst out again, making me stumble to cover my mouth. I think it was even more awful than when I was in the shower.
I fell to my knees again, grasping the counter tight enough for my knuckles to burn white.
I didn't know what was worse. Having to cover my mouth so I wouldn't cry loudly during a song change or the fact that I had calmed myself down only to cry again.
