I nervously fumble with my fingers as I walk behind Chan and Changbin into JYP's meeting room. He had told us he needed to specifically talk to me, but never specified why. Chan and Changbin came along since we're the producing group and obviously, we had other things to talk about.
We bowed to him as a greeting, sitting in the normal office chairs. He started off by saying how proud he was and how we were doing such a great job. Chan showed him a few of our newest tracks, watching for his reaction.
Twenty minutes go by and he meets my eyes, frowning a bit.
"Ah, Jisung, there was something I needed to talk to you about."
I nod, waiting for him to go on. My heart was pounding. Was I in trouble? Did I do something wrong? He didn't frown for nothing.
"Recently, I've noticed in your performances that you have been forgetting the lyrics and sometimes the choreography. Little mess ups like that."
My heart dropped, the cool air biting at my skin. I sit up straighter, clenching my jaw. It's true, I've been having a rougher time with things. I focus on one thing too much and my balance has been off. I've taken on too many stressors and it's showing.
"Y-yes, I know," I stutter out. "I'm-"
"I don't need to hear excuses, Han," he says strictly, making me shut up instantly.
Chan and Changbin sit there tensely, unsure of what to do or what to say. I could tell they wanted to defend me, but JYP was the boss.
"During the survival show, Chan had done many things. He rapped, he sang, he produced, he danced, he led. Yet, he never missed a beat. Changbin, as well. And they both continue to do well. Why are you now messing up? Is there something holding you back from focusing? Is there something wrong? You used to be so charismatic, so confident. What happened?"
"I- um, I have been trying to work harder. There's a lot of compounds to it-"
"Tell me, Jisung."
"Um," I dig my nails into my palms, "There's a lot going on. I've been focussing on writing lyrics and producing. A-and choreography has always troubled me, but I'm working on doing better and learning more from the other members."
"Well then," he smiles, "if you're trying to work better, why are you doing worse?"
I state at him, mouth agape. I couldn't tell him why. I didn't know how to word it. I was panicking, and it was showing. Chan gazed at me, side-eyeing me with concern.
He sighed and waved me off, "I'm assuming your mentality has played a big part in this. Please, get some rest and try not to overwork yourself. That'll be all, boys. Thank you. And Jisung, I hope that whatever is bothering you, you fix it."
We all stood, bowed, and quickly left. As soon as we were out, Chan hugged me to calm me down. Changbin said he'd meet us in the company car.
"Just breathe, Sung," he whispers, rubbing my back. "It's okay."
I nod, breathing in shakily, "I know."
-
Once we get home, I put my hand on my forehead, walking straight to my room. I ignored the worried questions that came from Felix and Hyunjin, shutting my door almost in their faces.
Minutes pass by of me sitting on the edge of my bed, just breathing and trying to recap. Just be better. Be better. Do better. Work harder.
A knock sounds throughout my room, and I hesitate to open the door. Chan stands there with a sympathetic smile.
I put my head in my hands, letting him close the door while I sit back on the bed. He wraps an arm around me, kissing the side of my head.
"Jisung, it's not that hard to see that you work really hard. You're always doing things ahead of time because you're worried you might miss the due date. You're always worrying about another member when they leave. You worry all the time and you have anxiety about everything. The boss is right, you need to rest more. Quit working so much. I know that you know the lyrics and choreo. Take some time."
I give in, sinking into his side, "I know. It's just hard."
"I know, but I'll be with you every step, okay? So will everyone else. Rest will be good for you, don't worry."
•How was this?•
