Jisung sits on the carpeted floor in front of the couch, stirring his warm coffee slowly while staring down at it. He wasn't quite in reality at that moment; he was deep into his sad and upsetting thoughts. He was thinking about the past memories that weren't so great, just sour.
All he really wanted was for someone - mostly Minho - to ask if he was okay. He hadn't been asked that in such a long time, and he needed someone to ask. Usually he'd brush it off and say he was fine, but in his heart, the next time someone would ask, he would say no.
He wanted someone to ask him so badly. He needed it. He wanted to hear that question and answer truthfully for once, get it off of his chest.
It was odd. How could his boyfriend never ask if he was okay? He had showed clear and bold signs that he wasn't. Not on purpose of course, but his texts were dry, he put on a noticeable fake smile, and his sleeping habits were worse than usual. Maybe Minho never noticed, but it was hard not to.
Whenever Minho even seemed slightly off, he always asked if he was okay. Just to make sure. Minho sometimes posted things that were kind of hypocritical. He'd say things like "check up on your friends" or "notice the signs," yet he never noticed his own boyfriend. How does that work?
Jisung sometimes visualized what he would say if Minho asked him. The conversation always went like this:
"Ji, are you okay?"
"No, not really."
"What's wrong?"
"Just everything Min, I feel so unimportant and unappreciated. I get blown off everyday by my friends, and I feel uncared for."
"Oh baby, why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
"You never asked."
"You could've told me."
"I was embarrassed, Minho. I was shy. I was scared of how you would react if I ever told you I needed you. You've left before. It terrifies me to even think about."
"I... I'm so sorry... Jisung, I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. God, I'm sorry, I'll try harder."
"...okay, thank you."
End scene.
That's what he wishes would happen. But in reality, this is what would happen:
"You good, Ji?"
"Not really."
"Why?"
"Everything. I feel unimportant, unappreciated, uncared for, and I'm just in a lot of pain. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I'm really struggling."
"Oh... I'm sorry man. I wish I could do something more for you. I don't really know what to say."
"...it's fine. It doesn't matter anyway."
"Okay."
And end scene, again.
That's how that would go.
It's not that Minho didn't care. He did. But Jisung never felt like he did. He knew Min had his clingy and cute moments. But it was just hard. He didn't know what to do. His friends told him to tell Minho how he felt, but like he said earlier, he was too afraid of his reaction.
He always tried staying positive. Always. Life just hasn't been the nicest. His mental health was plummeting faster than he thought. He didn't know why. He didn't know what to do, either. Just leave it alone? Try to be happy? He didn't know. No one could help him.
He was alone.
•How was this?
I've been going through a really rough time, so I just want to say thank you to all my supporters and readers. You guys literally make my day whether you're just reading or you're commenting. Thank you for all the love and support. You guys truly make me happy•
