Squeezing my eyes shut, I hold my breath as my heart pounds in my ears. My hands cover my ears, blocking out any possible outside sound that could reach me. My legs forced me back into the corner of the recording booth, sliding down the foam covered wall.
Hands grabbed at me, tugging at my arms. It was a scary experience. I was frightened, but I couldn't open my eyes to see who it was.
One wrong thing just sent me into panic.
We'd been recording, only the eight of us in here. I was singing my line, but it wasn't coming out. Jisung and Chan kept telling me to take a deep breath and try again and that it was okay.
I always try my best, and when my best sucks, I can't help but feel horrible about it. I was overwhelmed with how the note went and how I couldn't get it. All of them were watching, and usually I don't get embarrassed, but I did. That on top of the frustration was tough.
The multiple hands stopped grabbing at me, only one lingering on my cheek. It was warm, and it was comforting. I felt my tense body relax as I took in a needed breath.
The person's thumb swiped against my skin, sending a wave of ease to my head. My eyes fluttered open, connecting with Jisung's. He gives a small, worried smile to me. My trembling hands release my ears, sound from the other guys coming to me.
"Are you okay?" Jisung asks, moving his hand from my cheek to my knee that was still pressed against my chest.
I nod, closing my eyes again out of embarrassment and lower my head. I can't believe they just saw me like that. I was usually the one who was level-headed. I'm not one to panic.
"Can you give us a minute, guys?" Jisung requests from the others. I hear feet shuffling out and I open my eyes again.
Once the door was closed, the older turns to me, "what happened?"
I shrug, my face heating up and feeling a lump build in my throat.
"Were you overwhelmed because you couldn't get the note how you wanted?" He questions, rubbing my knee every now and then.
I nod, feeling another restriction in my chest. The need to cry was strong.
"You can cry, Seungmin, I'm here. It's okay. I know how you feel; I used to get panic attacks back when it was just Chan, Changbin, and I. I always worried that I wasn't good enough, even when I looked so confident on the outside."
His empathic words brought tears to my eyes, and I quickly got on my knees to hug him. If I was going to cry, I wasn't going to let him see my face. It's embarrassing enough.
"S-sorry," I stutter out with tears trailing down my hot cheeks.
"It's okay," he speaks with a gentle voice, "we all feel a little overwhelmed sometimes."
After a few minutes, my tremble goes down and my tears calm. I release him from the hug, playing with my fingers.
"Th-thanks," I say, "I didn't know you could be so gentle. I-I didn't know you've had panic attacks before."
He shakes his head, "I don't like telling you guys that stuff. Chan hyung and Changbin hyung are really the only two who've been there before and once with Minho hyung. I'm glad I could be there for you, though. Come to me anytime you feel like that, okay?"
I nod, "I will."
He pats my head, "do you want to try recording with the others out of the room? It might help because I know you're embarrassed about it."
"Yeah, I think we should do that."
"Alright, just take a deep breath. Your water is there if you need it," he reminds me before helping me off the ground and going to the recording block.
"Whenever you're ready," he grins, giving me a thumbs up.
•How was this?•
