"Jisung-hyung, get up," Seungmin says, tugging the blanket a bit.
"I don't feel well. Leave me alone," I respond, not even sparing a glance at him.
I hear him sigh and his footsteps trail out of the room. Finally. I stare at the wall in front of me, my back facing the doorway.
I felt sick. Sick to my stomach. I didn't want to get up because I didn't feel like getting made fun of today. I didn't feel like getting ridiculed.
My eyes had already burned last night from crying, I didn't want to repeat it again.
"Hey, Jisung, what's the matter? You're feeling sick?" Chan's voice interrupts my thoughts. He sets a hand on my upper arm, trying to get me to look at him.
"Please don't touch me, hyung. I don't feel well. Leave me be today," I ask in a quiet tone.
"Han Jisung, I know you're lying. You don't usually push me away like this. Please, talk to me," he tries again, which only saddens me more.
"Please, please Chan-hyung, leave me alone," my throat begins to close as it had last night.
He sighs, rubbing my arm gently, "okay, Jisungie, talk to me if you need. I'm always here."
I don't answer, instead just lay in the same position, sulking. Tears build up once again and I try to breathe through them but I can't. Sobs shake my body, having me bury my head into my pillow so I wouldn't make a sound.
Next thing I know, two arms are wrapping around my body tightly, comforting me slightly. I expect it to be Jeongin or Chan, but when I look up, I see Minho's chin.
"What's wrong, Sungie?" He questions, connecting our eyes.
"I-I just..."
What was wrong? Everyone, everyone made fun of me. That's childish to get upset about. Then again, it was nonstop. It's on camera. Off camera. When I'm not even present.
"I'm not feeling very good. I'm stressed out and I don't want the other members to get upset with me. I'm trying my best, but it's just really hard right now."
Now, it wasn't a complete lie. I was stressed. I didn't feel good mentally. I just didn't tell him the whole thing.
"We wouldn't get upset with you for being stressed out, Jisung. We've all had our times where we've been stressed. It's okay to feel like that, but you can't push us away like this. It's not good."
"No, I understand that you guys have had your stressed periods. But this... this is different. It's... it's worse. It's so much more worse," I respond, trying my best not to blow my cover.
"What do you mean by 'worse'?" He questions, his eyebrows coming together in worry.
I shake my head, showing him that I don't want to talk about it any longer. I bury my head in his chest, loving his fresh scent. It helped me calm down. Even though he's been apart of the teasing, he's not as bad. You can tell he's a lot more playful. He's more affectionate than anything and anyone.
He rubs the back of my neck, sending me waves of comfort. The warmth that radiates off of his body makes me feel safe.
"You don't have to stay here. I'm sure the members are wondering where you went," I say, curious as to why he had even come in the first place.
"I want to make sure you're okay. I'll stay here as long as I have to. I'm here for you, Sungie."
"I appreciate that, Minho," sudden butterflies entered my stomach and I knew what I was feeling towards him at that moment.
I hated those feelings, but there wasn't anything I could do about them. You can't control your feelings unless you're mentally damaging yourself to get rid of them.
For now, I'd let his comfort kill my tears.
-
Abruptly, Jisung rips off his mic and throws it to god knows where. Everyone goes dead silent as the young idol shoves his way out of the room. He practically had steam flowing out of his ears.
Their manager calmly asks one of the members to go see what was wrong while they put all the equipment away. Minho volunteers, worried for his boyfriend. He jogs after the smaller boy, finding him soon after in the staircase just beside the exit.
Jisung had his head in between his knees and his arms pulling at his hair. His body was trembling and you could clearly hear that he was struggling to breathe.
Minho carefully approached his lover, setting a gentle hand on his shoulder only to have it ripped off. Han stands up quickly, walking closer to the outside door.
"D-don't touch me, Minho. J-just go. I don't want to talk to anyone. Leave me alone." He knew who it was without having to look at him. The touch was familiar and he wouldn't have expected anyone else to come after him before Minho.
"Baby, you're on the verge of hyperventilation. I'm not going to leave you alone. Tell me what happened," Minho tries softly, taking a step closer.
"No, Minho! Go!" Jisung screams, shutting his eyes and unconsciously jerking his head away.
Minho stays put, not speaking anymore but refusing to leave. The door from the floor above them opens and Changbin and Chan come out, having heard the yell.
"What's going on?" Chan questions, his leadership role coming out.
Han sets a hand on the wall, leaning on it for support. He uses his other hand to pinch his already bruised thigh. Fuck, he thought, why do I have to be like this?
"Please let me talk to Minho alone," Jisung requests, still not having turned around.
"Alright, get one of us if you need," Changbin responds, worried for his friend.
"Okay, Ji, they're gone. What's wrong?" The taller of the two questions, standing next to the boy.
"I-It's stupid. I shouldn't- I shouldn't even be like this," Han forcibly laughs, turning and looking at his boyfriend.
There's slight makeup streaks down his face, making his face easy to point out that he had been crying. Or he was crying. Once he looked at Minho, sobs started to burst out.
"I can't take this anymore!" Jisung screams.
Minho quickly took in the problem and hugged the shorter male, feeling his lover shake in his arms.
"N-no one ever takes me seriously. A-and they always make fun of me. You have no idea how it feels to be the joke of the group. To always be laughed at, and not in a good way. I'm just a fucking joke, and there's only so much I can take."
•How was this?
This is what I had written for the book 'Ridicule,' I was going to write and decided not to•
