I jump awake, my eyes darting everywhere around the room. My heart pounded in my chest while my stomach churned with nausea. Fucking nightmares. I was too fucking tired to deal with this shit. I was already sick, I didn't need sleep deprivation.
I sigh quietly, rubbing my eyes. I roll around, trying to get into a more comfortable position. There was no way I was going to lose sleep after some shitty nightmare.
-
"Fuck. Are we really doing this shit tonight? I took a fucking melatonin, leave me alone!" I yell into my pillow, my hands trembling from the fear overtaking me.
"It's okay, Jisung. Just. Just go back to sleep. Fucking christ." I couldn't understand why my body hated me. I've already been struggling with sleeping. Now my nightmares have to start up again? And what the fuck is up with the two nightmares a night now? It's like the world is telling me to fuck off and die.
-
Tears escape me, the nightmares getting worse by the hour. I wipe my eyes, trying to breathe in and out calmly. Lightheadedness overcomes me, forcing me to lay back down. Oh yeah, I'm fucking sick. Great. I sit up slowly, shaking it out.
"At least you're not vomiting, Jisung," I scold myself, stumbling out of bed and turning on my fan. Maybe I was just too hot. Maybe that was the problem.
-
The blanket flies off of me when I wake, my legs doing their own thing and kicking them away. My heart was beating uncontrollably, my brain taking a minute to realize that a building hadn't just exploded with me and my brother next to it.
"Please," I beg to no one, "leave me alone." Four? Are you fucking serious? I have a test. Brain, are you listening? I have a test tomorrow! You can't fail it! It's important!
My eyelids droop, but I rub them to stay awake. Maybe watching a nice movie will help. Because that's totally worked before, Jisung. But hey, it wouldn't hurt to try tonight.
I put on Monsters University, letting it play out. Please, let me fall asleep to this and actually get good sleep.
-
My alarm blares, waking me from the middle of my nightmare. At least I made it to the clock. I groan, rubbing my temples. Today was going to be shitty.
-
"What the hell happened to you?" Minho wraps an arm around me, glancing at me with concern as we walk to our school.
"Don't even. Bad night."
"Seems like it. You look like you got punched in both eyes. Did you even sleep?"
"No, not really."
"What happened? Were you studying?"
"No, just nightmares."
"Oh, baby," Minho pouts, rubbing my arm up and down to comfort me. "Will you be okay to take the test? There's always retakes."
"No, I'm fine. I don't want to wait six goddamn months to retake this stupid test." I move my hands when I talk, hitting my thighs when I'm finished. Sheesh, I was cranky. Calm down.
I could feel the frustration building up in my throat. All I wanted to do was cry and sleep.
"Hey, just breathe, lovely." He stops us, getting in front of me to hold my face in his hands. He brushes my cheek bones, kissing my forehead. "It'll be okay. We can go back to my place after the test and take a nap, okay?"
I bite my tongue, breathing heavily. Shaking my head, I slap my thighs again. "I don't want to take a nap!" Tears slip down my face, my emotions escaping quickly. "I just want today to be over. I don't want to be here anymore." I cry into his chest, locking my arms around his torso.
Was I even going to be able to make it through the test? Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't I sleep normally? Why did my anxiety have so much effect on my sleep? Why?
I take in a gulp of air, taking myself out of his arms. Turning around, I shake my hands out. "I'm okay. I'm okay." I force out a laugh, feeling unbelievably stupid. "Let's go. I'm okay."
"Are you sure, baby? I can... you know what, you're right. You're fine. You're a bad bitch. You're going to go into that damn classroom and fucking ace that test. Let's go. And afterward, I'll buy us some cheesecake and we can go to the park."
"Damn right," I respond, nodding. "Let's go and get this shit over with. I'm ready for some cheesecake and love."
"Woo! Let's do this shit!"
•How was this?
I've had a long week of testing for hours on end, and I'm so tired, but somewhat less stressed out (btw, I really did have 4-5 nightmares in a single night. That shit was ROUGH) 😩•
