ꨄThe Debutanteꨄ

74.

...

2 Months Pass

...

Two months have passed now. Another thirty days without a movement. A jolt. A blink or a shudder, Anika was still very unresponsive.

The expected time for her to be in a coma has greatly been exceeded beyond the limit. Without any progress being made, the doctors had to resist denial that she could pass over any time soon.

Of course what does this mean for Cookie? The love of her life? The woman who she will run to the ends of the earth with?

Pure despair.

And that's all she's been feeling.

Cookies state has been progressively becoming worse as the time goes on. Not only were her bags more prominent, but she was slimmer, now. Her sons still didn't bother to communicate with her, her workdays remain blank with little or no attendance.

Her hopes for Anika were still high, but her loneliness was getting to her. This isolation she was left in. This rejection from her family. It was like a box. She felt like she was in a hole again.

Like a prisoner.

Times like this remind Cookie of when she would be placed into solitary confinement, or 'the hole' as a punishment in prison. Being thrown in a room the size of a horse stable, eating food off a tray slid through a slot, one hour of interaction a day, one bed, sink, and toilet. Not to mention the smallest window that was too tall for her to see out of, and dim flickering lightbulb.

Three weeks she spent in there. And that was a period that occurred one out of multiple times. Cookie got in many fights in prison. Some with guards, most with criminals. Sometimes it was self defense, sometimes she had to nitpick when a girl didn't follow her pimping orders. But she would always get thrown in the hole.

She remembers it vividly. The abusive officers kicking her, slamming her down so hard she'd bruise her face or her side, her bruised ribs aching without needed medical attention.

She would lost her mind while being locked away. Hearing people screaming around her. Mentally ill people yelling and begging to be released, the confinement only making them worse. Rapists, supremacists, murders, too. She was sealed from her prison-buddies, at some point she felt like she was losing her mind.

When she got released she didn't speak for the first two weeks. Developed insomnia from the constant sleepless nights, spending them by filling her pillows with her regretful tears of pure pain.

She felt like an animal. All alone. No contact. No touch. No voice. No purpose.

Those experiences shaped Cookie into some of the traits she has now. Explaining why she didn't like things such as background noise when trying to sleep, because it reminded her of the constant noise she heard when she was locked away. How she always flinched each time she felt Anika return to wrap her arms around her after using the bathroom because she hasn't felt positive physical touch in so long. How she always needs Anika's hold to fall asleep because she hasn't experienced any sort of affection since her prison days.

Cookie couldn't sleep with the lights off, reminding her of time when the power would go out in the cells, and all you'd see is a black void of your own mistakes. Hearing the screams, the yells. Feeling someone bump you who you didn't even know. Hearing a fight in the distance and not knowing if they were coming for you. She always made sure that she tried to eat a full meal because when she became depressed while in prison she had lost motivation to eat, and when she did start eating again it took a long time for her to be filled up due to controlled food portions.