ꨄThe Debutanteꨄ

76.

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4 Months Pass

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The chilling October breeze swept throughout the air, picking up brown and crunchy leaves, coursing them along the streets and roads.

The fall season had approached quickly, now. Quicker than anyone could have expected with the current situation going on in Cookies life.

The woman sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the city skyline from her penthouse window. She looked different again than before. Still tired, still hurting, and still yearning. However, there was a glimpse of hope within her eyes that seemed to simmer deep within.

Ever since Anika had moved again, it shifted Cookies perspective on her current life choices. She has been trying- with sometimes poor success rates- to shape herself back to the version that she was when Anika was around. When she was happy and well. When she would laugh more, cry less, and her heart would beat with butterflies.

Even though she couldn't fall asleep most nights without crying first while also being unable to immediately get out of bed without crying, she's made an effort to adjust her sleeping and wake schedule over the course of this month.

Her bags and sleep lines were starting to lightly fade, slowly allowing her face to go back to its even and soft glow.

The thoughts of Anika were still so prominent each and every day of Cookies personal life. Cookie thought about her birthday the most often. Thinking about what they would have done to celebrate it. She knew that Anika would have made it perfectly unforgettable, whether it be a lot or a small event. Whether they went to Paris or stayed inside of her home, curled up under the sheets and making love.

They wouldn't even need to touch for Cookie to feel the intense intimacy from her. To feel her affection fit her like a glove. To dance with her slowly, to have her sing a serenading song of praise for her special day of being born, and to cherish each moment within the celebration.

Cookie didn't think she'd admit it, but she thought about her and Anika's future quite often. Even more since the incident. Did they still have one? Was it still possible? Would their relationship be the same or even feel the same once she wakes up?

How do you have a future with a woman? Living together is a step, but what do you do after that? Does it feel the same as having it with a man? Cookie still wondered about the conversation that she and Anika had before she was hurt. What she and her mother talked about. About the future a man could give her.

About children.

Cookie would certainly want that for her. Anika was a firecracker of energy but she was very responsible. She'd pull it off easily. And with Cookies help-

Cookie shook her head and released a slight groan of annoyance. Why is she thinking about this as if she's going to be able to do this for her? To her? Cookie had already done her parenting, well, the part that she was around to physically parent for, but she finished it all. She couldn't imagine her sons having a smaller addition to the family. In their 20s and 30s?

Two moms. No father, but two women taking care of it instead. Who would be who? Mom and mom? Mother and mommy? What about the pregnancy? Whose seed will she use? A strangers? A friends? Even if Anika did get pregnant, Cookie wouldn't feel like a parent again. She'd feel like a babysitter, or simply a girlfriend taking care of a child that looked nothing like her. Who didn't mirror her or have an ounce of her blood. As for her boys, Cookie could tell which part she created. The amount of her blood each one has.

As for the child that Cookie couldn't keep, she always visualized how it, how she, would look. Sassy like her mother? She wouldn't have fallen into her bad habits would she? She'd stay away from the streets. From the heartbreaking boys who'd put her in an endless cycle of the life that Cookie just discarded. Or would a...girl do it?