Merder

Push through

Nobody POV:

Meredith were still getting over what happened. They were still pushing through. Addison went home a week ago with the baby. Meredith and Derek were sleeping in different rooms.

The door creaked open to mer's room. She felt a little body lay next to her.

" are you and daddy getting a divorce?" Zola asked
" no sweetheart we're not. Not now. We're just going through something right now."

AT THE HOSPITAL...

" what about you Karev have you talked to Mer?" Jackson asked
" yeah but she hadn't mentioned anything about their situation."
" I heard they're sleeping in separate bedrooms." April said
" yeah well he hurt her. Badly. I'm surprised she let that go." Callie said
" he didn't sleep with Addison so he didn't cheat."Arizona said
" but still the stress she went through for that day. She told him it was over and then took him back at the end of the day." Jo said
" plus he admitted to doing something stupid but didn't do. So what is he really hiding?" April said
They all stared at each other.
" somebody needs to check up on them. Soon." Jackson said
" me and Meredith are fine. Just let it go. You're here to work not to gossip so start doing what you need to do." Derek said

LATER THAT DAY....

Meredith POV:

I didn't have work today so I stayed home. I decided to bring the kids to daycare and sign off on my charts.
" mer? What are you doing here isn't it your day off?" Jackson asked
" yeah but I can't just sit home and do nothing. I figured come in and get my charts done."
Jackson smiled and I walked away.

Nobody POV:

" alex we have a problem." Jackson said and alex looked at him.
They gathered everybody in a conference room.
" what's going on guys?" Owen asked
" Mer is here." Jackson said
" and...." Miranda said
" on her day off." Alex said
They all just stared at him
" she never comes in on her day off. She's spying on Derek she can't trust him."
" so she's watching him." Jo said
" to see that he's not cheating for herself." Callie said
" because his word isn't good enough anymore." April said
" not since the whole Addison thing." Owen said
" you're right." They all spun around. Derek. " she shouldn't trust me. Who would. After what I put her through, nobody would. She told me that we were done and then she took me back. She's hurt. It be the right thing to just walk away and never come back because someone like her should not have to go through this much pain. But she has. And all of it has been with me. So you start to question yourself, am I the cause of the pain?.."
Jackson interrupted him.
"Derek..." He said
"That's not what we meant..." Alex said
" thats not what we're saying..." April said
" but you are, and you're right. Meredith doesn't need this. She's perfect. She doesn't have flaws. I've wondered myself how we've made it this far. I mean years of this. All the things we've been through and we're both standing here. It's amazing, one thing happens and the world comes crumbling down but yet you dodge the rubble and get out. Then you start walking again always looking over your shoulder to see what's coming. I'm done. The damage is done. It's too much to clean up so you find another place to stay. So I'm going. I can't clean up all the messes I made. So I'm relocating. I'm leaving. I caused too much harm. I'm handing in my resignation effective immediately."
" you're what?" Meredith said and everyone spun around.
" Meredith..." Derek said
" so these people say things about something they know nothing about and that's it? You decide that you and me are over? Our family, our lives you have the power to end? Since when? I thought I had a decision on this. But considering you just quit I guess not. I was getting over it Derek. We were pushing through this but you just wanna walk out and leave everything unsolved then fine go. Leave . I'm done chasing after you. I've done it for years. I thought we said we were done running. Done playing games. I said I wanted another kid. I still want one. I never gave up on you. But you're constantly giving up on me. I love you Derek Christopher Shepherd but if you need this to be over then just say so cause I'm so exhausted. Loving you is exhausting but pretending I'm mad at you is just the same. I need you Derek but if you don't need me then put me out of my misery. Let me go. Put me back in the ocean so I can learn to swim again because I'm drowning on dry land without you. So make a decision and make it fast cause I'm running out of air."
Everybody had tears in their eyes. And the whole hospital surrounded the conference room. Their heads were down as they sat there.
" I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to. That was never my intention. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to make a family. Never in my 10 year plan did I picture this. We've been through a lot but we've gotten through it. When I heard them talking I wanted to do what was best for you. For some reason I thought leaving was the best solution. I never realized that you needed me just as much as I needed you. If we ended things Meredith that would be the end of me. There would be no more Derek Christopher Shepherd. I would be just some guy with an ordinary life. My life became extraordinary the moment you walked into it. Without you I don't know where I would be. I never wanted to leave you. I wanted what was best for you. You have me. All of me. I'm yours. It's like you're the fisherman and I'm the fish. You've hooked me. I can't get loose unless you throw me back into the water. But Mer I need you. I don't ever want to lose you. I'd be lost. I wouldn't know what to do without you.i can't live without you. You're everything Meredith. I can't live my life without you. I love you."
" I love you too." Mer said. Derek smiled and gave her a hug and kisses her hard.
" let's go home." Derek smiled and they went home.