Merder

Broken Heart

MEREDITH POV:

Those words " so over." kept running through my head. I didn't want to believe it. Years and years of us fighting for each other and now suddenly no more. No more us. I don't think I will ever be happy again. I slid to the floor.
" Mer? What are you doing?" Alex asked trying to get me up.
" no just leave me alone. Go do what you gotta do and leave me here to die cause that's how I'm feeling."
" mer, you're not gonna die."
" without him I will."
" without who? McDreamy?"
" yeah without Derek I'm not gonna make it."
" yes you will it just takes some time."
" I don't have much time Alex."
" what does that mean?"
" who knows what's going to happen to me over the next few years. We never know what's going to happen. We thought all of us were going to make it through, walk out of here, survive this but we already lost two."
" we are going to make it though. Don't you understand mer. You, me, Cristina we're gonna walk out of her old and grumpy together."
" Cristina's leaving."
" what?"
" she's leaving. She found a job in Texas she's going to take it. She doesn't know I know and she won't. She'll tell us when she's happy."
" then there was two."
" yeah. We're the two that survived."
His pager went off and he looked at me.
" go. They need you."
" you're going to be okay?"
" yeah. I'll see you at home."
He kissed the top of my head and left. Then Cristina came around the corner.
" Mer? What are you doing?"
" dying."
" derek?"
" yeah."
" I'm sorry. You'll make it."
" no I won't. But you will."
" what do you mean?"
" you're leaving." She didn't say anything for a few seconds.
" how'd you know?"
" a letter came to Alex's house."
" yeah he said I could have the address as my mailing address."
" mm Owen?"
" what about him?"
" have you told him?"
" no... He doesn't know."
She got page to.
" go ahead go leave me like the rest of them." I giggled.
" you're gonna be okay Mer I promise."
" you're gonna make it I promise that."
She left. Then Amy showed up.
" Mer what are you doing on the floor?"
" sitting. Waiting. Dying."
" Derek?"
" part of it yeah."
" come on stand up."
" I don't wanna."
" but you have to. That's how you move on. That's how you keep going. You stand up you take your first steps and then you move on. Take the storm not full on but day by day." She reached out her hand to me.
" thanks Amelia." I hugged her.
" hey, I'm here for you and my wisdom is here for you too."
" oh really thanks." I giggled. We walked down to the cafeteria where everyone was eating lunch.
" hey look who it is!" Alex chirped
" hi guys."
" what's goin on?" Jo asked.
" nothing it's been quiet today."
" yeah it has." Cristina said
" how's the leg?" Jackson asked.
" better I think. Well it feels better. I have an appointment with Callie at the end of the day."
" yeah be there or be square." Callie said walking up behind me.
" oh I'll be there, do you think I can't this thing off today?"
" mer it's only been a month you've got a lot more to go."
I didn't say anything I just sat down.
" mer don't look now but..." April got caught off.
" Dr. Grey I was wondering if you would like to scrub in on a craniotomy this afternoon." Derek asked sitting in an empty chair.
" I have to check my schedule but I would love to if I can."
" good I'll page you when we're ready."
" mer you sure about this?" Arizona asked
" yeah I'll be fine. I'm gonna go get ready." I got up and walked away.