Merder

Finally Home

We were all in the hospital except Mer and cristina. Jackson and April have been watching the kids.
" dr.shepherd... " a nurse said
" please, I'm a patient call me derek."
" okay derek I have been informed to tell you that Mark and Lexie have woken up."
" how are they doing?"
" better would you like to see them?"
" yes please."
I got in a wheelchair an we ran into meredith in the hall.
" Derek what are you doing?"
" checking on mark and Lexie they're awake."
" okay I'll push him. Oh and I think arizona was trying to push the nurse button before and it wasn't working." She said to the nurse.
" okay thank you."
" derek!" Mark yelled.
" you idiot you kept trying to die on me."
" yeah I'm sorry about that." We shook hands and gave a hug.
" how's your hand?"
" bad. You?"
" better according to them."
" Lexie?"
" Mer? Have you heard?"
" a couple more surgeries an she'll be out of the woods."
We all sighed.
" how many for you?" I asked him
" two more and I can go home. You?"
" they said they can't do anything I'm stuck at 40% "
" do you think..." I cut him off.
" no.. Not at 40%." I did not have full control of my hand which meant no surgery.
" you should talk to Callie."
" everyone said give it time. I don't have time."
We sat there for a good hour. Then our pagers went off.
" it's from Callie" I said
" 911." Mer was looking at the pager.
" I'll go see what's going on." Jackson said.
April had brought the kids to see us. They were still a little nervous to come near me since I was hooked up to all these wires and Mer wasn't.
Jackson came running in.
" they're cutting off Arizona's leg!"
" what why?!" I asked
" too much infection she's gonna die if we don't."
" get me a wheelchair."
" Derek what are you doing." Mer said
" Avery get me a damn wheelchair!"
He rolled it in and I sat down.
" where are we going?"
" to the O.R. Callie is going to need some support if she's about to cut off her wife's leg."
They all realized what was about to happen. We all scrubbed in. Callie was upset.
" Derek what are you doing?!"
" listen, you are making the right decision Callie. This is just another patient on the table. You read through her charts, watched her vitals and now you decide its best for her. You can do this. You are the only one in this room that can do this. Now just breathe Callie you got this."
She began to get the leg ready. We were all on our toes ready to jump in if Callie broke down. Which she did. She cut of the leg and started to panick.
" Wilson get the mask off of me"
" what?"
" GET MY MASK OFF!" Wilson ran over and took the mask off her face and she puked.
I started to wheel but meredith stopped me.
" not yet." She said.
I stood up.
" there is never a good time."
I walked over to Callie and gave her a hug an led her to the attending lounge. Everyone followed.
" what did I do? What did I do?" She was repeating herself.
" Callie it's fine you did the right thing.
" NO. NO DEREK NO I DIDNT BECAUSE I PROMISED THAT WE WOULD DO EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER LEG AND I JUST WENT AND CUT OFF MY WIFES LEG! WHICH SHE NEEDS TO WALK SO NO EVERYTHING ISNT FINE SHES GONNA HATE ME!"
I held her so she stopped pacing.
" CALLIE STOP! SHE WAS DIEING! SHE WAS GOING TO DIE SO YEAH YOU DID SAVE HER LIFE YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE! SHES NOT GOING TO HATE YOU ITS OKAY."
She started to cry. We stood there as I held her as she was crying. Mark was wheeled in.
" I heard." He said
" Mark..." Callie said crying
" come her Callie."
" no you shouldn't be here I should be with you. You're hurt and you need taken care of not me I wasn't even there!"
" Callie stop! Come here you are not my doctor you are my best friend. The mother of our daughter. Just come here."
" Callie you are hurt. Everyone is. We are all affected here every single one of us. Whether we like it or not this happened. We need to get through it. We were hurt Callie and you were too. We need to push through the pain to make it to the other side."
She gave me a hug.
" thank you derek."
" your welcome "
We all went back to our separate rooms.
" so arizona is not talking to anyone." Mer said
" you went to see her?"
" yeah"
" get me the wheelchair."
I sat down and Mer rolled me to her room.
" arizona..." I began.
She didn't answer.
" Arizona i know you're upset and I know you are hurting everywhere in every way but we all are. We all are hurting but we are all pushing to survive. We are trying to make you survive. Everyone was hurt even if they weren't on that plane. Look at me, look at Mark, Lexie, Mer, cristina, look around you and see you aren't the only one trying to survive."
" she cut off my leg."
" you were dying."
" I DONT CARE DEREK SHE CUT OFF MY FRICKIN LEG I CANT WALK! I CANT DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE LEG! I ONLY HAVE ONE LEG SHE CUT IT OFF AFTER I TOLD HER NOT TO!"
" YOU WERE DYING! YOU WERE GONNA DIE. YOU NOT US YOU. EVERYONE WAS CLOSER TO BEING OUT OF THE WOODS BUT NOT YOU. WE WERE SAVING YOUR LIFE NOTHING IS WORSE THAN LOOSING YOUR LIFE ARIZONA EVEN IF IT IS A LEG! SHE DID THE RIGHT THING AND YOU KNOW IT! WE ARE ALL FACING OUR WORST NIGHTMARE YOU ARENT THE ONLY ONE! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US ARE TRYING TO MAKE IT AND WE ARENT LEAVING YOU BEHIND SO STOP COMPLAINING AND START BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE OR YOU WILL BE LEFT BEHIND. WE ALL ARE HURT AND WE ARE TRYING TO HEAL NOT HURT MORE." I yelled at her and then I left. Somebody had to tell her. The rest of the day we kept going between rooms until it was time for bed.
" do you want me to sleep here tonight?"
" it's okay I'm fine go home be with the kids." I knew she was scared I was too.
" I think I'll sleep here tonight."
" okay."
The kids were with jackson and April and everyone else's kids at or house. The ones who weren't hurt were helping out with the kids and with us. She started for the chair.
" no." I said as i moved over and patted the bed. She came over and lied next to me.
" that's better" I said with a smile
" derek?"
" yeah?" I said stroking her hair.
" I'm scared."
" I know I am too." I kissed her head
" I love you."
" I love you too."