Merder

Weird feeling

Mer woke up and we both rolled out of bed.
" you've got that swollen mystery stomach today right?" I asked
" yeah I don't know how that is going to go."
" why?" I asked wrapping my arms around her waist and putting my chin on her shoulder.
" I don't know I just have a bad feeling about today."
" okay well the last time you said that I got shot. Do you want to stay home?"
" no I just don't know derek I have this feeling."
" it will go away."
"promise."
" I promise." I kissed her and we get the kids ready. When we got to the hospital everybody was standing around by the stairs.
" what's going on?" Mer asked alex. "something about a plane went down and they need us to go and bring them back."
" as you all may or may not know there was a crash about 4 hours away from here by plane. It left and got caught in a tree and now we are being told there are some survivors. Nobody get your hopes up because we don't know how many. So the board has chosen the following to get on the plane. Derek Shepherd, Meredith Grey, Alex Karev, Mark Sloan, Lexie Grey, and Cristina Yang. You will all be leaving around 7:00 tonight. The kids will be taken care of by the people that you put down in your files." Owen said
" What if you can't go?" Alex asked
" why can't you go Karev."
" he's right he can't go." Arizona said.
" I have a mom giving birth today and the baby needs more than a couple hours of watching not one resident would be able to look over this child and know what to do if anything went wrong."
" yes I read that case and you're right I need someone to go replace Karev's seat."
" I'll go." Arizona said
" you sure?"
" yes."
" okay well you will all be staying over night so during lunch go home and pack a bag. Be on time. Okay get back to work."
" who do we want to take care of our three kids?" Mer asked
" we'll see whoever is here and tell them all to hang out at our house for the night."
" okay I'll see you later and oh I'll go home to pick up our clothes love you." " "love you too." I could tell she still didn't feel right that feeling hadn't went away.
"Karev!" I yelled
" what's up?"
" keep an eye on meredith she said she had a weird feeling this morning.
" oh no."
" what?"
" the last time ..."
" I know but don't mention it. Just watch her okay?"
" you got it."
" I have surgery so keep me posted."
" no problem." I headed to surgery with Mark and Jackson.
" so are you two ready?" Jackson asked
" why wouldn't we be?"
" you don't know how long those people got when you get there."
" well obviously they are fine right now or we would be on a plane."
" derek you seem tense."
" Mark shut up I'm not."
" he is but I get it." Jackson said
" we are doing a surgery our main focus should be on this patient so shut up and stop talking." Nobody said a thing. I was nervous now I was getting a weird feeling. It was the feeling of what would happen to the kids if we were gone? I paged meredith. She said it before I could.
" we need to update our will." We called our lawyer.
" okay guys you are all set but nothing is going to happen you will be fine." Mer and I were squeezing each others hands.
" I hope so" Mer said looking down. We got paged to meet in the hospital where we said goodbye to everybody.
" you will be fine." Owen said to Mer. I think everybody knew she had a feeling.
" derek!" Karev was waving me towards him.
" what's up?"
" so I talked to Mer but she kinda shut me out she said she didn't know if she was ready?"
" ready for what?"
" I don't know."
" go find out Karev!"

Meredith POV:

This feeling in my stomach was killing me. Alex tried to calm me down before but it didn't work. What am I supposed to do.
" Mer!" It was Alex
" what Alex."
" are you okay?"
" I'm fine."
" no Mer you need to tell me what is going on what aren't you ready for?"
" everything! I thought I was ready to be a mom and have kids but I never thought three and now I don't know if I'm ready to leave my kids because I don't know what's gonna happen out there."Alex looked strange.
" what?" He pointed behind me. Derek was just staring at me with tears in his eyes.
" derek..." I sighed

Derek POV:

Why did she marry me if this is how she felt? Why did she agree to have kids with me? Does she still love them? Does she regret them? Does she still love me? Does she regret me? She was still screaming my name as I headed down the hall. The whole crowd was following.
" DEREK! STOP!"
I turned around.
" WHAT MEREDITH!"
" that's not what I meant!"
" oh then please tell me what you meant!"
She didn't answer so I continued.
" PLEASE MER TELL ME WAS THIS WEIRD FEELING THIS MORNING THE FACT THAT YOU AND I WERE GONNA BREAK UP? OR IS IT THAT FACT THAT YOU WERE GONNA TELL THE WHOLE HOSPITAL YOU DONT LOVE OUR KIDS ANYMORE! DO YOU LOVE THEM ANYMORE? DO YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?"
She didn't answer she just sat there with tears in her eyes.
" why am I still standing here? Owen get me on the plane. We gotta go save lives worth saving cause according to her there is nothing to save." I continued. No one stayed with meredith which I felt bad about but she did this.
" DEREK!" Everybody was yelling.
" Derek come on you know she didn't mean it that way." Alex said grabbing my arm.
" than how did she mean it Alex tell me."
" I can't I'm sorry."
" mmhmm"
Callie came up to me " Derek you sure you still want to do this?"
" I have to."
" Derek if you're not okay you don't have to go you can go home sort things out with Meredith." Owen said
" that's just the thing Owen there is nothing to sort out she made herself perfectly clear." She walked into the lounge where we all were.
" right meredith?"
" Derek..."
" exactly." She grabbed my arm.
" don't touch me." I said as I pushed away. I crabbed Zola, Bailey, and Olivia and handed them to April and Jackson before I got in the car with everyone else.
" okay so daddy will be back tomorrow so be good for your aunt and uncle." I gave them kisses and hugs and saw meredith going towards them.
" don't take another step toward my kids."
" Derek I gave birth to them."
" yeah well when you say what you said you have no right anymore."
" Mer just get in the car." Owen said
" but..."
" GET IN THE CAR MER!" Alex yelled obviously pissed.
We all climbed in.
" Derek can we talk?"
" no." And I continued my conversations with Arizona.
" Arizona please." She said
" sorry meredith I can't help you here."
" Lexie?"
" no Mer you're on your own."
" Mark?"
" you hurt the closest thing I have to a brother so no."
" cristina? You're my person."
" you also said derek was your person"
We headed to the private airport and when we arrived we piled into a jet. I wanted this ride to be over with just like I wanted this argument to be over with her.