"Options... I've ran out of Options..." (Book 3)

Chapter 2 - "Bad Day..."

Just a quick warning... sorry in a advance - I couldn't physically change the story line to fit so it has to go in this order... Stick with it - it gets less sad soon.

- - -

Chapter 2 - "Bad Day..."

October 2nd 2020

Clara's PoV

I should never have ignored the pain. I should have gone to The Hospital when John suggested it but we all know I'm a bit of a stubborn cow.

I still remember the words piercing a hole in my chest.

'I'm so sorry to have to tell you Clara that your baby died a few weeks ago'

It was like being stabbed in the chest. It was like being stabbed over and over again. It's not like I haven't had kids before - so the reasons for it were just unexplainable.

'Clara how many times have I told you this week to just go to the hospital? I knew this would happen' John scoffed as he stormed into the hospital room and saw how pale white my face had gone.

He didn't know. He never knows. He has to be prompted in these things.

'What's wrong with her?' John mumbled calming down a little as he got closer to me and saw the tears streaming down my face.

I felt like I couldn't breathe. Which was the truth because I really couldn't.

'Okay Clara. Calm down. It's just a panic attack' the Doctor - Katie her name was. Lovely name for a woman in her late 30's. She reminded me of Lilly a lot actually which is why I took such a likening to her - said to me. 'Just take nice deep breaths' she encouraged as an oxygen mask was on my face within the minute.

'What's wrong with her?'

'Looks like appendicitis. Her appendix has ruptured. 'Lets get her to theatre now' she yelled over everyone as needles were inserted into my hands and arms. I distinctly remember the metal handle bars at the side of the bed going up and me being rushed away from the room.

The only piercing words I remember coming from John's mouth was concerns about the baby that was no more.

'She'll be okay Mr Smith' Katie assured him but she was talking about me - because there's no way she could have been talking abut our daughter.

- - -

'Can someone take Mr Smith to the relatives room please?' Katie demanded as John was stood mouth agape at everything.

He had ignored the phone call that morning from Clara because he was in a meeting but now he regretted it so much.

He should have been there for her when she needed him. It just reminded him so much of Lucie and how at several points he just wasn't there for her.

'Mr Smith' a small woman said but he immediately recognised the woman as Clara's midwife.

She was the nice lady they had seen 3 weeks ago at the 13 week scan. She had let all the kids come in and see the ultrasound which was really nice considering there's 4 of them.

'Yeah. Lovely seeing you again Laura' he smiled, but he wouldn't be smiling for much longer.

'Your the father of Clara's child correct?'

'Yes. Of course I am' John mumbled but it wouldn't be the first time he'd had doubts. This time however he was pretty sure he was the father. He didn't want to be going through all that again. 'What's wrong with Clara?'

'Ah. She has appendicitis. Treatable. She'll be just fine from it. They'll remove her appendix now and she'll recover from that in a few days'

'And that's safe whilst she's pregnant?' John asked. He'd heard loads of stories about people with a minor setback. All John could think was that the child would be born early. And that wasn't too much of a problem seeing as all 4 of his kids had been born early.

'It would have been safe yes. It wouldn't have made any difference to the state of the baby but unfortunately Mr Smith I have to tell you that we ran an ultrasound on your girlfriend this morning and it wasn't good news'

'Fiancé. She's my fiancé' John protested not really taking into account what she was saying.

'John. The baby died about a week ago from what we can tell. Clara has had a miscarriage and by the looks of things has been in one for a long time. The two things aren't connected. The only difference is that because she came in today we have caught it' she explained. 'I'm so sorry' she said as it settled in John's mind.

'Miscarriage? How! How is that even possible?' John scoffed loudly getting angry at his lack of explanation to the whole thing. 'How is that possible without her knowing?'

'Unfortunately we won't know until we deliver the baby. It's something that will have to be done and found out in a post mortem. These things are horrible John but right now you need to be there for your fiancée. You need to help her through this. Especially when she wakes up from this operation and finds her baby gone' she explained.

'What? She's miscarried. What are you talking about gone?'

'The baby is 16 and a half weeks develops John. It has to be born because it has limbs. It has a gender' she explained leaving John more than mortified at the whole situation.

He wanted to cry but he couldn't find the tears to come out of him. He wanted to be angry but he couldn't find the energy to move. He wanted nothing more than to wrap Clara up and make all this better but it wasn't going to go away.

- - -

The hardest part to John was having to stand in the theatre and watch his baby be born.

She was so beautiful - even if she was only very, very tiny.

They offered John to hold her but he couldn't bring himself to do that. She was too small and fragile.

He stood in hope that something might happen. That suddenly he might hear the sound of her tiny lungs kick in. That he might hear her cry... But it didn't come.

This was where he cried. He couldn't help but let a few tears escape his eyes as he watched his little girl all limp and tiny not taking a breath.

- - -

'When can she be discharged?' I heard John mumbled as I started to wake up from my daze.

'A few days. We want to ensure that there's no infection and minimise any other problems' someone explained to him.

As I started to come around a little more things started to unravel and make more sense. I knew I had had my appendix removed but I also felt very light in a way that I didn't want to feel and if dawned on me that my baby was gone.

'Where's my baby? What's going on? Where's she gone?' I yelled sitting up a lot quicker than I had planned. It hurt like Fuck I had to admit but as I did so John was there calming me down.

'Shush. It's okay' he whispered.

'It's not okay. She's gone John. Where's she gone?' I cried knowing the answer without even having to be told. She was gone - gone from inside me and gone from my life.

'It's going to be okay' he assured. He took me in his arms and cradled me gently.

He let me cry. And he cried too. It was horrible. Awful. But there was nothing that either of us could do. She was gone.

Our little girl was gone.