"Options... I've ran out of Options..." (Book 3)

Chapter 26 - "Periods and Disapointments..."

Chapter 26 - "Periods and Disapointments..."

Clara's PoV

'John...'

'Hmm?'

'Are you ready to go bowling?' I hummed.

'Yep. Let me just tuck the little ones in' he said going to tuck in Poppy and Henry. Evie had decided she wanted to spend the night with Richard - and he couldn't say no so he ended up having to say no to the date.

He had made a promise weeks ago to take Avia and Evie trick or treating so in the end he got stuck with that.

Once the little ones were all tucked in, John joined me in the car where he agreed he was driving, and we headed towards the bowling alley.

'I ca not believe how tiny your feet are. Your almost 35' he chuckled.

'At least I'm almost 35. You are 35' I scoffed.

'True' he laughed taking my hand as he held his drink and led us towards our lane.

'Do you want a funny name?'

'Like?'

'Hmm... How about johnosaurous Rex?'

'That's not really a nick name is it? I mean if we're playing that game then you can be neat freak'

'Deal' I hummed, sitting down at the lane. I didn't feel all that well if I was honest. I mean I hadn't felt all that well for days if I was being really serious - but I didn't want to ruin date night. We don't have date night very often anymore.

We still won't get to have sex because there will be a child in our bed already when we get home or there will soon be a child in our bed.

That's one thing that I can't wait for the honeymoon for. Sex every night without disturbances.

'You okay?'

'Yeah just hungry. Need food before we start bowling' I hummed.

'Why don't we order some nachos and a couple of drinks?' He grinned, grabbing the menu and heading up to the bar. I trusted him to choose something nice - so I let him go.

I just sighed and clutched my stomach knowing what was coming next and wondered if I had any tampons on me or if I should buy some?

I knew the date was lingering and didn't want it to ruin date night for his birthday but it certainly has.

'I need to go to a boots on the way home' I sighed as I popped some paracetamol knowing that I had just enough tampons in my organised little bag.

'Again?' He scoffed in a mood with me. Like it's my fault that I had a period. I don't want to get into the ins and outs of the last few months but I'm sure you can imagine.

After the engagement party it had taken me a month or so to come around to the idea of another baby.

I just wasn't sure I wanted to be pregnant again to have to face the idea of losing another baby. I would walk around for months panicking that I wouldn't make it to 5 months and if I did make to to 5 months I'd spend the following 4 months crying about it and still worrying about getting the poor thing to it's due date.

It was march when I finally agreed to come off the pill. After weeks of hassle and begging I had agreed and come round to the idea that maybe another baby wouldn't be such a bad idea?

With all the kids growing up and the youngest even being almost three - none of them were babies anymore and that depressed John greatly.

Either way it had been six months that I had been off the pill now and 6 more periods with little to no difference.

I maintain that it's because I'm a lot older now than I was the last time I was pregnant before Lissy. It was 5 years ago. I was only 30 back then.

'I know' I sighed.

The game that followed was peaceful and quite enjoyable. He won. But that was pretty much to be expected. He was winning because he was much taller than me which meant he had longer arms which meant that he could throw the ball a little further into the lane than I could.

'Your not doing it on purpose? Your not on the pill still even though you agreed that you would come off?' He asked which I thought was a joke but it turned out he was being deadly serious.

Which was where John's birthday took a pretty bad turn for the worse. It was a good job the game of bowling was over at this point otherwise he most certainly would have a bloody bowling bowl squashing his Fucking toes.

'You are kidding right? You think I would be that deceitful?' I scoffed storming towards the car in the car park.

'Don't take it the wrong way? It was just a question' he mumbled.

'A really frustrating one. No I am not secretly taking the contraceptive pill everyday even though we agreed that we would come off of it. How would that even be a good idea? You would realise eventually' I snapped.

'Well you haven't been pregnant yet. We've been having unprotected sex for the last 6 months and nothing's happened. We've got a terrible track record of one slip and it all goes wrong' he scoffed back.

'Well maybe it's not as easy as you think? I've had a miscarriage John. Perhaps my body just isn't ready to conceive again yet? Did you ever think of that?' I yelled slamming the car door again and unlocking the front door.

I walked straight in and slammed it in his face, before storming up the stairs and straight towards my bed. If he had any common sense - he'd come nowhere near this room tonight.

'Go. Away' I threatened as Lilly walked in. 'Oh. It's you?' I hummed as she approached me on the bed and gave me a hug. I wondered if she knew but of course she knew.

She always knew.