"Options... I've ran out of Options..." (Book 3)

Chapter 31 - "Calming Mechnism..."

Chapter 31 - "Calming Mechnism..."

Clara's PoV

'You must have a coping mechanism? There has to be something?' Richard said as he tried to get the boys to sit down as he crouched down to look at John even though it was pitch black.

'Clara. Clara's my coping mechanism' he breathed trying to control his breathing before it hit full panic and total freak out mode.

'Well it's a good thing she's on the way'

'You disturbed her?'

'You need her' Richard scoffed as if it was obvious but John doesn't see it that way and Richard knew that.

'I-- I just need to get out of this Fucking claustrophobic death trap' John yelled as he yelled so loud he was frightening the boys.

'Dude I understand the panic attack but please stop with the swearing' Richard begged.

'Why is daddy shouting?' Henry asked confused and upset just as much pulling on Richards trousers.

'He's just scared that's all. Daddy will be okay' Richard tried to assure him, as thankfully the lift jolted with movement. 'Sometimes adults get scared too' he explained.

When the lift started movement Richard let out a real sigh of relief. This guy was his best friend and he didn't know what to do with him.

He had no idea how to control the panic or anxieties.

John said all those years again that what attracted him to Clara was the fact that she was a bit of a control freak and always had to be in control but in all seriousness perhaps he was just trying to cover up for himself?

If anything else John is the one that needs to be in control otherwise he gets quite anxious.

The back up generators came on and kicked into action which meant that Richard could now see John's face and it was quite a mess.

He was a wreck. But he was calming down a little. Of course he needed his calming mechanism really - and that was definitely Clara.

As soon as the lift doors opened both boys ran straight out with Richard running after them leaving just John in the lift.

Richard had made sure that Clara would be there and that he could get out of the way quickly with the boys.

Henry did not need to see his Dad in such a state.

Thankfully Clara was already at the bottom and pushed past everyone and straight to John who was in full freak out/panic mode.

'Hey. Hey what's all this about? Hey calm down' I hummed sitting just in front of him in the lift and crouching down.

Priority number one was getting him out of the lift really. There was no point keeping him in the lift to calm him down for something to go wrong and for the lift to malfunction again sending them into a complete repeat.

'I-- I can't breathe' he painted breathing in and out very deeply.

'Hey. Look at me. Look me in the eyes John' I said which was a defiance mechanism I had found worked well with Evie and it worked with me when I suffered so for a chronic suffered I figured we should just see what happens.

He doesn't like small spaces. That's apart of it.

He always had suffered with claustrophobia - it's just obviously recently that things have changed.

'Come on. Just stay with me here. Just focus on me' I hummed as his breathing started to calm after a few more minutes and after those few minutes I managed to get him to at least shift from the lift to out in the hall.

- - -

'How you feeling?' I asked as I got him back to his room and he was currently sitting with his head on my chest focusing on my breathing.

'Fine' he mumbled.

'You don't sound very fine?'

'I'm just tired now that's all' he grumbled with his eyes shut. 'I'm sorry for ruining your evening'

'Do you think that you could have calmed down if I hadn't come?' I asked just out of interest.

'I don't know. I used too. But now it's just easier when your around. Your just more calming than anyone else' he sighed. 'Anyway. You'd better go. You've got things to do. Go and be girly with the girls' he instructed.

'I don't want to leave you like this?' I said as the hotel door opened to reveal the boys excitedly and I chuckled as Henry run at me.

'Mummy Clara. Uncle Richard just boughted ice cream. We had a chocolate one' he said happily jumping on my lap with his cheeky John grin.

He flipped his hair so that it was a little quiff just like his Dad's.

'Hey little man. I'm glad your enjoying yourself' I laughed ruffling his hair and then stood up. 'I'll see you all tomorrow. Be good' I instructed kissing Henry on the forehead and then pecking John on he lips who was ready for bed.

The only thing is when he has an anxiety/panic attack he gets so exhausted that sleeping is the only thing he generally wants to do for days.

- - -

After calming John down outside the lift - I went back to my hotel room on the other side of the town.

I explained things to Lilly and she totally understood but I could not stop worrying about John.

He hadn't had a panic attack that bad since after Lissy died - and even then he kept it all too himself so instead of having a small one he had a major breakdown.

That was what prompted his psychiatrist to put him back on the tablets again to level out his mood.

I hate seeing him in such a state and when he's in that state he thinks about things and changes his mind. I really didn't want that to happen.

'Do you think he's alright?'

'I've spoken to Richard and he's fine. He is asleep like a baby. He'll be fine Clara' she said assuringly but I wasn't so sure. What if this anxiety made him have second thoughts.