"Options... I've ran out of Options..." (Book 3)

Chapter 13 - "Balloons..."

Chapter 13 - "Balloons..."

Clara's PoV

'What's this idea then?' I hummed as we stood in the basement.

'This' he said as I raised an eyebrow at the balloons that were tied to the back of the double bed in the spare room.

'What are these?'

'Its a little memorial fun thing? I figured that maybe we could let off a balloon each in memory of her. Since it's been a year since she left us? I think it'll be beneficial for everyone' John said as I thought about it, when Ollie grabbed one of the balloons.

'Oi monster. Get off the balloons' I chuckled picking him up and hugging him close, before he tried to squirm away.

He is so energetic I don't know where he gets it from.

'What do you think?' John asked with a hopeful face at his idea. It did seem like a good idea I had to admit.

'Yeah okay. Sounds like a good idea' I hummed, as he untied them all and ran up the stairs with them - me and Henry just behind.

- - -

'Daddy it's dark now. It's like bedtime' Avia moaned as I had gotten Henry dressed in his spider man pyjamas and Poppy in her my little pony ones and then we all gathered in the garden everyone in their coats and hat.

'I know but this is the best time to do it. I figured that we could all let a balloon off into the sky to remember your little sister who would have been one today' John explained.

'But she won't see them. She was a baby' Evie mumbled.

'But she is still your little sister. And I'm sure she'd love to know that we're thinking about her. Mummy and I have written little notes. It's up to you guys if you want to write a note, draw a picture or just leave it plain' he said.

'I don't know what I would want to say?' Evie said but aimed it at me because she was still not talking to John.

Richard was in the kitchen waiting for all this to be over so that he could take her back with him.

'Well it could say happy birthday. Or you could say something nice. It doesn't have to be sad' I said knowing that these were all things and coping mechanisms that John had learnt at the group - because I had learnt the same thing.

I watched all of them pick out their balloon - some of which were interesting to their choices - but I didn't fight it. I let them draw on the balloon and let them write whatever they wanted on the pieces of paper.

'Daddy. I've chosen a pink balloon' Poppy said as she lifted her arms for him to pick her up.

He chuckled and untied the weight off the balloon and handed it to her. 'All you have to do is let go' he instructed as she held on tight to it then squeezed her eyes shut like she was either making a wish or constipated.

I hope it's not the latter.

'There. Now Lissy will be able to see my drawing. I think we would have had the same favourite book' she said proudly squirming out of John's arms and ran to help Evie with hers.

It was a frosty silence between John and Evie. He was pacing up and down now not sure if he should go and talk to her or not.

'I'm going now Mummy. Dad said that he has made me spaghetti' Evie said as she wrapped her arms around my waist and I kissed her forehead.

It made me sad every time she left and it was even worse the stupid Puppy dog eyes that John gave me for hours afterwards.

'Bye sweetheart. Don't forget our hair appointment in a few days' I said, as she nodded and left.

- - -

'Why did you make fun of me going to the bereavement group? I mean you were going as well and you made fun of it this morning' I mumbled offended, as John stripped his shirt off and sat on the bed.

'I don't know. I guess I was just embarrassed about going. I dunno why' he said not making eye contact with me.

'I do understand you know? Why you didn't want me to know'

'You do?'

'Hmm. I wanted your support but you like to do things on your own. And with the whole anxiety thing - you like to have your own space... I get that' I hummed, undoing my shirt and letting it flow on my shoulders before rooting around under the pillow for my bed hoodie.

'I don't want to go to the counselling with you. It helps with more than just loosing Lissy. I need your help Clara but you can't help me with this. You can't help me get over a problem that we both have' he pointed out and I knew he was right.

I nodded in approval and acceptance of what he was telling me as I tidied up the bed and John caught his hand in my wrist - holding me still.

'You really don't need pyjamas' he smirked.

'Is that why your topless? Trying to get me onside are you?' I chuckled sitting on the bed and leant up to peck him on the cheek.

'Is that it? One measly cheek kiss? I just offered you sex and my response is a kiss?' He scoffed unbuckling his belt and climbing into the bed.

'I never said that did I? You just assumed. But I'm still pissed. Even if I don't act it' I said rolling my eyes and kissed him properly this time before sitting on top of him in a straddle.

- - -

'What's wrong?' I asked 35 minutes later as he shielded what was left of his dignity under a very thin white bed sheet whilst I sifted around for some clothes then climbed into the big gap he had left clearly for me to snuggle and cuddle up into.

'Do you think Evie will ever come Home? I just can't stop thinking about how she's ruling the roost'

'Should o be slightly concerned that your thinking about your 9 year old daughter after having sex?' I hummed closing my eyes.

Evie would get bored eventually. She'll miss everyone too much and come back. It's just about waiting it out now.

I had just shut my eyes and stopped sweating - all comfy - when there was the sound of the door creaking open. 'What do you want?'