"Options... I've ran out of Options..." (Book 3)

Chapter 98 - "Debate..."

Chapter 98- "Debate..."

Clara's PoV

'I've had enough of this John? What the hell was you thinking this time? It's a good Fucking job she doesn't know you walked away because she hates you enough as it is' I snapped as I slammed the bedroom door on leaving just the two of us.

I just did not need this stress right now.

'Why are you shouting? I had to go and think' he growled getting very anxious all of a sudden.

I could tell by the way he was gasping for deep breaths and fidgeting on the bed but I didn't think anything of it really fit the moment.

Instead I just kept shouting at him.

'I'm 14 weeks pregnant John. I've now got two kids in the hospital and you very soon if you don't sort things or yourself out! This is insanity. I've got too much to be stressing or worrying about than you going all crazy and getting ready to throw yourself off a building' I snapped as he looked at me.

'I'm going through exactly the same thing you are'

'Oh really? Have you got another Fucking kid o didn't even want growing inside of you?' I scoffed.

'Are you going to keep throwing that one up for the whole pregnancy because if you so desperate to get rid of it then go ahead. All you care about is yourself... but then again you probably can't. You can't afford it - in the one that pays everything in this Fucking house'

'Is that what you think?'

'I only think it because it's bloody true. I pay the mortgage and the bills and the health insurance and any school trips - I'm even paying for you to go on a school trip. The only thing you pay for in this house is the wifi and you love to bring that one up' John snapped.

He had stumped me on that one indeed.

He did pay all the bills. He was right in what he was saying because I pay for pretty much nothing.

He started walking and pacing the room obviously in discontent and started looking like he might hyperventilate.

I had thought that all of this had stopped. I thought he was better but it turns out I was the naive one... these things never just go away.

'You think I want this? Do you think I want to feel this way? You think I want to be Fucking psycho. I wanted to yelp my daughter Clara but I couldn't. I don't know why - I just couldn't. I'm sorry' John said standing up and wandering towards I bathroom.

Before I had a chance to run after him he had locked himself in. And I know exactly what he could get up to in there.

Absolutely anything.

- - -

'John please open the door... otherwise I'll go and get a screwdriver and force my way in' I begged.

I knew he was thinking he'd like to see me try. I'm terrible at DIY and that's not a sexist thing im just terrible with tools.

It's a good thing John's not into any kinky 50 shades of grey shit because I'm terrible with ropes as well as tools.

'John I'm sorry okay. I'd rather you have a panic attack out here with me where I can help rather than you be in there on your own' I begged as there was still silence from the other side.

He obviously wasn't talking to me at all right now but I did hear the click of the bolt being slid across on the bathroom door so I just figured that was the clarification I needed to open the door and go in.

So I did exactly that.

He had the panic attack. That was for sure. I could tell by the blotches of red on his face and the way his green eyes had gone all puffy. But he was sat on the side of the bath just waiting and looking at the walls.

I gently and slowly went on the room and shut the bathroom door cautiously and carefully as not to startle him.

'I'm sorry John' I started.

'I haven't hurt myself' he said like a kid suddenly pointing it out. It was what I was thinking... I mean he could have gotten up to and manor of things in here on his own.

But it wasn't my primary concern. Just being with him was my primary concern.

'John you need some sleep. Some proper sleep. Just come to bed' I suggested.

It would all blow over if he just had a good 12 hour sleep to completely and properly refresh himself.

'Sleep isn't the answer' he scoffed.

'I promise you sleep is. You have hardly slept in days'

'Because I can't Fucking sleep. It's impossible. All I do when I shut my eyes is think up awful things that make me feel even more anxious which doesn't help me sleep at all.' He scoffed.

'What if we made you sleep?' I suggested.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm completely not in the mood for sex and it's totally the wrong kind of moment for it - but something about it opens a deeper connection between the two of us and it helps him relax.

I would do anything at this point to help him sleep.

'Your not drugging me. I'm not taking any more drugs' he mumbled.

'Not drugs. Just me. I promise' I assured him, holding out a hand to help him up off the side of the bath.

It was like time I visited him in the hospital and he panicked then we had sex and he calmed right down.

Something about him wasn't completely in it.

His movements weren't quite the same, his breathing was much different and his kissing was a lot sloppier but he was there with me.

It had the desired result as well because before long (about 10 minutes) he was zonked out sound asleep in the bed and breathing a dreamless sleep.

I figured we could address everything in the morning in the light of day so I just snuggled up next to him to insure that he didn't wake up and went to sleep myself.