Let This One Go

Eighty Eight;

"Thanks for coming by." I hold Harry's hand as we walk through the house to get to the front door.

He shrugs. "Eh, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than read your diary about your steps into becoming a woman."

"Stop bringing that up." I swat his chest, his laughter rings through my ears as he catches my wrist and pulls me against him.

His eyes flicker from my eyes and to my lips repeatedly.

"I'm going to drive you to Miami," He says. I furrow my eyebrows and as soon as I open my mouth, he answers my unasked question. "When you have to leave the two of us will go down to Miami together."

"Wait, so are you moving-"

"No, I told you that." He says harshly. My cheeks redden and I stare down at my feet feeling embarassed that I had gotten.my hopes up.

"Sorey, uhm...my dad was going to drive me."

"But I want to take you there."

"I'll ask him and see what he says but I'm not sure if I exactly want to. He wanted the three of us to drive down to Miami and say our goodbyes there, you know?"

"Please?" He urges on. "What about us? I can't say goodbye to you in Georgia, I want to be there."

Goodbye...there are two different goodbyes and my only question is which one will it be for us?

"Again, I'll ask."

"Fine." He leans down and kisses me. "Come by Zayn's shop later tonight, he wants to show us something."

"Will Jen and Liam be there?" I ask hopefully.

I barely even had any luck with Liam as well, I don't even know how he feels about me with all of this chaos but since I haven't heard anything from him, it can't be good.

"I don't know, maybe. I know you want to make things right and all, but you gotta give Jen space here. What happened was really fucked up and I think she'd want some time." He advises me.

I hang my head and shame. "I'm just trying to make things right, when Jen hates a person...she'll hate them for the rest of her life. I don't want that to he me."

"She doesn't hate-"

"I told a guy I barely knew about her personal life and he completely went against me and told her parents who or mailed it to him or whatever."

He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me against him. "It's going to be okay, just give it time."

Harry, I'm running out of time.

With one last kiss and a mumble of goodbyes, he walks out of the door. I breathe heavily and run my fingers through my hair, for some reason I had the urge to cry.

These days were not counting down like I wanted it to, if I had any power in yhe world than I'd choose the abiliyy to frreze time, reverse it. pause it, and even fast forward. But this isn't a comjc book and I'm no superhero. An apology won't fix this and there's no doubt that Jen won't open her arms and say, "I trust you again."

I go upstairs and stare at my suitcase and then my room, I'm gonna have to leave a lot of stuff behind but I still have a little longer to worry about that. So instead of continuing my packing and finding old things, I sit down on the floor and rest my back against the bed.

I know that if I read these pages again, I'd either laugh, cry, or shake my head in utter embarassment. But it'll be worth it. When I had this journal, it seemed to be the good old days. Despite some tragic events.