Let This One Go

Ninety Three;

Why won't this stupid thing close? I grit my teeth and push down on the pile of clothes to get it all to fit inside the suitcase. After a few grunts and groans of frustration and using unnecessary strength I finally got the damn bag closed.

I gaze around my room to see if I had missed anything, but I didn't. I haf almost everything I needed to pack.

"Oh." I knit my eyebrows together looking above my doorway to see the picture framed in red of Zayn, Jen, and I.

With an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I reach up and grab it opening the back of the frame and pulling out the picture.

I smile faintly and find myself thanking the person who was generous and creative enough to think of pictures. Without picture how else will we remember the moments that made us happy? How else will I remember how the three of us used to be before this stupid summer happened?

I sniff back my tears before walking over to one of my suitcases and managed to stick it in there. I stuffed my suitcases and duffel bag into my closet and lean my back against the door.

I was tired, I've been finishing up my packing since I got up out of bed this morning. Yesterday after the embarassing confrontation and horrible break up of Harry and I, I came to my room and cried of course. Eventually, I fell asleep wishing it was all a dream, wishing that my father didn't betray me and typed up a fake letter. But when I woke up, I still had the acceptance letter by my side making yesterday's events real.

I still wasn't happy or excited about that, I'm still trying to find my head in all of this. All I know is, I'm going to New York. I'm leaving behind awful memories as well as mistakes and it will take a while for me to forgive myself and the people around me.

If I could talk to Jen and tell her face to face how horrible of a friend I am for doing this to her and I don't deserve her friendship, I'll do it but she's gone.

And if I could go up to Zayn's shop and fix everything myself and buy new instruments and tell him I'm sorry, I'll do it but he hates me.

"I'm such an idiot." I curse myself out loud.

I should've known Veronica would never leave this town without making my life miserable one last time, I thought my fall off the diving board was her deed. But apparently, she wasn't satisfied with my physical embarrassment so she decided to toy with my emotions, my family, my friends, and Harry as well.

When I go to New York who can I call? It's either I hate everyone or everyone hates me. Who can I call on the phone and tell them all about the tall buildings, the people, and the school?

I'm going with nothing but a suitcase.

Well there are a couple of people I suppose that I can keep in touch with Charlie and Ana. That is if Ethan or Veronica didn't trash the library like they did to Zayn's shop.

I reviewed the letter and the website of Juilliard on my laptop, I have to stay in a dorm room for my first year and when I get to the school I'll find out who I'll be rooming with as well as the dorm room I'll be assigned to. All the website said was be prepared with a twin sized comforter set, a televison (optional), and personal items.

I'm not ready to meet new people, but I have no choice but to get along with this girl I'll live with for a whole year. Fingers crossed I won't ruin her life too.

I take in a deep breath before pulling the door to my room opened and making my way downstairs. When I peered inside the kitchen, I saw my father sitting down at one of the stools staring in to space. I had a feeling he'd wait for me to come down.

I can't tell if he feels guilty or if he's still holding on to his pride.

I walk in to the kitchen not bothering to tell him good morning and find a cup and pull out a gallon of apple juice.