Let This One Go

Ninety Seven;

When the fifteenth arrived, I found myself walking towards a front door with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. As far as I was concerned anything can go, but I doubt this conversation will go the way I plan it to.

I may have been pacing the front porch and biting down on my fingernails for half an hour trying to decipher what to say to him. Where should I start? What should I end it with? I only hope and pray that I will get somethinf decent and walk away with a bit of satisfaction.

I take a deep breath before bringing my fist up and knocking against the door three times. As I waited, I shuffle back and forth on my feet as moments passed, but the door was still never opened.

"Come on Zayn..." I sigh.

As if he heard me, the door finally opens. Zayn stands there with his hair tosseled in different directions and his shirt wrinkled, like he had just been laying down. He looks at me with no little to no interest, a look that I have never been experienced with before. Not from him.

"Hey." He speaks causally nodding his head.

Thats a good sign, right? Jen didn't even open her door for me when I knocked on her door.

"Hey, uhm...how are you?"

He opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. "Fine."

"Have you heard from Jen by any chance?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah, she's okay. Her and Liam found an apartment together a few miles off campus and her classes already started, she says she likes everything so far."

"That's good." I smile hoping he would too, but he doesn't join in and keeps his serious composure.

"Well if that's all you wanted, then...bye." He speaks slowly before going to close the door.

"I'm leaving." I say quietly when the door was inches away from being shut. He pulls the door back open and looks at me curiously. "I'll be leaving town soon, so I thought I'd come here to tell you goodbye."

"Oh."

I nod. "I know you hate me, but trust me I hate myself more than anybody. But I don't want to leave this town without saying goodbye to you the right way, whether we're on good terms or not. I wasn't given a chance to with Jen, but I have one with you."

He sighs heavily and steps outside on to the porch closing the door behind him and stands in front of me. "Chloe, I love you. I love my mother, I love my grandmother, and maybe in a few years from now I'll find a girl and love her as well, but you Chloe...there's not any woman in the world that I can love the way I love you. And what you did...it fucking sucks and...I don't know how to wrap my head around it. That shop was the key to my entire future."

"Zayn, I should have never trusted Ethan so easily like that and I'm sorry. I know it's not enough but-"

"Shh." He steps closer and kisses my forehead. "I may not ever know where you'll be or what you'll do, but whatever happens you'll be great."

"Zayn..." I sniff back tears as he moves away from me and towards his door.

He gives me a sad smile and says, "Goodbye Chloe, go and be happy. If my dreams can't come true than I hope yours will."

I try to find my voice as he disappears inside the house closing the door slowly behind him.

I have to be grateful, at least I got words out of this goodbye and some sort of relief. Even though Zayn had the courtesy to wish me luck and tell me he loves me, I know that he still didn't forgive me and that, I understand.