Regrets from the past

Regrets : part 36

Ernest

Everything seems so light and colorful. Feeling in love , kahit alam kong she's in grief. Feels like I was walking in cloud, I never woke up this early at 2 am, first time pero super saya ko. We canceled our vacation trip pero tumuloy na din si Miero at Nielsen sa Baguio. Sayang naman daw yung chance na makapag liwaliw. I went back to Manila para sunduin si mom.

Hindi ko man explain yung nararamdaman ko, yung feeling na gusto ko nang lumipad pabalik sa Camiguin,  thinking na makakasama ko ulit siya. I didn't talk to her about personal matters, pero hayaan ko na muna. Pag nailibing na si lola, I'm going to asked her on a date. Wether friendly date or whatsoever, basta makasama ko lang siya and to tell her how I feel.

Yes, I can't deny it anymore. Mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal.  Noon pa. I'm just blinded with so many things and the stupidest thing I've done is hurting her and hurting myself more in return.

I push her away, and now that's she's back, I won't let this chance past.

It's now or never .

"Hmm mukhang happy ang anak ko ah" pansin ni mom habang nag ready ng breakfast. Kakain muna kami bago umalis.

"Am I that obvious mom" nakangiting sagot ko dito, lumapit ako dito saka naupo sa silya at hinarap ang pagkaing inihain niya.

"Oo naman anak. Ibang iba ka ngayon. May ningning ang mata mo. Yung parang nakangiti" panunukso pa ni mom.

"Mom!" Nag seryoso na ako.

"Spill it son. Alam ko, marami kang gustong sabihin or itanong. I'm ready"

-

"Mom. Is it ok, or is it possible na mainlove ang isang lalaki sa bestfriend niya" pasakalye ko. Kumukuha pa ako ng lakas ng loob. Honestly kinakabahan ako.

"Oo naman anak. Your heart can't choose whom to love. Pag tumibok kasi ang puso mo, hindi mo yan mapipigilan. Sasabog at sasabog yan kahit itago mo pa. Bakit nak, in-love ka na ba kay micah?" tanong nito, lumingon ako dito para mabasa niya ang sinasabi ng mga mata ko.

"I knew it. Noon pa. At alam mo son, I know she loves you too" sabi nito na nakapag pangiti sa 'kin.

"Are you ok with it? I mean, if we'll be together. Are you going to support me?" like I'm asking for backup. I can handle this pero kung suportado ni mom ang gagawin ko, alam ko, magiging positive ang lahat.

"Anak. Noon pa kita suportado. Ikaw lang ang malabo. Kahit ang daddy mo at si Loraine, botong boto kay Micah. She's very transparent anak. Kung ano siya, yun na siya. Napaka sweet na babae. Ikaw lang ang mabagal  anak. At kahit hindi niya aminin, ramdam ko na may kinalaman ka sa pag alis niya noon. Hindi ako naniniwala na career lang ang dahilan kaya siya umalis. May iba pang dahilan at sa maniwala ka at sa hindi anak, kayong dalawa lang ang pwedeng tumuklas non" paliwanag nito and on some point, tama siya. At nagi-guilty ako. That day, huling pagpunta niya sa bahay, she saw me and Kirsten kissing. I did that on purpose dahil nasasaktan ako na sila na ni Tanner. And that's the biggest mistake I've ever done.

"Mom, after mailibing si lola, I'm going to talk to her" sabi ko dito.

"Good. Baka kasi makaalis na naman siya at maiwan ka na namang luhaan. Kahit naman hindi mo aminin anak, iniyakan mo siya hindi ba. You're so grumpy pag kinakausap ka namin ng daddy mo sa phone. Para kang may mens"

"Mom!"

"Mothers knows everything and who's best for you. And Kirsten, I know she's not. And the last one, Heidi, she seems fine but not ok. You're smart so you know what I mean"

"I'm not courting her mom"

"But she likes you. If you didn't notice, she looks at you with so much admiration. Her eyes glued  only just for you. Sabagay,  you won't see those things if your heart knows whom it wants, right son?"

"Nanay nga kita" I chuckled a bit.

To be continued...